(Closed) Sister wives? Polygamy questions!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 184
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I consider myself to be very open-minded about different lifestyles, but this is one that I just cannot wrap my head around :/

I just don’t watch the show and try not to judge. To each their own!

Post # 185
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Personally while I wouldn’t accept that kind of relationship I believe as long as everyone is an adult and willing to accept one person having multiple spouses I see no reaon why it shouldn’t be legal.  If I was a guy I wouldn’t want to have multiple wives.  I probably couldn’t handle having just one.  I would enjoy watching my fiance trying to please multiple wives.

I watched the show when it first aired and slowly became unamused with it.  Kody is just a complete jerk in my opinion.  Even though he annoyed me greatly I kept watching it for awhile.  I stopped when one of the daughters was “rebelling” by wearing, I think, a turtleneck and her mom was upset.  The mom was saying how her daughter couldn’t wear outfits that showed too much or too little.  I just found that too controlling for my tastes.

I personally wouldn’t mind having an openish relationship but the other people my fiance and I would see would never be anything serious.  I would enjoy seeing one or two people casually once and awhile.  I believe in equalness though so if I did that I’d want my fiance to see others as well.  We both don’t get jealous so we wouldn’t have to worry about that.  With that being said my fiance wants a closed relationship and since I don’t mind that’s what we have.

Post # 186
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If adult, mentally competant women (and men, to be more general) want to enter into this type of relationship, I’m ok with it. I’m absolutely not ok with people being married off against their will, either adult-to-adult or child-to-adult.

Everyone’s relationship is different, when you think about. I look at some other women and think, “I could NEVER be married to a guy like that! What is she thinking?!” It’s the way it is. Polygamy doesn’t interest me in the slightest, for my own family, but if other people want to do it, I don’t have a problem with it.

As with *any* type of relationship, I feel sad and upset when I see people being abused or emotionally controlled, and I hate to ever see children being used as pawns, dragged between/among parents, or manipulated in any way. I’m not speaking specifically about this show, as I’ve watched exactly 1 episode of this show, but in general, I have a real “thing” about people dragging their kids onto a reality TV show.

Post # 187
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I haven’t seen this show in a few years, but it always drove me CRAZY when I watched it. I suppose the relationships are sustainable if all parties agree with the situation, but it seems so unbelievably unfair to the children. 

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@Chrysoberyl: You crack me up! Completely agree! “I can barely deal with one Fiance right now. XD I could never have enough strength to nag after two!”

Post # 188
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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@MrsPanda99:

LSD followers don’t believe poligamy is acceptable.  The easiest way to describe it is that there are two different types of mormons.  One doesn’t believe in poligamy while another does.  I’m sure there are more differences than just that but that’s probably the most well known difference.

Post # 189
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t have an opinion on the show as I do not watch it.

 

I DO believe in any relationship you can make work. Man and woman, two guys, two girls, 3 girls one guy, one guy 14 women. As long as everyone is consenting and happy with the situation and they understand its implications, I really don’t care what goes on behind closed doors.

 

Understanding the implication rules out the uncomfortable stuff nicely. No necrophilia, no bestiality (unless the horse is Mr. Ed…), no pedophilia, etc. However if it is a group of people are able to make a relationship work, more power to them. I couldn’t do it personally but I know people who have non-traditional relationships and it works for them. So long as everyone is on board, I don’t really care.

Post # 190
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MrsPanda99:  ha, thanks mom. I just wonder how true reality shows are. I think they skew

shit for ratings. So I’m wondering what kind of education we truly receive from them. A documentary on this would be hella interesting.

Post # 192
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think polyamory/polygamy is fine provided:

 

1. Communication is open and all partners are honest with each other.

 

2. There is no pressure on anyone to be poly or to “accept” their partner being poly while they are not.  

 

3. Women may take other partners as well as men.  Actually, this should be #1, because in Mormon polygamy, women are expected to be submissive and only interested in a shared husband. WTF.  There’s a whole lot of sexist grossness within Mormonism in general, anyway.

 

4. Everything is safe, sane, consensual, and LEGAL.  I know that poly marriage isn’t actually legal in the US and I do think that’s bullshit, so that’s totally not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about not taking children as partners.  Children are children and marrying them off to adults or each other is just sick.  It’s more for the convenience/pleasure of adults than anything else and always has been.

 

 

 

I haven’t seen SW myself, but one site I used to frequent had a lot of SW commentary and it sounded pretty fucked up.  I mean, they’re not as fucked up as certain other reality TV families for sure, but yeah, they should not be the poster children for poly relationships. 

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@MrsPanda99:  I really wish there were actual documentaries of the lives of reality show “stars.” It would be absolutely fascinating.  Pedestals would be broken, but I also think some of the ‘trashier’ people would turn out a lot more sympathetic.

Post # 193
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I don’t care. The women in the show are well aware that they’re sharing the guy with other women. Would I live like that? No. But if an adult man wants to have multiple adult wives and they’re okay with it, it’s their business, not mine. It isn’t like that guy is putting a gun to the women’s heads to force them to “marry” him. If they don’t like it they can get out.

Post # 194
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@chasesgirl:  really? then why are so many people unhappy in that lifestyle and attempt to leave, and are ostracized, excommunicated, lives made hell by these people? More than likely, the women are unhappy but say nothing because that’s what they’re supposed to say. Nothing.

Post # 195
Member
7501 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@strawbs:  Firstly, there are likely quite a few people who are happy in their poly relationships but they don’t speak up or call a lot of attention to themselves because it’s illegal.  If you were happy in your relationship but knew it were illegal, would you be in a huge rush to call attention to yourself? You’re saying there are no happy, healthy poly relationships just because you personally don’t see them. In reality, people are not rushing out to advertize their relationship status.

Yes there are some unhealthy poly relationships out there, and some of the extreme religious sects take it to the point of brainwashing– no one is debating that. But that does not mean that the nature of the relationship is inherently flawed.  It wasn’t too long ago that interracial marriage was illegal and considered “unnatural” and “against god’s will,” and gay marriage is still illegal in most states and considered unnatural and against god’s will by many.   These unhealthy relationships are made unhealthy by the people IN the relationships, not by the nature of the relationship itself.

I still believe that legalizing poly relationships would go a long way towards improving the balance of power and contribution within these relationships, as well as help move away from the stereotype of “one old man with 8 young wives who grew up on the compound.”

Post # 196
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I love watching Sister Wives and Big Love, but I know I could never live that kind of lifestyle. Just the thought of my Fiance with another woman makes my blood boil, so I can’t imagine having to see him kissing another woman on a daily basis, and knowing that he’s having sex with her whilst I’m alone in bed.

Meri and Janelle both seem intelligent, but I do get the impression that Kody and Janelle’s relationship has never been of the physical, passionate kind, so maybe that’s why she doesn’t really struggle with jealousy the way Meri does. They have themselves admitted that their relationship is more “business-like” than anything, and they usually talk about things relating to planning the family finances. They obviously must have had sex to have their kids, but I really can’t imagine them being like rabbits on their nights haha.

Christine is very needy and seems fairly high-maintenance. She always wanted to be the third wife (read: last wife) because in her mind that would make her super special, and she’s been really struggling since Robyn came into the picture. I’m curious to see what will happen with her this series.

Robyn is the neediest of them all, though, but I imagine there’s a lot of pressure on her. The rest of the family has a really long history together, so in a way she will always be the outsider, and that must be a difficult situation to be in. She clearly has other issues going on (what’s with the constant crying??), and I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that her previous husband was abusive :-/

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