Sister tattooed her eyeballs. Feeling like she shouldn't be a BM…

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
6428 posts
Bee Keeper

futuremrsrock :  I’m not looking at pictures, but could she wear colored contacts to help with the appearance?

Post # 47
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

futuremrsrock :  how dark is the eyeball colour. She is your sister. Don’t exclude her because she made different choices. You may regret it. 

Post # 48
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I know it is the accepted thing to say that if you love someone you don’t care what they do or how they look, but this eyeball tattooing is a matter of choice, not something a person can’t help. 

I have glaucoma, and the idea of someone abusing their healthy eyeballs, makes me sad. And I would not have any truck with anyone saying ‘go fuck yourself’ around me, which could be directed to me, in any context.

Post # 50
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure her tattoos or branding matters much. You will have a gazillion pics that are only you or you and your Fiance. Who cares if a few group shots and solo shots have your sister in them? Or actually- wouldn’t you WANT her in some pics (regardless of body mod stuff)? If you don’t want bridal party standing up right next to you during entire ceremony, that’s your choice. They can walk in to reserved seats or stand more offto the side. 

You wouldn’t have to answer for her appearance or explain her choices. Not sure how that comes up. If anybody asks you, I’d just say- ask her for yourself, I’m too busy celebrating as a newlywed to talk about that now! 🙂 if you don’t want a bridal party, don’t have one, but I would ask whoever I wanted to be in it, completely regardless of their body’s appearance. I just asked them to wear something not long and not nekkid in a flexible color range. 

Post # 51
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

I’m also in agreeable with the typically I wouldn’t let tattoos/hair/etc play a role in whether or not to ask about being a bm. However, the forehead brand is the part I’m stuck on even more than the eye tattoo. This is a tough one. Would it end your friendship if you didn’t ask? Are you willing to end it if that was the case?  This is a personal decision that only you can make. Consider all possibilities & make a decision from there. 

Post # 52
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I say if you’d ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man with no tattoos, you should ask her now. Her attitude (you accept it or fuck you) is rude but I would suspect she was lashing out in anticipation of some backlash after her decision, at least to an extent. 

Even if she wasn’t a bridesmaid she’s still your sister so she’ll be in pictures regardless, so if you want to ask her, ask her. The people who would be staring at her are going to do so whether she’s standing up front, or sitting, or dancing, or every other thing she can do at a wedding. That’s on her. 

A tattoo is a tattoo no matter where she chose to put it, so saying she can’t be in your wedding because of eyeball tattoos is (in my opinion) the same as saying she can’t be in your wedding because she tattooed her forearm. Appearance is never a reason to exclude someone, period.

Post # 53
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

futuremrsrock :  Okay, so I originally read your post and I was being really judgmental (oh Lord – here’s another bridezilla, kind of thing). That is, until I looked up images of eyeball tattoos. OMG. Just know that all eyes will be on your sister’s eyes on your wedding day. That is the truth. This is way beyond any mainstream body mod or tattoo…and I guarantee all of your guests will be ogling your sister and not you.

You two also aren’t very close, so I would say no harm no foul in not asking her…BUT this is still tricky. You say you want to show your sister you love and support her unconditionally, but I’m not sure excluding her from your wedding party after she included you in hers (even though she never married) will show that.

I’m going to disagree with most bees on here: Your sister will always be your sister and although you two aren’t very close, I haven’t heard of her doing anything wrong (other than being herself) to warrant not being included in the bridal party. I’m sure it will hurt her, but at the end of the day the decision is yours. Good luck to you and congrats on getting married! xoxo

 

Post # 54
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

“It’s my choice fuck you” DOES NOT translate to bridesmaid material.

Post # 55
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

futuremrsrock :  NOOO….. just no!!!! That looks beyond ridiculous , What color did she tatto her eyeballs? I can’t even believe that this is a thing!!!!! JUST WOW.. why would she do this right before your wedding too? like she couldn’t wait until after the fact seriously?????  

Post # 56
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Eeerrrr. Geez, that’s a tough choice. I have a sister who doesn’t shave her legs and dyes her hair various shades of green. She doesn’t have tattoos (yet), but that wouldn’t bother me too much if she did. I would ask her to wear a long dress and do her hair up so it looks nice, but eye tattoos aren’t something you can just cover up or downplay. If you were close to one another, I would say go ahead and ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. However, since you indicate you are not, there is no requirement to extend the invite.

Out of curiosity, is the purple really dark or like a light lilac? I could see the latter looking really pretty with the right color Bridesmaid or Best Man dress.

Post # 57
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would still ask her to be a bridesmaid. No one is going to care about what your sister looks like, it’s your wedding. She doesn’t have to do anything extra, no speeches to draw attention to her if you don’t want. I just don’t see what is so weird about tattoed eyeballs I guess, it’s just a body. I’ve seen people with tattoed eyeballs before, and I thought it looked pretty neat.

Post # 58
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

She’s your sister. She was your sister before the body modifications and she’ll be your sister afterwards. But, will you forever harm your relationship by excluding her from your wedding on the basis of her physical appearance and a hot-headed statement made in the heat of the moment? Imagine the reverse of this situation, your sister says she refuses to be a part of your wedding because she does not believe in the whole ‘thing’ and the subjugation of women into traditional and damaging social roles (I’m making this up). Wouldn’t you be hurt? Wouldn’t that sting for a long time? 

 

Post # 59
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Dear Lord! I’d probably still ask her to be a bridesmaid but I find it heartbreaking that she has done such radical and irreversible things to herself. She can’t know now how she will want to look and be perceived in 10, 15, 50 years time. These are modifications that will massively impact on career and partner opportunities.

Post # 60
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Drizzle :  I mean, she’s a tattoo artist so I doubt her career opportunities will be limited, and my guess is that she’ll probably find a partner who either is also into tattoos/piercings/etc., or who has no problem that she’s got them (or both). Or maybe, she doesn’t even want a partner. It’s her business. But it’s possible to have a million tattoos and be a tattoo artist and still be a respectable person in a career you love and with a wonderful partner (if you want one). 

OP, I think you should ask your sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Take this as a chance to get to know her better. I bet you’d find that she’s a wonderful person, just with a different sense of style than most. It sounds like maybe you/your family are kind to her but think she’s weird (and it’s okay, she probably is weird, but that’s not a bad thing!). And going by this thread, I’d be willing to guess that most people assume she’s a punk or a mentally ill woman, or unsuccessful, or any other derogatory thing that people like to label folks like her. Perhaps being included, and treated like any other person, will deepen you and your whole family’s bond with her. That’s a great thing!

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