(Closed) Sister/room mate won't pay shared expenses!! LONG!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Pepperwoodsy:  Wow…this sounds like a really tough situation. Have you spoken to your mother about any of this? She might be able to get your sister to pony up. Otherwise, if I were you, I would give her notice, and then I would change the wifi password, Hulu password, and stop cooking for her until she paid her share. It is definitely not fair to you to be taken advantage of. I don’t think I would have the heart to kick my sister out, but I would do all of those other things I listed.

Post # 4
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP if you let her move in to be closer to school and she isn’t going to school then she can move home to your mother’s. 

Post # 5
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Is she struggling with depression or stress?  She was a good student, now she’s not.  She use to pay you, now she’s not.  She use to help around the house, now she’s not.  It sounds like she’s changed quite a bit.  Is it possible something is going on with her?

Post # 6
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MarriedtoMedSchool:  

@Trinisexy2:  

@stuckinwonderland:  

All good advice.

Time for a house meeting.  Address what the original agreement was for her to move in with you.  What has happened since then.  You and your FI’s current expectations (re-enroll in classes, get a job, pay her share of the expenses, pitch in on chores with a chore chart if you have to, etc…) with an expiration/move out date.  Be firm on the move out date and if she doesn’t shape up, pack her stuff and have it ready to go.

Call your mom and give her a heads up on the situation right before the house meeting so she is aware of the situation and can hopefully offer you and your sister some advice.  But definitely talk to yoru mom before your sister or she will make it look like you are being horrible to her when in fact, you are being very fair and she is taking advantage of you and your Fiance.

Post # 7
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

P.S. Your not her parents, you are roommates and no roommates would put up with a roommate that doesn’t pay their share of the bills for very long.  Definitely explore the fact that she might be depressed but make sure she knows she is expected to be an adult and pay her way in the real world as if you are her roommates and not her parents.

Post # 8
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does she rent directly from your landlord, or does she essentially sublet from you?  If it’s the former, I’d just stop paying for her and let her hash it out with the landlord.  If your rent is per person, it would make sense that each person has a direct deal with the landlord.

 

As for helping out around the house, when I lived with 3 roommates we had a chore chart.  Might be something to think about when someone “doesn’t think to clean”.

 

Otherwise I think a conversation about how this place was offered to her to be closer to school and that’s a criteria she no longer requires, so you’re going to go ahead and reduce the per person rate and have her move out.

 

Post # 9
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think I’d give her a bit of tough love, don’t make her dinner, change the Hulu password, cut off the electricity, cable, interner to her room if you can. You have to let her know this is unacceptable and that you aren’t going to enable her anymore. It was very kind of you to take her in, and she should appreciate that. 

Post # 11
Member
46645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People can only take advantage of you if you let them. You are not doing your sister any favor by letting her live for free, not go to school, not help with the chores,  etc etc etc..

Post # 13
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

Sorry you’re in this situation, I’d be frustrated too, but I think you need to go the tough route at this point. She really doesn’t have any incentive to start paying orhelping around the house because nothing bad happens when she doesn’t do it. Shes like a toddler or a puppy, they aren’t going to learn anything unless there are consequences. 

Post # 14
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Now it’s time to put an expiration date and be firm.  Pack her shit and put it on the front porch if she doesn’t get it.  As a former roommate myself, if one of my roommates didn’t pay the bills for a few months, I would pack her shit in boxes and set it in the front yard after changing the locks.  I don’t think I would have any problems getting the other roommates to help me out either.  Everyone has to pull their own weight or get the heck out.

I agree with PPs that you need to cut off the utilities she isn’t paying for.  Her paying the rent but not paying you and your Fiance for the utilities is a HUGE slap in the face.

Post # 15
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Pepperwoodsy:  Oh sorry, i guess I didn’t read too carefully.  I think if that’s the case, I would do as some others above have said.  Just tell her that you’ve decided that since there’s only two paying for these things, she can either opt out of paying for AND using the internet/hulu.  If she doesn’t watch much tv or use the wireless, I think that’s fair enough.  As for groceries, just give her a shelf to put her own purchases on, and make it clear that she’s to buy her own.  Gas/Hydro are a little mor difficult, but hopefully she’ll get the idea quickly.

Post # 16
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Pepperwoodsy:  Your sister sounds like my younger brother used to be. She knows you’ll be there for her and take care of things. You have to let her be an adult and be more responsible. As another PP said, if she were rooming with anyone else and not paying her share she would have been asked to leave. She’s an adult so have an adult conversation with her, but if she doesn’t shape up you may have to ask her to return home where I assume your mother will force her to shape up based on what you are saying. A little bit of tough love might go a long way.

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