Post # 1
Okay, I’ll try to keep it short in hopes to get good advice.
Fact: My sister has been engaged for 12 months and has not announced a date. Her and her fiance repeat that “When we know, you will know.”
Fact: My boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged likely this summer. I do not want an engagement longer than a year.
Fact: My sister previously told me that getting married in the same season – or YEAR even – “is a dick move.” Now if we get engaged this summer we will be looking at next summer or spring for dates. My sister has thrown out phrases like “maybe August 2017” for her wedding but nothing official.
Fact: I feel like my sis has had an adequate amount of time in which to announce a date and venue. I feel like she will flip TF out when I tell her we are looking at the same year if she is still thinking of 2017.
Query: Is it “a dick move” to get married in the same year? Or season?
Fact: I don’t think so and don’t care if it is. Our family overlap between the 2 weddings would be super small. She seems to care though.
Plan: I want to let her know things are moving along with my boyfriend and that if we get engaged and she has not picked an official date then sorry but I’m not waiting for her because I do not want a long engagement.
Query: How do I not be a dick about this?
Kinda funny, but also distressing. Thanks for any comments.
Post # 2
It is NOT a dick move. She’s being a dick.
To answer your second question, you just go about your life. (get engaged first) Plan your wedding, tell her the date, and move on.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
You only get one day, not a season and most definitely not a year. She doesn’t even have a date set, do your thing.
Post # 4
Getting married on the same day, different venue, inviting the same guests is a dick move.
Getting married same week or weekend in a venue far away and inviting the same guests is a dick move.
Getting married the same year or season is NOT a dick move.
Also, what do they expect you to do? Wait around to plan your shit (can we curse on the bee?) until they’ve decided what they’re going to do? That’s not how this game is played, people.
Brass tacks: I’d be honest with her and say your SO and you are planning to get engaged this summer and want a relatively short engagement. If they have picked their date by then, you will obviously not purposefully try to take her wedding date/weekend or whatnot, but if they haven’t picked a date, they have no right to call dibs on a full calendar year (or even a season!).
Post # 5
Your sister has her head in the clouds, but you can’t make her change how she feels. You do what’s best for you and your FH, and let her pitch a fit if it pleases her.
Post # 6
Just get engaged now and set the date you want. Then she can plan around that if they haven’t set a date already they don’t get dibs. She can’t rope off the next two years and calld dibs. Who ever books their venue first get that day and the other sister can plan as far or as close to it as she see’s appropriate.
Post # 7
I say go about your business making life plans that work for you BUT one caveat: if she does announce a wedding date AND you have a significantly overlapping guest list that would have to travel for both, do avoid that season.
No, that’s not fair, and yes, a bride only gets one day. But if your choice of wedding date would make it significantly harder for guests to attend both and/or choose between, that’s not great.Be considerate of your guests.
Post # 8
I think you can plan your wedding for whenever you want. I would personally steer away from a month or so before her wedding through about a month afterwards just to make it easier for guests invited to both (assuming she sets a date before you do). I wouldn’t say anything at all about it to her until after you get engaged and set your date. No reason to go borrowing trouble now if you already know this is likely to be an issue for her.
Post # 9
Don’t worry about this until it’s actually an issue. You aren’t even engaged yet…she might have announced her date by then. And if she does, you can have your wedding whenver you want, as long as it’s not the same day. If she wants to pout about it, let her.
Post # 10
The overall answer is: no, it’s not “dick” to have a wedding in the same year or season. Saying it is is crazy talk.
But hon, this is premature. You’re not even engaged yet. “Planning to get engaged” is not engaged, so cross this bridge when you come to it, this summer or next fall as it may be.
Post # 11
Sorry, your sister can’t call dibs on the rest of recorded history just because she and her Fiance don’t have their shit together yet.
By the time you get engaged, they may have announced their date–or even eloped, who knows. Don’t sweat it, you’re worrying about where the horse goes before the cart is even built.
Post # 12
I think there are a lot of factors, like it being a bit of a burden on guests to travel to two weddings close together or if your parents are paying it can be harder on them.
My brother is getting married 4 months after me, I don’t really care but I do know people are side-eyeing it and a little annoyed (although that’s enhanced by the fact that they chose 1 week before Christmas for their date). I know there’s quite a few people who think they should have waited till next summer.
Post # 13
I would say that IF she already had a date set, I would avoid the month or two immediately preceeding or following that date. If she doesn’t have a date set when you get engaged, then set whatever date you want, and she can work around you (and hopefully she won’t be the vengeful type to plan hers a month before yours, but if she does, oh well).
NO ONE gets to claim a whole year, or even half year. And even seasons are fine as long as you’re not a jerk about it.
Post # 14
If she doesn’t have her date set when you get engaged I think you should pick whenever you want. Then she would be the dick for picking a date in your year when you set your date first.
Post # 15
Not a dick move in my opinion. My sister and her husband got engaged in December 2013 and set a date for June 2015. My husband and I got engaged six months later in June 2013, and because we wanted to get married before his next set of orders came in, we set a date for February 2015, four months before their wedding.
My sister was pissed at first, but she eventually got over it. Just remember that you can’t plan your life around other people’s schedules, and if you were nice enough to do that, you might be waiting a very long time.