(Closed) Sister wants to sit with mom. Parents are divorced! Help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Where do I put her?
    Cave and let her sit with my mom, despite creating an uncomfortable situation. : (33 votes)
    87 %
    Put her at a buffer table between my parents tables. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Suggest a different option and put it below. : (3 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m confused I didn’t know there was an rule about who sits where. but common sense I think would be don’t sit divorced couples who don’t like each other next to each to other. Is she insisting that your parents sit at the same table?

    Post # 4
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    What etiquette rule are you referring to?  I’m confused.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m a little confused sorry but if they’re divorced and not civil and therefore not sitting near eachother, doesn’t she have to pick one to sit with anyway? So why not let her pick your mom?

    ETA: Just saw your update, never heard that, it seems weird that she can’t sit with either one just cus she can’t sit with both…

    Post # 7
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Your post was a little confusing, but I get where you’re coming from. Personally, I would agree with the buffer table mostly because I hate awkward situations and I’d feel awful if my Dad’s feelings were hurt BUT if your sister is throwing a fit about it, just let her sit with your Mom and ask her if she can make sure to also spend some time mingling with your Dad and his family as well.

    Post # 8
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    my parents are divorced and  they aren’t sitting next to each other. but my brohter will be sitting with my dad. 

     

    I’ve never heard of rules like this.  do what seems best for you and your family, isn’t that the point of etiquette, making everyone feel totally comfortable?

    Post # 9
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Hmm I’m not sure I understand why your sister can’t sit with your mom.  We had the same situation.  DH’s parents are divorced and we sat them at separate tables with DH’s brother at his dad’s table because that’s where he wanted to sit.  I don’t think anyone thought it was rude or weird.  DH’s mom never mentioned that she had issues with it, (and she would have let us know very loudly if she had).

    Post # 10
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Haven’t heard that one.  To me, it wouldn’t be worth the argument to try and force her to sit elsewhere.  I’m sure you can find a tactful way to tell your dad that your sister will be sitting with your mother.

    Post # 11
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee

    I almost wonder if this is only “etiquette” in the event you haven’t spoken to the parties beforehand. The assumption being that you the host shouldn’t pick sides for the family members who fall in the middle. But, if the family member in the middle of the scenario requests to sit with one party, then I don’t think such an etiquette rule would apply.

    Post # 12
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    My SIL’s parents are divorced and are also not really civil but I believe at their wedding my SIL’s sister (and maybe also brother) sat with her mom. I think her dad and his wife sat at a different table with other family members. Haven’t heard of seating rule for divorced families, but as someone else mentioned, do what is going to be best for your family.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’ve never heard of that but then again most things I never head until wedding bee. I think in the grand scheme of things this is a small request and doesn’t have anything to do with with major issues sorrounding your day so I would sit her with your Mom.

    Post # 14
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    A little background about my family since we are so similar

    Parents divorced 17 years.

    Dad & Stepmom 12 years married

    Mom & Stepdad 10 years.

    My dads entire family HATES my mom-will not speak to her.

    Every year my sister & I have had seperate birthdays, EVERY holiday, seperate baby showers.

    With that being said, my parents have just started speaking outside of an emergency last July. My dad came to a birthday party I had for my daughter. Then they spoke at my sister’s wedding in December.

    My sister decided to get married in 6 weeks time (no one knows why because she’s not pregnant but w/e) With that SHORT time frame, when it came to seating chart, I convinced her not to make one. People will flock to who they want to sit with. It worked out! My dad/stepmom’s family sat on one side with his family, my moms/stepdad’s family on the other,friends and her husbands family scattered in between (he had 1 table of family).

    But if you HAVE to make a seating chart and this is important to you to keep the piece, put her at a table with her family and other people she would be comfortable with-not your mom. Doesn’t your sister see this may hurt your dad? I know my dad would be really sad about that.

    But that’s my little piece of advice. Put her with her family and maybe if you two share any friends, a few of them.

    Post # 15
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t see it being a huge deal if she sits with her mom…but then again, it’s your wedding and I don’t think your guests (unless they are paying) should say anything. If you want to put your sister at a neutral table, she should accept it. If you want to put her with your mom, your dad should just accept it. Unless you wanted to break up social units, everyone should just accept it, play nice, and save you the headache for your wedding. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I feel that if the sister is being adment about sitting with mom vs. dad then let her… if anyone asks let them know it was her choice… I think the ettiquette rule is so that the child of the divorced parents don’t have to chose mother vs. fatherbut she has already made uo her mind…

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