Post # 1
So, kind of a weird problem. Wondering if anyone had a similar experience when bridesmaids pick their own dresses…
i have a sweet, wonderful pre-teen sister has her own style and I love that about her! She’s going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding along with three other relatives.
She wants to wear a sari as her bridesmaid dress. I think she is envisioning a toned-down sari (not covered in jewels, but probably still with the intricate embroidery).
My concern is that it’s going to look weird with three bridesmaids in “normal” dresses and one in an almost costume-y dress, but I feel like a jerk telling my sister she can’t wear this dress that she’s basically designing herself and is sooooo excited about.
Did anyone else have one bridesmaid dress that ended up being really different from the others (not on purpose)? Was it really not that big of a deal? I was thinking maybe she could wear a regular-ish dress for the ceremony and add the wrap part at the reception?
Post # 2
My bridesmaids all wore different dresses but I specified the colour and the length (short). Maybe you can ask her if the embroidery can be the same colour as the dress and it may not stand out as much…
Post # 3
Is a sari a cultural/heritage item for your family? If yes, you have two options allow her to wear one but have the final say or pick a few dresses in a certain colour and have your girls pick from those styles, no exception.
I’m sure she would understand that you want everyone to feel special/pretty but also look quite uniform together.
If a sari has no cultural signficance for your family, she shouldn’t wear it.
Post # 4
brideinthesix : well said. I think this is the definitive answer.
Post # 5
I agree with brideinthesix. If it isn’t cultural, she should probably shy away. If it is, maybe she could wear the same thing as your other girls for pictures, and then let her wear that for the reception. I know most professional pictures will be completed before that time.
Post # 6
regardless of culture, it’s your wedding. And if you want her to wear a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress similar to the other girls you have every right to tell her that.
Post # 7
If you’re not Indian, she shouldn’t wear it.
Post # 8
It’s your wedding, so if you feel a sari will look odd then you can say no. It’s the same as saying no to a skirt and top, or a jumpsuit. this goes whether you have a ‘sari’ background as a family or not!
I also think all the embroidery could distract from you (unless all your BMs wear embroidery, she is going to stand out as more fancily dressed and that’s not fair on you- I know, I have enough saris in my house and they are a natural ‘upstager’ item). If she really wants a sari style outfit and you like the fact she’s expressing herself and having fun with fashion, you could tell her to get it make from the same material as the other bridesmaids, but say no embroidery or just simple one colour embroidery that matches your colour scheme. eg. a mint green dress with silver embriodery if you are doing mint with silver.
I had a Hindu wedding because I married Darling Husband who is Indian. I totally love dressing up in all the Indian clothes so I get why she loves that style, but she must understand that a wedding has to have a coherent style and when she gets married she can do what she wants, but this is your wedding. At the end of the day it depends how much you want to control the vision of your wedding style and ‘look’ , or if you’re more relaxed and don’t care too much what anyone wears as long as they have fun I’m suspecting it’s the former!
Also, she’s a pre-teen so at her age she needs to defer a bit to her elders. Sorry!
Post # 9
I had a “bridesmaid” who wore the specific color dress I wanted but was not appropriate for church at all or really for her body type.
I was a laid back kinda bride but I cringe every time I see her in our pics.
Post # 10
busyhbee : Saris are part of my culture, and it’s flattering that people like them enough to want to wear one themselves. They’re not costumes though, and unless they’re part of your sister’s culture, she shouldn’t wear one. If she’s not understanding how people can be offended by this, ask her to Google “cultural appropriation” and find out. Tell her no ASAP, to save this going any further. If saris are part of your culture then by all means, let her wear one to the reception. I’m assuming not though, since you referred to the sari as the “wrap part”, which wouldn’t even work over a “regular-ish dress”.
Post # 11
- Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond
She’s just young and doesn’t seem the harm in it- yes it’s flattering but like others have said not appropriate.
Post # 12
It’s your wedding, you get final say in the dresses. She can wear her sari to another event.
Post # 13
busyhbee : If sari’s are not a part of your or your husbands culture she should NOT be wearing one at your wedding. Re: cultural appropriation
Let her know that too… sometimes young people don’t realize that it is offensive and in porr taste.
Post # 14
I think it’s the perfect time talk to her about cultural appropriation 🙂
Unless it’s part of your culture, but I get a feeling from your post that it is not.
Post # 15
Re. “cultural appropriation”. Are you in the US? If not, don’t even factor that in. I’m in the UK and I had to google it to even know what it was.
I’ve travelled all the way round the world (5 continents and 40 plus countries) and I can tell you that it’s only in the US that anyone cares about this. It’s a western concept that doesn’t exist anywhere else I’ve been. I’m white and I wear saris all the time. I wore Indian clothes when I travelled in India and everyone thought they were sooooo pretty on me and absolutely loved it (I wasn’t with my Darling Husband to give me ‘permission’ either). His family thinks everyone looks nicer in Indian clothes to be honest haha. They live in another Western country (not US) and would think anyone who wore one was just experimenting. They wouldn’t dream of policing other people’s fashion fun! Hindu culture is incredibly open minded. Wherever I go I pick up local clothes and wear them just because I love fashion. Your poor little sister doesn’t need a lecture.
In the US I agree you have to be very careful because of all the identity politics that goes on and I see that Americans get really upset if people cross boundaries. As a European it’s hard for me to understand that but it sounds from the above like people who aren’t even Indian will be offended. So you have to respect that if you know people who have those views.
Apart from that, as I said above, it’s your wedding, so pick your own style and remember she is only young so doesn’t get to outshine you! 😉
dannad : BubblesandCupcakes : I know you disagree but I respect your views as Americans.