Sister wants to wear sari for a bridesmaid dress

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

“Cultural appropriation”? I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

She probs loves it because it’s celebratory, glamorous and makes her feel beautiful.

When I was her age I loved 1940’s clothes for the same reason…

was I appropriating a decade that did not belong to me? 

Post # 17
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am seriously starting to wonder what Americans won’t be offended by soon. I live in America but am of European descent. I am trying to figure out why a person who appreciates someone else’s culture enough to wear a sari, is being offensive? I mean the poor girl isn’t wearing it as a Halloween costume! I don’t see Germans getting offended when people wear lederhosen o_O o well, I guess I am in the minority with my views…

Post # 18
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

busyhbee :   My suggestion would be to ask her to wear the sari wrap at the reception only, and have a regular bridesmaid dress for the ceremony and photographs.  

Post # 19
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

leonatigra :  Whoa. 

 

I think that you need to also look up the term gaslighting, because that’s just what you did to any non western culture. Just because you don’t think it’s a problem, does not mean that there is no problem. Saris are pretty, they are made of beautiful fabric. Wearing them in India seems appropriate as that is the standard dress there (prepared to be corrected on that one from people who are from India). But to wear the cultural dress of another culture, especially at at formal event such as a wedding is not appropriate. 

 

There is a reason that cultural appropriation is more talked about in North America, colonialism of the world by Europeans. You don’t get to invade and disrupt other countries in one century and then tell them that they don’t have ownership over their culture and to ‘let it go’ in another. 

For the record I am a white Canadian who lives in England, so I see both the western sides of your argument. 

 

SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING! Listen, think, research, then talk. 

Post # 20
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

leonatigra :  I’m a UK bee ans cultural appropriation is totally a thing in Scotland 

Post # 21
Bee
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - The School of the Art Institute Ballroom

Perhaps consider suggesting she have a dress made with sari fabric instead? The fabric is beautiful, she’ll get a little of what she wants, you’ll get bridesmaids in dresses like you want!

Post # 22
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

ninjatea :  I agree. I actually was going to make a post looking for advice on how to handle the fact that a friend of mine plans to dress up as “an east Indian person” for Halloween. I am East Indian. I do not love this. She plans to wear a sari and a bindi and has actually asked to borrow some of my Indian jewelry and I have no idea how to handle this. I’m offended becuase it’s not like she’s dressing up as a specific character from a movie or something, she is literally going as “an east Indian person”. I realize this is slightly different from the issue at hand on this post but for those who say cultural appropriation is not real or doesn’t exist, it certainly feels to me like it does in some cases.

Post # 23
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Didn’t read the responses so someone else may have said this but tell her to wear the bridesmaid dress you choose for the ceremony and she can wear her sari at the reception. 

Post # 24
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Your vision of a sari as a “almost costume-y dress” is troubling me. Do you intend to say that, unless the person from India, they shouldn’t wear a sari out of fear of looking costume-y?

I think different people will have different opinions on if is a”big deal”. For some, it might be (those who argue with Cultural Appropiation), or others, she might just look like a girl in a nice dress. In the end, the opinions that matter the most, are the ones from you and your Fiance. Will it be a big deal for you and your Fiance, if your sister wears a sari?

If yes, then ask her to wear the standard-bridesmaid’s dress for the ceremony and then change into the sari. 

Personally, I wouldn’t really care if my sister had decided to wear something unconventional to my wedding. And if I went to any event and saw someone on sari, I’d probably ask her where she got it because they look really comfortable and pretty!

Post # 26
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I live in Scotland, I’m from northern Ireland, cultural appropriation is a ‘thing’ wherever anyone respects different cultures as far as I’m concerned. Saying something isn’t offensive doesn’t mean people won’t be offended. I cringe at the idea of a sari being mindlessly worn in this way. 

 

Op talk to your lil sister about cultural appropriation and appropriateness as well as the importance of respecting your preferences and boundaries. She’s not being malicious, she’s just naive but it’s not appropriate

Post # 27
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

busyhbee :  Other bees have made great comments on the cultural appropriation angle, but I just want to say that since your sister is a pre-teen, she is still learning about what is appropriate behavior at a wedding and for a bridesmaid. At the very least, her wearing a sari is going to be distracting, potentially even offensive. I think most of the things we normally say about bridesmaids having agency over how they dress don’t apply here, since she is not an adult with adult judgment.

Post # 28
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

leonatigra :  just so you know, this isn’t something most Americans are uptight about, either. The vast majority of us believe in free expression and the idea of America as a Melting Pot.

Post # 29
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Unless a sari is traditional for your family, skip the cultural misappropriation, its not appropriate.

Post # 30
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Unless everyone is content to only wear clothing that is a part of their traditional culture, we’re all going to appropriate some aspect of another culture’s dress. I’m assuming that those who would be offended at someone wearing a sari isn’t someone who wears blue jeans or any typical western American wear, ever? Baseball cap? Converse? Jean jacket?

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