Sister Refuses to Be a BM Because of the BM Dress

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 17
502 posts
Busy bee

What’s more important? Your sister being a BM or the dress you selected for the group? That’s a decision you will have to make.

As for your mom…. wtf?

Post # 18
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Maybe your sister would wear the dress if you added like a sash or something to make her stand out a little bit but not completely?

As for your mom… I’d be offering her a nice glass of red wine right before the ceremony 🙂

Post # 19
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

I don’t think you should give into either of them. I think they are both being disrespectful and seeking attention on your wedding day. I see no need for your sister to be in a different dress from your bridesmaids just so that she can stand out. I think you need to put your foot down and stand up to them for yourself or they will keep running over you and treating you this way. I think neither of them should be in your wedding. Tell your sister she can come as a guest or wear the bridesmaid dress.  Tell your mother you will be the only one wearing a white dress and she should find another dress. I have all of my sisters in my wedding and that’s 3 and they along with my bff will be in the same dress. I have no moh and no one will be standing out.

Post # 20
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

They are just trying to suck the attention from you. If your sister doesn’t want to wear the dress, then she can wear what she wants as a guest. I imagine she is going to make a stink about it anyway so let her. 

Everyone around you knows what they’re like and I’m sure will be on your side. Don’t give them the energy because that’s what they want.

Post # 21
3701 posts
Sugar bee

hallgirl13 :  your mom cannot be for real 😩 A white dress with a train?! Wow. 

And like PP said – either your sister wears the dress you’ve chosen or she comes as a guest. 

Post # 22
977 posts
Busy bee

At my BF’s sister’ wedding, her ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend wore a white dress, basically a wedding dress (maybe she was hinting at her girlfriend to propose?). It didn’t take one bit away from my BF’s sister, but did make the wedding-dress wearing guest look foolish. People looked at her, shook their heads and then moved on.

Post # 23
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

At a certain point, you can be surprised when narcisstic crazy people act narcisstic and crazy. They don’t change thier entire worldview and behavior because someone they purport to love is getting married. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. 

Sometimes when dealing with people like this, the best thing to do is just to politely smile and say “sure.” It doesn’t feel as satisfying as coming up with the perfect outraged clapback, convincing them how right you are, and them profusely apologizing for the stress they’ve caused you, but at the same time, the end result is the same: you’re no longer bothered by them. Choose not to let this get under your skin, no matter how awful they’re being. Choose to let her wear whatever she wants and then decide whether or not she’ll stand with you on the altar. Choose not to give this another minute of your time and energy and focus on the good things coming up. 

Post # 24
3914 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

hallgirl13 :  Okay, so here’s my take on this:

You say this is “so them.” Unfortunately, weddings don’t bring out the best in people. You tend to find out who’s your true friend and who isn’t, type of thing. You’re coming from a place of believing that just because it’s “your wedding” that your mom and sister would be change their personalities for you. You need to snap out of that mindset.

Let your sister come as a guest. Trust me, this is something she will regret/be embarassed about later down the line when she is more mature. Graciously accept her stepping down and then don’t mention it again. When people ask, it will reflect badly on her immaturity than on you.

As for your mother: Let her wear the faux wedding dress. Once again, the only attention she is going to be getting is side-eye and looks of disbelief. I promise that almost anyone who registers that she is wearing an etiquette faux-pas is going to be embarrassed for her. 

Post # 25
3330 posts
Sugar bee

Your sister can be a guest, her loss.

Your mother is going to look like an ass. Really. 

Make sure you schedule a lot of photographs that do not include either of them so you don’t have to look back on all your wedding day pics and be annoyed by how juvenile and selfish they both are. 

Post # 26
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Basically, wear the dress and be in the wedding or not. Its unfortunate she is acting this way and running your experience. 

Post # 27
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Leave sister out of the wedding and move on. If you’re not willing to head over to your mother’s house with a can of red spray paint or have an accident with a bottle of red wine, your best bet is to ignore her, have her off to the side in any pictures she is in and, like a PP said, take lots of pictures that specifically do not include her.

Post # 29
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Could you come to a compromise with sister and get a different dress in the same fabric? If not, then guest it is. It’s your wedding and you do what you want. Period.

As for Mom, a friend of mine was at a wedding and one of the guests, who was related to the bride, showed up at the wedding in HER WEDDING DRESS from a few years before. It was incredibly weird, but in the end nothing more than something people giggle and roll their eyes about. That battle with Mom is definitely not a hill I’d choose to die on.

Post # 30
2391 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I went to a wedding where the mother of the bride wore an actual wedding gown. She and the bride also look strikingly alike in terms of hair, height, weight etc.

She also insisted on walking down the aisle ahead of the bride so we all thought it was the bride for a second. 

Trust me – we all laughed at what a try hard the Mom was but it didnt change our love of the bride or the wedding or anything. It was a lovely day. She just got serious side eye 

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