- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2020
Hi, everyone! My sister (age 30) and I (age 27) have always been close, have always had a great relationship, but have always acknowledged that we have very different personalities and handle things in different ways. For example, she has always jumped from relationship to relationship while I have chosen to remain single for much of my 20s. She recently got out of a relationship in which she was being cheated on. Two months following that break up, she was back in another relationship. I have no issue with that as long as she’s happy.
I met my fiance in early April of 2018. We began discussing marriage and our future in November of 2018 after moving in together, and decided that we’d like to consider marrying in May of 2020. We officially were engaged in March 2019, and we’ve been planning our wedding (at Disney World!) since then. We chose May 9, 2020 as our date, and things have been great.
Around Thanksgiving 2018, my brother and his longtime girlfriend got engaged. I love my future SIL and I’m so excited to have her in my life. She has no sisters, so she’s also thrilled. They chose October 2019 as their wedding month, and everyone was happy. Since then, however, my FSIL’s mom has asked them to push their wedding back to spring 2020. My Future Sister-In-Law reluctantly changed her date around the time I got engaged to March 14, 2020. I was concerned at first, because they had gotten engaged before me and I felt like if anyone should change their wedding date, it should absolutely be me based on the timeline. We discussed everything with my Future Sister-In-Law and brother and we were assured we did not need to change our wedding date. We discussed this again two weeks ago with them and received the same assurance.
Flash forward to yesterday: I woke up to some very angry texts from my sister saying not only was I being “deeply disrespectful” by choosing a wedding date so close to my brother’s, but because we had not even been together a year before discussing marriage and getting engaged, my marriage would not last. She threw in a few more insults here and there, which I always brush off, but that was the one that stuck with me. She also said that I was at risk of losing relationships with both her and my brother if I chose not to wait a year or two to get married.
After my sister said all of this, I texted my brother to clarify and ask if he felt disrespected. I offered again to change my date since we cannot have not put our deposit down yet (for Disney weddings, you cannot officially book until one year in advance), and told him I did not want to lose a relationship with him. Instead of hearing back from my brother, I heard back from my Future Sister-In-Law. She told me very firmly not to change my dates, that she did not feel disrespected at all, and that it is my decision when my wedding will be. I let her know my sister said I was at risk of losing my brother, and she assured me my brother felt the same way as she and they would support our wedding no matter what. She continuously told me to keep my date and texted my fiance telling him not to budge on the date either.
I spoke with my parents about the issue with my sister, and their perspective is that she’s jealous her younger siblings are marrying before she does, and her relationships have not been the best in the past. While I understand that and feel bad for her, I cannot seem to get over her comment about my marriage not lasting. I want those who will be with us on our big day to support our union and love us, but I’m not sure that she does. I had every intention of making her my Maid of Honor, with my Future Sister-In-Law and two other friends as bridesmaids, but now I’m not even sure she should be included in the bridal party. I will, of course, invite her to the wedding, but I just don’t know whether I should limit her involvement. After all, the wedding is still over a year away. Am I being too harsh on her? Am I being too sensitive? Should I just wait a few more months to make any decisions like that? Is two months between sibling weddings poor form?? Thank you so much if you’ve read this far – I’m sorry it was so long!