(Closed) Sister says getting married same season or year "a dick move"

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is getting married in the same season (i.e. spring, summer) as your sister "a dick move"?

    Yes

    No

    Yes, if it's less than 3 months apart. More time than that should be okay.

    No, get married when you want regardless.

  • Post # 61
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I am of the opinion that if it is a close relative (sibling, parent, aunt/uncle or first cousin) its rude to set your date for within a month of said family member’s. I think its rude because guests may have to choose only one wedding to go to when the dates are so close.

    In this case, once engaged, go ahead and set your date. Your sister may be upset at first, but she’s had plenty of time to set a date. Getting upset because someone is in the same year or even season would be just bratty.

    Post # 62
    Member
    3610 posts
    Sugar bee

    You know what is a dick move? Expecting someone else to put their life on hold while you get your shit together. OP, live your life. If your sister gets upset because you got married in “her” season or year (seriously, she’s claiming the entire year?!), too bad so sad.

    Post # 63
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    View original reply
    teamtigersnake13:  

    Why does it matter if you don’t care how your sister feels?

    I’m confused because you basically expressed both viewpoints. 

    Based on your first post, it seems like you already know how you’re going to proceed. 

    Your sister is being unreasonable. She has had a lot of time to plan her wedding and set a date. 

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    8992 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    teamtigersnake13:  honestly I get that she doesn’t want the dates too close together, but she can’t put you on hold forever. I got married the same year as my best friend and I knew we were both looking at a fall wedding. She got engaged first so I told her to pick a date and I’d work around it. She took awhile to nail something down so eventually I said “um…if you don’t pick a date soon I’m going to start planning, but if there are two dates you’re still deciding between just give me those and I’ll avoid both of them” which is what ended up happening. Our weddings were a month apart and while there was some overlap of guests it wasn’t a big deal. And it was fun to plan together!

    Post # 65
    Member
    2098 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    teamtigersnake13:  In this situaiton, she has not picked a date and her wedding is in less than a year? You’re not engaged yet, so it’s a little premature to be having this conversation. But let’s say you got engaged tomorrow. You can pick your date becuase she hasn’t picked hers yet. Plain and simple. It is not a dick move to get married the same YEAR as your sister. It’s your life, you should be able to marry when you want. 

    Post # 66
    Hostess
    4140 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I have a lot of first cousins, so in my family, it’s kind of an unspoken rule to space weddings out by a few months since our family is all over the place and would have to travel. I don’t think your sister can complain about your date when she hasn’t even set one.

    I agree with PP that you should just get engaged, set the date you want and go from there. If a lot of people have to travel to both, I’d consider spacing it out a bit if your sister manages to set a date before you, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She certainly does not get a whole year and can get over herself.

    Post # 67
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee

    I prefer not getting married in the same year only because it would be too much for my large family. Considering your sister hasn’t even picked a date, you shouldn’t have to wait on her. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Not totally sure what “planning to get engaged” means – you either intend to marry each other or you dont. If you do start planning!

    We gave my FIs cousin a month buffer around her wedding when we were trying to schedule ours (roughly one month on either side of her date). I don’t think any more is remotely necessary. 

    My sister will give birth to the family’s first grandchild two months before my wedding. Most will meet her for the first time at the wedding. I’ll deal. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think it is a dick move if she’s got it in the diary planned and sorted then you go and book it in for the same season/3 month period. But she hasn’t, you can’t just put your life/wedidng on hold until she makes a decision. That would be totally unfair on you. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I generally agree with the “you get one day” mantra, but this situation is a little different because she is your sister, and I think only you know how to proceed because you know your sister. I certainly don’t think it’s a dick move to get married in the same season, but as others have said, it would be a burden on guests and your parents (especially if they are paying) if it’s close. 

    A bunch of my close friends are engaged/recently married. We all texted about dates and it almost worked like a puzzle fitting it all together. The problem isn’t the wedding day, it’s the pre- wedding events. Naturally, the focus is going to be on the bride with the earliest wedding. We had the bachelorette party for one of my close friends a few weeks before my wedding (because of her job it was the only time that worked). I was 100% ok with it and enjoyed not being the center of attention, but we did talk a lot about my wedding because it was so close. It didn’t cause any problems, I just felt a little badly. 

    What would I do? I probably would wait until I’m engaged to say anything. Once engaged, I would ask sister if she had a date. If the answer is yes, I probably would do at least two months before or after. If the answer is no, I would pick any date. The tricky part is if she says a general season. In that case, I would explain why/when you want to get married and pick a date. and honestly, I’d include my parents on this conversation. Maybe they can tak some sense into her. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017 - Florida

    I understand the predicament you’re in. However, I wouldn’t plan on telling her about the impending engagement. She’s been engaged for a year and keeps telling you ‘when we set a date, you’ll know.’ So therefore you can approach this the same way she is, when you get engaged, she will know. Truthfully, I think once you’re engaged it’ll probably light a fire under her to set a date ASAP. Might be amusing if you announced an engagement and a date. Have y’all already contacted venues?

    Post # 72
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017 - Florida

    Also I echo what 

    View original reply
    chicagobride618 :  said. After you’re engaged and ready to set your date, you , your sister, and parents  should sit down for a convo. If parents are contributing to both, they should be included in the conversation about dates. 

    Post # 73
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    teamtigersnake13 :  the only dick move is her coming up with that ridiculous theory. You get ONE DAY. Given that you guys are siblings and guest lists will overlap, I can see how keeping them at least a month apart makes sense, but nothing more. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    2539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    teamtigersnake13 :  IF she had already set a firm date, then I would suggest, really for your own benefit to space it out.

    However, she has not. She is being a princess and you are free to choose whichever date you want. Just because she’s dragging her feet doesn’t mean you have to.

    Post # 75
    Member
    906 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    It’s been four months since this thread was started, and the OP never came back to update! 

    I wonder if she ever even got engaged, or they’re still just “planning to get engaged.”

    The topic ‘Sister says getting married same season or year "a dick move"’ is closed to new replies.

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