(Closed) Sister taking over? long but need advice

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Your sister’s reaction is tough. You can have a talk with her if you want, but the cold, hard truth is that in the end, you can’t control how people react to things and you can’t force your sister to behave as you would like. Your sister is simply unenthused and she might have an unsaid competition going on with you, but you can’t make her be excited and you can’t stop her from competing.

So if you can’t change HER, then what can YOU do? You can refuse to compete. Stop relying on your sister for approval and excitement if she refuses to give it and focus on relaying your plans to other people who will give you the attention and enthusiasm your wedding deserves–like your friends. If being around your sister is a downer, then stop hanging around her so much. If she wants to talk about her relationship all the time, then listen for a few seconds, smack your forehead and say, “Oh my gosh! I completely forgot I had to take that souffle out of the oven/call grandma/wash my toes/fix the thermostat” and excuse yourself.

Some people give off bad energy. You cannot stop them from doing so; you only have a choice of engaging with it or minimizing your exposure to it.

Post # 4
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ok, first I understand you being upset that she is not excited for your plans and everything. My mom is this way, doesn’t seem to care, and it does hurt. However, are you supporting her? Are you acting excited for her about her plans? Because I didn’t exactly get that vibe from your post.

I have 3 sisters, and God love them, they all have different opinions and ways of doing things. One of my younger sisters is getting married next year and my parents are not supportive and none of us think it’s the best idea (they’ve had problems in the past), but if she is happy and excited about it then I am excited and happy for her. I will help her plan because no one else will. If it doesn’t work out in the long run, I will still be there.

I know this is your time and I know some of the things she’s talking about seem to feel like a knife digging deeper and deeper, but it doesn’t help feel jealous (yeah, I said it) about her moving in with him. I know LDR suck, my Fiance just got back from being away for 10 months and will be leaving again in November. This will be my 3rd birthday in a row without him around. I feel it when I see any of my sisters at family gatherings with their guy.

Try to focus on the supportive people you do have. As for your sister, why not try being excited for her too instead of not caring for her attitude? Maybe when she brings up her ideas say “that sounds nice, but how about this or I know what the pricing is for that?” I’ve kept a lot of my planning to myself, except for the occasional wedding bee post, because I want everyone to be suprised at how amazing my wedding is and be even more suprised when they find out I did it by myself. Good luck. Congratulations. And if you want to vent about her you can always pm me, growing up with 3 sisters made me a great listener. Wink

Post # 5
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

In my opinion your sister is just “talking” about getting engaged and living with her bf, just to boost and brag to you. There is NO GAURANTEE with her situation, you don’t have to pay her any mind when she talking, just say that’s nice or ignore her like she does you. Try not getting upset when she downplays your wedding plans by not wanting to talk about it, but you already know that she doesn’t care so why keep talking about your wedding?

Post # 7
6 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I assume that your sister is younger and shes probably jealous of what you are going through. You seem to have you shit together and are engaged to a great guy (not that her boyfriend isn’t nice) and she probably wants what you have. Jealousy can do weird things to people and her not caring about your plans is just her trying to make herself feel more important.

Post # 8
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yikes….It sounds like your sister is acting more like 15 rather than 20.  Her actions are immature, and I would try to just let them roll off of you.  I know, easier said than done.  Sadly enough, if she doesn’t mature, she will probably find herself in a world of hurt.  Speaking from experience, I know how hard (yet rewarding) being married to a soldier can be.  Hopefully she’ll grow up before she gets married because when you marry into the military, you can pretty much expect your husband to be gone ALOT, deal with the always changing schedules of when you can take vacation/can’t take vacation (because it all revolves around the leave schedules), and ultimately, being able to have the emotional strength to withstand a deployment.

Honestly, if I were you, I would feel so extremely thankful.  You have a good head on your shoulders, you know what’s important, and you have what it takes to make a relationship work (I’m in a LDR too).  In the end, you will be so happy because of the maturity level you have.  If anything, maybe try to talk to your sister just to help her out, because it sounds like she’s heading into a relationship without giving it some serious thought.


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