Post # 1
I am the groom to be. I have two brothers and one sister. My brother’s are my best men. My fiance has one sister and one half brother. Her sister is her maid of honor. We originally agreed that my sister and her half brother would not be a bridesmaid or a groomsmen and that we would find some “other” role for them. I have never planned a wedding before and never thought deeply about any of these issues. One of my brothers actually got married during this decision making time and my sister was a bridesmaid. When my sister found out that she wouldn’t be one at my wedding she was devastated. She didn’t specifically want to be a bridesmaid, she just felt that the exclusion made her feel unloved by me and my bride to be. Hearing my baby sister cry was never something I thought I was agreeing to. I suggested to my fiance that my sister become a “groomswoman” and stand on my side. For whatever reason she didn’t like this and wanted us to stick to excluding the half brother and little sister from the wedding party. She preferred to let her read a poem or give a toast instead. I want my sister on equal footing with my other siblings, but my fiance thinks that I am giving in to pressure from my family and that she looks like the bad guy. I told her that I would have never agreed to hurting my sister in this way and that it was my mistake for not figuring out her specific role at the beginning. Advice please!
Post # 3
sigh. I feel deeply for your little sis. I do. I would stick to your original decision. I know you want to please your little sis but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your Fiance…My sis got bent out of shape that I am only including her two youngest daughters in the wedding as flower girls. Her oldest are 19 and 13. I already have my bm’s picked out. Sorry sis. I think when it comes to a wedding, it is really easy to let other family members or friends emotions affect your decisions but you have to make your own decisions between the two of you.
Post # 4
I think you your sister needs to get over it. Your Fiance shouldn’t have to change around an agreed upon wedding party because your little sister cried.
Post # 5
@MrsLulu: Ouch…I think it’s more than just his little sister crying. Clearly her feelings are very hurt.
I also have 2 brothers, and I would be VERY hurt if I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding party…it isn’t about sides! It’s about who in BOTH of your lives are closest to you. I think excluding your sister is wrong on the part of your Fiance…
Post # 6
Yes it is more than my sister throwing a fit. She was actually really sweet about it and didn’t even want to talk to me about it and be a bother.
Post # 7
I think having your sister do a reading or something else is a good idea, so she is still part of the wedding, just remember that the bridesmaids are the choice of the bride, not the groom, and she has already chosen hers. But yeah make sure your sis is included in some way of course 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with the previous posters. My DH has 3 sisters, and I unfortunately had to exclude them all. Were they a little hurt? Yes. Did it change our relationship? No. They got over it, and had a blast. Even though it is your wedding, your families will unfortunately try to put their 2 cents into everything. You have to go with what you and your Fiance agreed on. The two of you have to make decisions together based on what you both want.
Depending on your budget, number of guests, etc, you can bring the point up to your Fiance that you think they should both be included, and have a conversation about it, but if she insists that you stick to the original plan, then that’s what you should do.
Post # 9
Why was she excluded initially? I don’t think its fair. Its not a big deal to add her but it would cause family drama and hurt feelings if you do not. I don’t see why it is a big deal to add her unless she is a minor and would need a different dress but even that is not a big deal. People have junior bridesmaids all the time. I think your Fiance is being selfish.
Post # 10
I have a brother, 2 years apart in age, and I wasn’t a bridesmaid. Im an adult and got over it. You can only afford/handle so many bridesmaids so I didn’t expect to be chosen over her nearest and dearest friends in a heart beat! And in reality I didn’t want to go to my future sister in laws bachelorette, or calm her nerves before marrying my brother in the slightest!! I would have been anxious if she asked me and would have felt obligated! I don’t believe buying a dress and supporting a bride with tons of your free time is fun unless it’s truly a deep friendship! Now as for her being on her side, unless she has issues with the number of bridesmaids why she would care. I choose 3 because I had 3 no questions asked “besties” picking a fourth would have gotten ugly and feelings would have been hurt
Post # 11
How old is your sister? It’s kinda hard to tell whether or not this is a child’s objection to being excluded, or an adult’s expression of majorly hurt feelings.
Post # 12
Oops, last bit shouls read being on your side not her
Post # 13
@Jacqui90: I agree with the reading, but I really don’t think she needs to be included. Both my DH and I have siblings and only one was in the wedding, because she was my best friend. No one was upset.
Post # 14
My sister is 19 and I am 31.
Post # 15
To avoid this exact situation I sucked it up and asked my sister in law to be a bridesmaid. All I have to say is, it was hell for me. Don’t force your fiance to do something she is not comfortable with. I think letting your sister give a toast or read a poem during the ceremony is a perfectly good compromise. We had all hoped that by having my sister in my bridal party would allow us to bond and become closer, but in the end all it did was push his sister and me further apart. We like each other less than when we started out.
Post # 16
@lfranke – This is pretty much what I would say.
@OP The decision to have someone as a bridesmaid is one to be made by you and your Fiance, not your family. Does she only want her sister up there with her? Does your Fiance have other bridesmaids besides her sister? If so, maybe she wants those she’s closest to and most comfortable with to be those standing with her, bridesmaids are there to support the bride and maybe she’s not close with your sister? Maybe she doesn’t want an uneven bridal party?
Whatever the reason is, I’d ask nicely without sounding accusatory (I’m sure your Fiance is not trying to exclude or be mean to your sister) why it’s important to her to keep things as is. Whatever you two decide to do together, you need to support that decision and her 100% to your family or she will come off looking like the bad guy excluding little sis even though you both already made a decision together.
@ Soladylike – I disagree with part of this, depending on the size of the wedding, adding a bridesmaid can be very expensive and a very big deal. It’s not just a dress, which could be very expensive, it’s also hair and make up, shoes, accessories, bridesmaids gift, another person at the bachelorette party which might include food/transportation/activity, another person to transport on the wedding day, and if you have a limo or special car it might mean getting a bigger car, another place at the head table which might mean changing the table size or conformation, etc. It’s also the emotional stress of one more person to deal with and worry about when you’re already stressed about planning. Maybe the bride just isn’t interested in dealing with all that!