(Closed) sister jealousy/drama, ugh

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the best thing you can do here is give her something to help with. If she has something productive to do wedding-related, then she’ll feel important and will be focusing on that instead of on how little attention she’s getting. I’m sorry she’s acting this way! 

Post # 5
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

First, stop letting her get her way with everything!  Who OWNS the car?  If you do, I would remove her driving priveleges.  You don’t get to drive my car and act like a b****.  Everytime she sends an insult your way, deflect it back to her jealousy of you.  The thing that really gets to most people is the truth, so if she really is just jealous, she should get it.  I would also not let her hang out with you and your Fiance or your friends.  She needs to become independent and get her own life.  It’s clear that you want to do all this, since these are all specific concerns you mentioned.  A lot of people don’t want to create any drama, and don’t want drama raining down on their wedding day.  The thing is you can’t always avoid it.  My brother was in a bad mood for my WHOLE rehearsal, and it had nothing to do with me and I couldn’t do anything about it.  And on my wedding day my nephew pushed my niece into the decorative pond and my brother lost his temper with both of them.

So I guess my advice is to take her head on and not let her get away with hurting your feelings.  You are letting her do it, it is a choice you are making.  Make a different choice, and see if her attitude and behavior change.

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry, but can you kick her out. From what you have stated, I think it will only get worse as your wedding approaches. If she doesn’t lose her attitude, I think you and your Fiance will start fighting because the stress she is putting you both under will eventually drive a wedge between you and your Fiance. Also, what about her moving in with your mom if she can’t be on her own.

Post # 8
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im telling you, sisters can be cruel and selfish sometimes and weddings brings out the best in that unfortunatly.  My sister got married back in August and I was in her wedding and helped her celebrate it the best way I can.  Now that im getting married, she completely dropped out of being my Maid/Matron of Honor and hasnt called me about any wedding stuff at all, she had her wedding and thats all she cares about, selfish selfish selfish

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think she needs a healthy dose of truth. It seems like she’s been allowed to act like this her whole life by both you and your parents and nobody really tells it to her like it is. I agree with the PP who suggested you just start laying down the law on her. I understand you can’t kick her out of your house (which sucks, cause that would be the first thing I would do) but you can tell her no car, no leeching off your social life, tell her to her face she’s being a selfish childish brat and you’re not going to take her s**t anymore. Maybe if she doesn’t just constantly get away with acting like a child anymore, she will check herself.

Also, your parents may need to actually step up and parent her. It’s not really your job to set her straight. They raised her, they should take responsibility for the way she turned out. Also, you need to let your mom know that, come time of the wedding, she needs to watch your sis like a hawk and keep her in line.

Post # 10
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

As for her mental illness, a lot of people use that as their hold on their families.  They destroy everyone else’s life, and when you go to lashback at them, they claim that they are just ill, and don’t hurt poor little weak them.

Don’t let her use an illness as an excuse to act rudely, it is not.  Don’t go above and beyond what needs to be done, but don’t be afraid of doing anything for fear she may not like it.  She’ll turn to the victimization technique and claim you’re attacking her, but really she’s just disagreeing with what you’re doing.  Ignore it.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is tricky.  I to lived with my sister while we were at school and we went through some rough patches.  It’s really difficult to change already existing dynamics when you’re both adults living in the same space, have to share a car, nights out, and friends.

My sister and I had to sit down and discuss boundaries.  We had to have some rules about the car, her boyfriend visiting, and sharing expenses.  Honestly, getting that stuff out in the open and agreed upon will, at the very least, create a better position for arguing.  🙂  

As someone who has anxiety issues I would stress to you that it isn’t a pass on crappy behaviour.  She shouldn’t be allowed to control situations that aren’t hers to control simply because she’s anxious about not being in control.  lol  That wasn’t a great sentence, but I think you understand what I mean.  You’ve already shown that you care and are sympathetic to what’s going on with her mentally (which I think is super supportive), but you aren’t doing her any favours by allowing her behaviour to continue.

I think that lilyfaith and mightysapphire are both right.  Give her something that she could do for the wedding to show that you value her and her opinions (maybe designing her own Bridesmaid or Best Man dress if you’re okay with that), but don’t let her get away with making snide comments that make you miserable.  Call her on it.  Beat her down with logic.  If that doesn’t work, I would simply say to her that you love her, that you want her involved in your life and in the planning and execution of your wedding day, but that she’s hurting you and here’s why.  If it still doesn’t stop, stop inviting her out, tell your friends that you’re taking a much needed break from her, and tell her that until she understands how she’s making you feel and does something about it, you can’t hang out with her outside the apartment.  Then actually do it.

Whew…that was long.  Sorry.  🙂

Good Luck!

Post # 12
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If it makes you feel any better, I understand!  Since I’ve gotten engaged my sister has said several times that she has “lost the favorite daughter title” and there are 3 of us girls!  She says this with all sincerity, she was not even joking and now she’s trying to do extra stuff for my mom and tells me it’s so she can be the favorite again.  That along with all the “OH for MY wedding I wouldn’t do that” crap makes me want to punch her in the face sometimes…

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