Sister not involved in wedding planning

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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asianbird :  your Fiance should be doing wedding appointments with you. Your sister and BMs have zero obligation to help with your wedding. She’s busy, let it go. 

She should buy an appropriate dress in the right color, however. 

Post # 3
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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asianbird :  I have an older sister (my only sibling) who hasn’t been involved in any planning element of my wedding.

Your wedding planning is really nothing to do with her.  I’m not sure why you’re expecting her to go to appointments, tasting etc – where is your FI? 

She obviously don’t want to plan your wedding and that’s totally fair. 

Post # 4
4241 posts
Honey bee

I’m not sure why you think anyone besides you or your fiancé is obligated to help you plan your wedding? 

Post # 5
519 posts
Busy bee

I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less than watching someone else have makeup applied

Post # 6
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I get that you are upset that she doesn’t want to help. I guess technically her involvement is not “required” but it would be nice for her to be excited and involved since she is an important person in her life and I assume you were very involved with her wedding?


But you can’t force someone to be interested in your wedding. If a BM/ Maid/Matron of Honor does not offer to be helpful then your only option is to deal with it or demote and replace them. 


Ask your Fiance to go to all wedding appts except the dress. My Fiance even went to my makeup trial lol. Ask your mom or involve your Future Mother-In-Law. There are other possible options so you feel supported during this time. P.S. My wedding is in 7 weeks so our dates are close! 

Post # 8
7396 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you need to lower your expectations. Her first priority should be her kids, not your wedding. Get your Fiance to pick up the slack. Its his wedding, not your sisters.

Post # 11
1288 posts
Bumble bee

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asianbird :  Some people just really aren’t interested in the wedding details, especially if it’s not their wedding.  Try not to take it personally.  Maybe she’s got other stress going on that she doesn’t want to burden you with.  Having 2 toddlers keeps her busy enough, and she probably doesn’t have a lot of time to check on emails.

I don’t know if you’re doing this, but it can be draining to constantly hear of wedding details.  When my best friend got married, she was so indecisive about everything and she would constantly ask me and her other bridesmaids our opinions.  It got exhausting because that’s all we ever heard about.  I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to plan the perfect day so we second guess a lot of things (I’m planning my December wedding so I know what you’re going through).  Sometimes it’s best to actually not get outside opinions and just go with your gut.

I would also take some time to talk to your sister about what’s going on in HER life.  Maybe she’s overwhelmed and showing YOU care may help.

Post # 13
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It is not her job to be there. It’s your Fiance job to plan the wedding with you. I invited people with me dress shopping and when I picked up my dress to make sure things looked good. But if no one could have gone, I would have gone alone and it would have been fine. Because it is MY wedding. 

I would never invite anyone to a makeup trail. That is boring a hell. 

Post # 14
7027 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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asianbird :  Her reasons are because she is busy checking her emails and clipping receipts together.

Wow. Really? If she has any sense that this is how you think of her it’s easy to understand why she’s not interested. It takes a lot more than that to raise toddlers and run a household. As PPs have stated she likely has a great deal more going on in her life than you understand or are aware of.

She is not required to be your wedding planner. If you don’t like her comments on your jewelry, etc.–stop showing her. Ask a friend. Ask your mother. Ask your Fiance. 


Post # 15
4777 posts
Honey bee

Lots of people do those things alone.  No one is required to do them together (and for the record, some brides also have their future spouses help them with that, too – there is no rule they can’t, and you’re still allowed to get married if they do). 

Your sister obviously lives a very busy life and she may or may not have interest in weddings, even yours.  Lots of people don’t give a crap about weddings or their interest drastically fades once they have had one of their own and/or they have moved on to other phases of their life that keeps them busy – like kids.  And not every female is super into wedding planning that they want to be involved in others – they might not even be into their own (like my one set of friends where he planned everything about the wedding because she was busy and didn’t care).  I’m super into make-up myself, but I have no desire to spend hours on end watching my friends try on dresses or sit in the background twiddling my thumbs while they have someone do hair and make up – I’m busy and have my own stuff.  Once you narrow it down to two or maybe three things, show me photos and I’ll offer you my opinion, but I just don’t have time to be dragged to appt after appt for other people.  Even if I’m not busy – when I have free time it is my own.

No one (except your FI) is required to help you plan anything related to your wedding.  If you really want someone else there, find a different friend who is really gung ho about weddings and has the free time and the will to do it.

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