(Closed) Sister/MOH being a royal pain

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9205 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Ooh crappy :/  I’m sorry!  I would just talk to her and see if she would be more comfortable not being the maid of honor.  If she’s this bitter about it all, she might prefer a smaller role as a regular bridesmaid.  I’d also be honest and tell her how much this is hurting your feelings.  Or if that seems like an uncomfortable topic, ask your mom to talk to her?  good luck xox

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Did you actually ask her previously to be your maid of honour, or did you just assume she would be? Because it sounds as though she didn’t even know about it!

Have you tried just having a conversation with her about what she’s doing and saying, and asking her what you can both do to resolve it? E.g. When she says she doesn’t want to be there, maybe say “I’m really sorry you feel that way, can you tell me why you wouldn’t want to come to my wedding? Maybe we can work something out.”

Also, it sounds as though she’s feeling life has passed her by. She’s living with her parents and a couple of cats (at age 28), well on her way to becoming a crazy old spinster. On top of that, she doesn’t seem to have any chance to landing a boyfriend soon, so chances are she won’t be getting married for another five years or so (at least), meaning she may not have kids or anything until she’s in her mid to late 30s (assuming she does everything in the “normally planned” order). Then she sees you, her little sister getting everything and your mother gushing over it all – all attention is focused on you and your special day, and your parents are forking out a hefty sum of money to make you happy. Yeah, I’d be bitter and pissed off too. Is it right for her to take it out on you? Absolutely not! But whatever she’s feeling, it’s valid and she has every right to feel that way.

I think just sit down and talk with her about what’s going on – try and get her to talk about what she’s thinking and feeling or, failing that, maybe just stop talking about the wedding for a week (when she’s around) and just have attention focused on her and remind her how important she is to you and your parents.

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Your sister isn’t handling things well, but I can see why she’s having a hard time with this. It seems like she’s going through a tough time and it’s probably hard for her to be happy. Also, if she’s unemployed and in debt,  $15,000 on a wedding probably seems like a lot. I think you should talk to her and try to re-connect, without bringing up the wedding. See what she’s going through. She needs to be reminded that you’re sisters who support each other first. Once you two are on better terms, I’d bring up the wedding again, asking her if she’d prefer to be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 6
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I would plainly ask her if she wants to be in the bridal party and if not, she’s out.  I don’t have patience for these types of things, and both of my sisters are in a similar situation as your sister (and they are my BMs).  I also would not invite her friends to the wedding on her stipulation that that’s the only way to get her to attend the wedding.  With that said, I hope she gets out of her bad attitude and sees that this is a special day for you and that the constant negativity about it is not helping.

Post # 8
Member
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

If she’s not being helpful/supportive then I think you shoud demote her. She herself asked to not be your Maid/Matron of Honor, so if you have a discussion with her about whether she’d like to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, just a Bridesmaid or Best Man, or just a guest then maybe you two can come to an understanding. My Darling Husband ended up demoting his best man and promoting another friend to that position because his best man refused to do anything that a best man is supposed to do. Darling Husband was so happy to have a best man who actually gave a crap standing with him on the day of the wedding.

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