- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I will try to keep this as short as possible but doubt it will happen lol
My sister and I are 9 years apart (she’s older) and are from different planets. She has envisioned her wedding since she was 3 and I’m not that type, etc…
She also lives a very dysfuncational and chaotic life with 2 kids and her husband and 2 dogs and a rabbit. They yell a lot, she is lazy and doesn’t cook nice meals for her family…McDonald’s is eaten in front of the TV several times a week, she has a compulsive spending problem and is at Walmart (with her cranky 4 and 6 year old) every chance she gets buying the most useless crap I can think of and then she complains about money problems. She’ll call my dad crying about how they can’t pay their bills and how hard it is with 2 kids and bla bla bla. Both of my parents as well as her husaband’s family have given them numerous handouts, paid their mortgage payment before, and my dad and his wife even recently gave them his paid off 2001 Ford Expedition (a FREE DAMN CAR) and she is consumed with the spending habits of my dad’s wife (constantly bitches about her spending my dad’s money because I’m sure she is angry and feels entitled to it herself).
ANYWAY, I’m hoping you guys get the ponit by now of what an obnoxious and pathetic individual my sister is. Am I perfect? Certainly not, but I am 9 years younger than her and very self aware and always working on my faults while she is almost 40 and in the biggest state of denial about herself I have ever seen in a person.
I have always stayed out of her business and never criticized her lifestyle because she for some reason sort of looks up to me and values my opinion and I always knew it would hurt her feelings if I ever really gave it to her about what she is doing wrong in her life. Not to mention, I have my own crap to work on so who am I to start playing Dr. Phil with her?
Well my husband and I tied the knot spontaneously in early December and just went to our local courthouse to do it. I didn’t want to break the news to my parents on the phone and both live far away from me. So I have basically been waiting for the right moments to tell my parents in person. I just recently visited my mom a few weeks ago and broke the news. She was a little surprised but happy for us and thought it was cool. Next up is my dad and his wife who are coming to stay with us next weekend and we will announce it to them.
In the meantime, my sister and I are not speaking because after a xmas visit with everyone at my dad’s house, I decided to give it to her via email about her attitude and the way she neglects her animals (that’s how it started and then we just got into it with each other going back and forth). She only feeds her lab once a day and he is very underweight and all they do is yell at him and the kids are rough with him and everyone noticed this at xmas. All they did was fight in front of everyone and make everyone feel uncomfortable. They are so tacky and ignorant. My mom has also confirmed with me that their other dog pees all over the house and their poor rabit just sits in a poop filled cage 99% of the time. I’m a huge animal lover and a great animal parent so this was like the last straw for me and why I decided to email her about her stupid life and to get her crap together. My dad and his wife are finally starting to see through her bullshit and so is my mom so I generally have the family on my side (finally! they have always enabled her and made excuses for her while I was the one insisting she was manipulative and had problems).
Soooo, to wrap it up finally. My mom opened her mouth to my sister about my marriage in hopes to get us speaking together (I believe my mom had good intensions on telling her) and now I’m convinced that she told my dad already. My mom said she is obsessing over it and calls her all the time speculating and saying it’s crazy that I didn’t announce it at xmas at my dad’s and this should be a joyous moment and I must not be happy to announce it, etc… LOL My dad’s house at xmas was a circus with his wife’s 10 family members there and not to mention my sister and her kids and husband who were fighting the whole time. It just wasn’t the right time and I didn’t want to announce it then. I didn’t have a ring yet either. It’s just none of her business why I didn’t do it and now she has told my father before I got to and I don’t know how to handle this. My husband wants to seriously choke her lol he is so angry but I’m the one who is surpringly sort of calm about it.
The “bigger person” in me, wants to just happily and innocently announce it to my father and his wife next weekend and not even mention my sister or try to confirm that she told him. I will explain the circumstances of why we didn’t announce it sooner which is the truth. I wanted it to just be an intimate “well we have great news” sort of thing over dinner with just the 4 of us. Not a big showy thing with 20 crazy family members at the house with no ring. I know my dad will be happy once I explain everything.
But the question is…what next with my sister? I don’t want to fight forever. She will never change. This was my first (and last) attempt to help her and it backfired and I truly saw her nasty and spiteful side because of this. But I do have to tell her too and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of getting all mad and making a huge dramatic thing about this and asking if/why she told my dad. That is exactly what she wants.
She only told my dad to get back into his good graces because we all sort of ganged up on her after xmas and I included my dad in the emails that were sent to her so I know she was feeling pretty cornered and couldn’t BS her way out of anything.
Any advice is appreciated and I’m sorry it was so lengthy but I feel the details included were necessary to give an opinion on the subject.