Post # 16
MrsN14: Get a grip. Weddings aren’t mini-family reunions. Plus, she’s going small and intimate.
coffeedrinker: Darling Husband had a friend of the family who wanted to bring their 17 year old son and his girlfriend. Mind you I’ve met the son once and the gf never! We declined due to many of the reasons you stated above. They declined to come, but we weren’t upset by it. It was just a bizarre situation. Your sister is acting strangely about it – especially given her kids ages. Maybe there’s something else going on in her life. You said her girls are almost college age? Maybe that’s freaking her out. Let her stew for a couple of days and revisit it if she mentions it. If she doesn’t – let things alone for now. Good luck!
Post # 17
I totally understand not wanting to spend an extra 1k, deal with a delinquent niece, or have kids there period. But – is there anywhere kid friendly near the venue where you can potentially set up some babysitting or a kid’s party? I’m betting that for around 200-300 bucks you could find a community hall you could rent out for a kids’ dance party where your sister’s 19 year old and 17 year old could be in charge, everyone could eat pizza cake and candy and play silly games/watch a movie or have an iPod/speaker set up and have a blast. $100 for food, $100 for rental and $100 for the 19 and 17 year old to split as a thank you for being in charge.
that way, you have something special for the kids that doesn’t impede your adult night. I bet your sister would help with some details.
Post # 18
coffeedrinker: I feel ya because we’re essentially doing the same thing; upscale dinner and drinks instead of a traditional reception with 20-25 family members. My sister’s kids do happen to be invited because they are well behaved and are the only children in the family so we wouldn’t be leaving anyone out.
But I fully support having a kids-free wedding especially for the reasons you’ve mentioned. It does not sound like a kid friendly enviornment and honestly I think the children would be bored anyway. (I know they’ll probably be bored at mine! lol they are 7 & 9).
I know it’s hard for some people to grasp not having their kids invited everywhere, but this is about you and your fiance, not her and not a family reunion. She needs to respect your decision.
Post # 19
You’re welcome to have a child free wedding. I did (minus one exception). It’s your wedding, so you get to call the shots. However, not inviting your neices and nephews because they’re “children” is a little rude when they’re 17 and 19. I understand the issue with the 11 year old, but telling a 19 year old s/he can’t come to the ceremony because s/he’s a child is pretty offensive to me. It sounds like your sister is trying to include them the best she can by offering to take them home after the ceremony.
I would just tell your sister that the kids aren’t invited and you will no longer we discussing the issue with her. Be firm, and move on.
Post # 20
We were against having children at our black tie wedding – although we set the age as anyone under 15 – but my Mother-In-Law freaked out and insisted that children are part of the family etc etc and we wound up compromising. Our venue had a separate room where we set up toys games air mattress and laptop with movies and I hired a babysitter. It was fine I barely saw the children and everyone was happy. I’m not sure if something like that would work for you but maybe its an idea? But I feel your pain – I’d never expect to bring a child to a blacktie or formal affair…
Post # 21
coffeedrinker: “MrsN14: your feedback isn’t welcomed or necessary.”
So, only feedback you “welcome and find necessary” is that which agrees 100% with you? Sorry, but you’re in a public online forum… By posting here, you open yourself up to and and all feedback. She was giving you advice from your sister’s perspective. God forbid someone disagrees with you.
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Post # 22
Your sister is being ridiculous. It’s not like her two oldest kids need to be babysat for the evening… And it seems like your reception is a nearby, formal dinner, which I doubt that at least the 11 year old would be too excited to attend. If you don’t want under 21’s there , then she just needs to deal and leave you alone about it. Hopefully she will show up! It sounds like her plan to take her kids to dinner separately is a bluff to make you change your mind (especially since you would have to pay for her if she shows up late, anyway). I would throw that right back at her (“I understand if you can’t make it, please just let me know for sure if you will be attending for dinner since I need a head count.”).
Post # 23
JiminyCricket: I think the OP said that the eldest had a history of sneaking alcohol, which could get them and/or the venue in a lot of trouble.
Post # 24
coffeedrinker: oh your def not alone! I really don’t understand why ppl get so upset I always considered weddings to be adult only affairs but whatever lol! Maybe just say that the venue has a rule about 21 + only? My venue is a brewery and I think they have some rules about underage gusers ( they are actually carding the wedding party lol)
Post # 25
I think the bride and groom, with the consent of anyon paying for the weddng, have every right to say no kids and there is absolutely no requirement to have kids parties or babyitting or mini-reunions. Just keep saying no, sorry. If you have experience dealing with kids, you must be used to saying no.
Post # 26
How do these parents who simply cannot have a social evening without their kids manage to be without them all day when they are in school?
It is incrediby rude to tell a host/hostess that they should invite someone else. If you are invited, you make up your mind to attend or not. Your decision should not be based on who else is on the guestlist. (Nitpickers note, I am not referring to breastfeeding babies).
Post # 27
Karenina: I understand that. A responsible venue/bartender will know how to handle a 19 year old. You can always tell the bartenders who is underage ahead of time so they know not everyone is 21.
Post # 28
babeba: the short answer is NOPE, not at all possible. Fiance and I purposefully planned this NOT to be a weekend getaway insanity that is coastal MA in the summer, the week before the 4th shit show. Everything is insanely expensive that week and we are only affording it because FI’s connection. To have our guests stay over our location would cost them hundreds of dollars, either in the city or on Cape Cod, where my family is from. That’s why we planned this to be strictly for one night. No guests grumbling about “how much it costs to attend a wedding”. His family has to travel from out of state because they don’t live near us. Like I said, we purposefully picked a location that wouldn’t inconvenience ANYONE, other than his family that live hundreds of miles away. I think that is above and beyond accomodating our guests. By the time of our wedding we will have been engaged for 18 months. I have no intention of changing the date. And I wouldn’t let my 19 year old neice babysit a dog I didn’t like, never mind a bunch of kids. She is the epitome of irresponsible.
PoliticallyIncorrect: My thread, my right to say her feedback isn’t wanted. For that matter, neither is yours. Notice my disclaimer at the top. Pack up and move along.
JiminyCricket: Karenina: Actually, when we met with coordinator, he made a point of specifically asking us, as if he were concerned. They were more willing to work with us on corkage fee when we put a disclaimer that it was 21 plus, given that they are stretching into a huge grey area with their liquor license by alowing us to order and deliver our own wine.
Post # 29
babeba: Seriously? She’s throwing a wedding and not a kids party. Her sister is acting like a child about this whole thing. I wonder if OP interfered with her sister’s wedding plans, like this sister is doing. OP offered to pay for the sister and her kids hotel room, there is absolutely no need to rent a hall out and throw a party for the kids that she doesn’t want a wedding.
Post # 30
julies1949: Totally agree!! We do have one friend who will have a 11 minth old at the time. I told Fiance that if they are still breast feeding, I will have to in good conscience allow them to bring the baby. I’m not about to dictate feeding norms of a mother and her baby, regardless of my own personal opinion.