(Closed) Sisters and Weddings; My Dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t really have much to say as far as advise. I have told everyone in my family and his that if they cause ANY drama they will be asked to leave. NO EXCEPTIONS. It is my day and I’m not going to deal with it. If you are afraid your sister will just cause problems then don’t invite her. It’s YOUR day and it should be stress free. I think I would get a professional councelor to talk to her. Even if you tell her you want to talk to her and say they are your friend or have them sit at a different table, if you meet at a restaurant, so they can hear her and try to help her somehow.

Post # 5
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Bellanouva:  Wow, that’s awful.  It does sound like your sister needs some help and maybe an intervention would do the trick but even if not, at least you know you tried, right?

My only advise would be to NOT make the intervention about getting her “fixed” for your wedding or on being conditional to being part of your “new life” because that’s exactly how she’ll take it and she’ll shut down on you.  Leave anything about the wedding off the table – this is about her getting help and repairing your family.  Whatever she chooses to do from there on out will give you your answer about what to do about inviting her to the wedding or including her in your life going forward

Talk to your family and then research some professionals who do interventions and ask for their help and guidance.  Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bellanouva: I can sympathize and don’t think you are callous or anything of the sort. My one sister will not be attending our wedding either, by my choice.  I’ve always been a big old softie when it comes to her, but it has come to a point where not matter how much I would like her to be there, I had to make a choice. Bottom line is that if you are questioning wanting her there and are afraid of how she might behave and has caused some drama at weddings in the past, I would go with your gut and not invite her.  If you want to talk more or in greater detail feel free to PM me, I definitely understand.

Post # 9
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The telling or not telling is a sticky situation. On one hand, not telling might be the best way to handle it, on the other, it could cause the drama/craziness/total freak you are afriad of. Is the date you listed the correct date? A lot could change between now and then. She could have a big wake up call and change, or just totally drop out of your life and it might not be a big deal. I know with my sister, who sounds very similiar to yours, she just kind of went away. She’ll still try to stir things up once in a great while, but for the most part she no longer choses to have contact with any of us. While it isn’t the most ideal situation, it is by far the easiest when family events happen.

Post # 11
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bellanouva: I’ll PM you.

Post # 13
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

ugh this is awful. I don’t think not having her at your wedding is a bad thing at all.  She has proved herself a taker, which is sad.

We have a similar family situation but with my brother…. i have no problem not inviting him to anything. he’s miserable and his goal is to take us down with him.  It’s supposed to be a day to celebrate the start of a new family!!! good luck and stick with your gut

Post # 15
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Keeping you safe from her should be the priority.  At this point in time, you’ve said that you genuinely don’t feel safe from her, therefore I think it’s completely understable not to have her at your wedding.  (If things change and she gets better, then perhaps reassess the situation but for now consider her out). 

It sounds as though she has some serious mental health issues.  If you or someone she listens to could encourage her to see a therapist, I think it would be worthwhile.

I hope you can get this settled soon and start enjoying the wedding preparations.  You truly deserve the happiness. 

Good luck hun. 

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@bellanouva  We have had a similar situation with my DH’s sister.  In our case, she has become a emotionally and physically abusive to his elderly parents. Leading up to the wedding there were forced hospitalizations, ambulance call, lots of drama, etc.  For our wedding, we actually paid for a very expensive cab ride where she was brought to the wedding and left shortly after dinner because we didn’t want his parents, family members, or any of our friends have to deal with driving her if she had a tantrum. We were shocked that she actually behaved herself in this very public situation.  However, things have gotten worse since the wedding and she was not welcomed at thanksgiving.   

From my experience, a lot can happen in 3 days much less 3 years.  She may have a change of heart or awakening.  At this point you could definitely work on planning the wedding and evaluate her relationship with your family when it is time for the invites to go out.  Be aware that there will likely be drama associated with not inviting her.  However, if she is a physical hazard to other family members, I think you are making a wise yet difficult decision.  

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