(Closed) Sister wanting an out for MOH? A little Sad

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
46388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t read this at all as your sister trying to get out of Maid/Matron of Honor. I interpret that she is just making sure that you are both on the same page as far as your choice of Maid/Matron of Honor and expectations of the role.

Post # 5
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think this is a GREAT letter writen by someone with some valid concerns. I dont think she is trying to back out of being your Maid/Matron of Honor. I more of think she wants to make sure that this is your decision and not based in tradition.

If I were you, I would get together with her in person, plan some bonding events (like picking out your dress, going to the venue, getting a mani-pedi), and also explain what you want her to do.

Post # 6
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My sister, who is TTC, said almost the same thing to me. I took it personal at first and then she and I talked about it and she just said she was trying to make sure I was getting exactly what I wanted for my wedding. Don’t worry too much, I think she is just trying to be nice!

Post # 7
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It doesn’t sound to me like she doesn’t want to do it; reading it, it just made me think she wants you to be happy with your wedding and maybe she’s a bit worried about balancing baby obligations with Maid/Matron of Honor obligations. If you definitely do want her as Maid/Matron of Honor, I would be sure to be clear about your expectations and that you understand she’s a mother with a young child and that doesn’t change the fact that you’d like her to be a part of things.


Post # 10
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

PP’s are right on…she wants you to be happy and knows that with a baby she might not be able to do EVERY wedding activity, meeting, outing, etc.  Sounds like she just needs reassurance that you want her there baby and all

Post # 11
491 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think she is backing out, she just wants to make sure your expectations fit what she can do. 

I feel like I’ve read other posts on the Bee where people have actually suggested that BM’s mention these things to brides and that brides mention them to BMs. 

It sounds like she has put a ton of thought into this and has noticed some potential issues that it was smart of her to clear up before they become actual issues. 

Post # 12
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like a very mature and responsible set of emails.  I think there would be a lot less Maid/Matron of Honor drama if everyone approached the issue like you and your sister have done. 

Post # 14
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I agree with everyone else – your sister def sounds like she was just trying to be loving and caring and sensitive to your feelings and needs πŸ™‚ she sounds awesome actually. You should try to get together with her and do some fun things together. Dress shopping, sister pre-wedding post-baby (for her) spa day, dinner and a movie, etc. I don’t know how many sisters you have, but it’s important to keep them close. They are irreplaceable πŸ™‚

Post # 15
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think your sister is just trying to lay everything out so that both of you can manage expectations instead of guessing what the other person is feeling.  I don’t think she is trying to get out of it at all, but is giving you a chance to re-think.

A wonderful, thoughtful letter, and a lovely response. 

Please don’t be sad.  I think she has done both of you a great favour by saying this out loud, so that both of you have a chance to really think about it and respond.  Sometimes we forget to tell the people closest to us how much they mean to us, and drift apart as a result. 

Happy planning! 

Post # 16
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@anonanonbee:  You and yoru sister are my new heros! Very well handled by both of you.

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