(Closed) Sister/MOH Drama. I really need sound advice on this one!

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I kick my sisters out of my wedding?
    Yes, they are being unfair and hurtful. : (20 votes)
    59 %
    No, you can't kick family out of your wedding. : (14 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee

    You can kick whomever you’d like out of your wedding, it’s YOUR wedding. I think kicking them out might have some lasting repercutions though, so unless you’re prepared for that, maybe think about it. Could you sit them both down and let them know what you expect out of them and lay down some ground rules to help you and your mom get through the day drama-free?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Wow. Poor you! I don’t know what to say to you.

    I guess this is about how you see their role in your life, in the future – are you willing to cut off all contact? Because I’d imagine that’s what you’re looking at, if you boot them. Would your mom be happy/relieved/mad if you booted them? Even though they hurt her, she could be one of those moms that will defend them to the last…

    Post # 5
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Honestly – I think you are stuck.  To kick them out of the wedding would unleash all holy hell.  I’m sorry they are being unhelpful and mean to your mom.  I think you should talk to them about how they are treating her and how hurtful it is for you to see them treat your mom this way.  You aren’t going to change their opinions of your mom or likely their behavior, but you should say something on your mother’s behalf.

    As for their unhelpfulness with the wedding – if helpfulness was a requirement for bridal parties – there would be far fewer people standing with their friends come the wedding day.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Hang in there – I’ve found that the drama ebbs and flows – and there are seasons of less craziness than others!

    Post # 8
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @brideatbeach:I can understand the comments completely and understand how they are the exact opposite of the type of support you want and deserve for your MOH’s.  But, you already asked them – it’s not like you are debating if you should ask them.  It seems like you now want to punish them for their history of bad behavior.  Your relationship with them will change as you become a married woman.  Unfortunately, you cannot police them for how they are treating your mom – you can only tell them how you feel about it and help your mom cope with their ugliness.  But, I really do think if you kick them out you will stir up even more drama and will fracture the relationship for good.  If you are ready to have them not be in your life (and you not in their kids life) then give them the boot.  But, it sounds like you are more sick of their behavior and want them to see how severe it is (by the extreme decision to kick them out) – I guess the point I’m trying to make is that by doing that – you’ll only be creating a target for them to lash out at (you) and not be doing anything to actually help the situation.

    Post # 9
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I kinda have the same thing going on ,, I just plan to make a thank you speech at the reseption thanking all that have been helpfull including names ,, leaving out the ones that have been a real pain in the bleeeeep thats gunna be my way of feeling better about having people in the wedding and at that r on my last nerve! good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would talk to them both. I would tell them what your hopes are for the planning process and wedding day, as well as what you are asking them to do and what there responsibilities are. Then I would let them each know that you wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t want to be a Maid/Matron of Honor, and they could step down if they didn’t think they could fulfill those duties and be supportive of you during the process. It gives them an out without resorting to kicking them out.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    i think after already asking them to be in it, it will be a bit too much drama to kick them out. i say just pretend they arent really part of it but let them do their walk down the aisle on the day. to be fair no one really cares much about matrons of honor.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @brideatbeach:Hang in there.  They may be going through their own issues that you don’t even realize.  I had the WORST WORST WORST first 9 months or so of my engagement with my older sister.  I thought she’d be there for me – but she was bitter and divisive and it was some of the worst months in my life.  I had to put her at arms length for a while, because I refused to accept the way she was treating both myself and my Fiance.  I almost cancelled the entire wedding over it – but the hive actually helped me think through the reasons that I wanted to have a wedding.  The whole situation actually made me see how important it was for me to say my vows in front of the people that cared about me.  It was also a growing time, because I realized how much I wanted my sister to be different than she was – and it was also a time of acceptance (that I can’t make her different than she is).

    She has since made a complete change and I’m grateful that I didn’t do anything out of my frustration and disappointment (like I wanted to) that would cause even more need for repair of the relationship.

    I think the best advice I could give you is to hang in there.  Look to those that love you and are supportive of you for what you need… and even though your sisters are your MOHs – find those people in your life (like your mom) that you can turn to for support.  Your sister’s can’t give it to you right now and that’s really sad and unfortunate and they are the ones missing out on this time in your life, unfortunately.  I hope they, like mine did, end up surprising you with their love and support as the wedding gets closer.

    Post # 16
    Member
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Oh my gosh…I just wrote a post about my TWO OLDER SISTERS to and whether or not I should have them as bridesmaids!! Right above your post! 

     

    In your case, I would keep them on as bridesmaids, as long as they are supportive. The complaining about the dresses and changing wedding dates, etc….are just minor issues. Sisters sometimes act weird when little sisters get married…..they might have some weird emotions, etc.

     

    As far as me, I am seriously thinking of not having my older sisters as bridesmaids anymore, because they are very negative/unsupportive about my relationship and future marriage with my fiance. I do not want unsupportive people up there with me…….even the vibes would bother me. I do feel a bit emotional about it……but I am really thinking I can’t have them as BMs anymore. They are both unmarried, so I think this explains why they are acting so weird……

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