Post # 1
This is my first post, but I really need some advice. My sister is 2 years older than me, and we’ve always had sort of a rocky relationship. Over the last 2 months, we’ve really worked on it and made some progress. She and her fiance have had a long engagement, it will be 3 years by the time their wedding comes next July. My fiance and I just got engaged a month ago, and really want to get married in November, preferably of next year. The rub, is that it will 4 months after my sister’s wedding.
She’s pretty distressed about it and told me she wanted 2015 to be HER WEDDING YEAR and that she didn’t want to share the spotlight. I wasn’t certain of the date of my wedding at that point, so I told her not to worry at all. Unfortunately, my dream venue books over a year in advance, and because we’re donating some are pieces to them, they reduced the rental fee by half. It’s almost too good to pass up. Again, this means my wedding is in the same year as my sister’s.
I hadn’t thought a 4 month space was a really big deal, but this morning, she texted me saying she’s going to ask someone else to be her maid of honor if I don’t get married in 2016. She even hinted I might not be a bridesmaid. While I’ve taken the stance of “if picking someone else is what you want, I’m totally supportive”, she also said I don’t have to have her as my maid of honor.
I understand wanting the spotlight for your big day, but this seems a little dramatic. I don’t feel comfortable that she threatened taking away a “maid of honor status” if I don’t change my date. I would never do that to her. I don’t really know what to do.
Any suggestions? I appreciate it!
Post # 2
janellephant: She’s being ridiculous. You get a wedding day, not a wedding year! If your wedding was before her I could at least understand her jealously, but with yours after, her being jealous doesn’t even make sense. And 4 months between is plenty of gap – I know a brother and sister whose weddings were that close and there were no problems.
I think you should call her bluff and have your wedding when it suits you and your Fiance – especially when it involves such a good deal. If she drops you from the bridal party over that, she will just look like a B.
Post # 3
janellephant: Make the decisions that are right for you and your Fiance. She does not get the whole year.
If you have family members that have to travel at considerable expense, it can be difficult for them to have two weddings to attend close together. Yours is the second wedding so if they decline one, it’s likely to be yours as your invitations will go out after hers (of course you can always send STD’s to make sure guests who live far away are given enough notice).
I have never been a fan of blackmail and that’s what your sister is attempting to do to you.
Post # 4
No, dont give in to your sister’s demands and blackmail. She doesn’t get a whole year. She gets a wedding day and then a lifetime of marriage. This is what it is all about.
I think that you are doing the right thing by being calm and firm. You don’t have to be nasty and you don’t have to give in to her.
Just enjoy your own engagement, your wedding day and your marriage – at a time of your choosing.
Post # 5
A wedding YEAR? Seriously? Wow, you’re sister is quite the peach. You will probably dodge a bullet not being in her bridal party anyway if she thinks the entire year should be dedicated to her. I can’t even imagine what demands she’s going to make of them.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
No way does she get a whole year. I think four months is plenty of time between the two, and she can’t blackmail you into changing your date. I have two cousins who are engaged; one texted me last week saying they were looking at dates for next year and did we have any dates planned that they should avoid, to which I said “May 30th, thanks for asking!” and I’m having lunch with the other cousin next week (she’s very recently engaged) and will be letting her know our date as well – but so long as she doesn’t go for the same date as us, I couldn’t care less if her wedding is two days or two months after ours. Wanting a whole year is incredibly selfish.
Post # 7
Don’t give in! Your sister sounds awful! (I have three myself and two of them are extremely difficult to get along with, so TRUST ME, I know)
The other ladies are correct. You get ONE DAY! Do whatever’s best for you. Also, in regards to being her Maid/Matron of Honor, consider it a blessing. I can only imagine how difficult she would be throughout the planning process- talk about Bridezilla.
Post # 8
I got married on June 7th and my sister is getting married September 6th, we have no issues and she was my Maid/Matron of Honor and I will be hers. I don’t think anyone should get a whole year! Originally my sister had scheduled her wedding for July 12th which I wasn’t thrilled about but still ok with, they changed the date due to reasons that had nothing to do with me.
Post # 9
janellephant: She’s acting like a child and needs to get over herself. As you will commonly here on WB, every bride GETS ONE DAY, not a friggin year! Insane! She doesn’t get to bogart 2015 just because she’s getting married on one day of the year. Here’s what I suggest you do- select the date you and your fiance want, book it at your dream venue, and let her get over it. If she’s going to throw a tantrum and remove you from the bridal party, let her. She’s the one who will look like an immature brat, not you.
Post # 10
Are you my twin?!
I’ve had the exact same problem, circumstances and all. My sis felt the same way. Know what I did, and what I’m still doing? Whatever I want. Some day something will happen and it’ll hit her that it’s not the end of the world. Don’t give up on what you want for the sake of her.
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses, ladies!
I told her I was completely in support of her decision no matter what, and she told me she’s picking a friend of hers to be her maid of honor now.
The awkward thing is that the friend she’s choosing is one that was originally a co-maid of honor with me. They got into a fight, and she told the girl she didn’t want her as the Maid/Matron of Honor anymore. Now she’ll have to go back and ask her to be it again.
Post # 12
Her wedding “year” seriously? Its not like you are getting married the weekend after her. Shes being very selfish and good luck to her with the way she has been treating people. She needs to get over helfself!
Post # 13
janellephant: She is being ridiculous. I have three sisters and two of them got married last year and I got married this year. I like that we all celebrated such a wonderful milestone so close together!
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
janellephant: Jeeze. Sorry you have to deal with that. I also have a rocky relationship with my sister and she is very much the same since she is older and got engaged first. Their wedding is a month and 2 weeks exactly before ours.
Your sister sounds likea bully. Is being a brdiesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor important to you? If that is all she can hold over your head then you have to decide if it is important to you. Personally I would book the wedding when you want to because it is your wedding and she is being unreasonable.
Post # 15
Thank you to everyone that wrote advice for me, I really appreciate it!
I wish I could say my sister has begun to soften, but unfortunately, she’s now cold shouldering me entirely; and hasn’t spoken to me for nearly 3 weeks. When I do see her, she completely ignores me. I’m holding steadfast to my wedding date, booked the venue and am remaining nice towards her (although she acts as if she doesn’t hear me).
My thoughts are, if she feels a single day is worth sacraficing our relationship, then I might as well move ahead with what is supposed to be a happy and positive milestone. She’s my only sibling, I really didn’t think she would take it this far. I fear how long she will drag this on for…