(Closed) Sister’s bad behavior on my wedding day… annoyingly long.

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wow…so sorry to hear this. i would take the high road and send a thank you card for the gift. just a short and pleasant note will do. then, after some time has passed, i would have a heart to heart with her. as hard as it may seem, try to keep your feelings in control and don’t criticise. just let her know that you were hurt and what actions hurt you. then come up with a solution to remedy the situation. maybe write it out and practice what you are going to say beforehand. perhaps you can even practice with your husband and he can come up with possible answers your sister might provide, while you try to answer them in a calm manner.

just remember, there are things you can control and those you cannot. you cannot control your sister’s behavior, but you can choose to live a life filled with people who add value to your life and have your best interest at heart. you cannot control the cause(s) of the miscarriage (and i am truly and deeply sorry for your loss), but you can control your decision to make your peace with it and move forward.

life’s short…..be happy. don’t let others get you down. congratulations on your wedding and look forward to sunny days ahead!Smile

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im so sorry for you on many levels so i hope you are looking after yourself!  i would just write her a short & polite thankyou for her gift and leave it at that. 

move on, look towards your future and be happy – life is too short to carry grudges

take care of yourself

 

Post # 5
Bee
12419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

First of all, so sorry you are going through this situation.  It sounds awful.

I’d just write a quick thank you note and then try my best to forget about the situation.  It doesn’t sound like it’s worth it to have a person like that in your life. 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry to hear for your loss. That is a woman’s worst nightmare. Obviously this is a bad situation. Like they say “you can’t pick your family”, but you can choose not to have them in your life. This women seems toxic to your well being. I say keep your distance, but do not avoid and let time heal.

 

Post # 8
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am so, so sorry *HUG*

As someone with a half sister ten years older, I can relate.

You have done everything that you could do, and she is the one that has decided to shape the relationship this way. It’s sad, and horrifyingly manipulative, but in a way a blessing. This toxic person is at a distance and thank goodness for that.
Maybe after a few years she’ll grow up a little and want to earn your trust again.

Meanwhile, she has sent a gift and the proper response would be to send a thank you note. It doesn’t have to be anything special, just a “thank you very much for the thoughtful gift”. And from there, hold your head up high and keep moving forward.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh, you poor thing!! 🙁

I don’t even know what to say! What an awful, awful person! I guess take the high road? Or don’t respond, we won’t judge you either way!

Post # 10
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry you had to go through all that and extremely sorry to hear about losing your baby – best of luck in the future!!  As annoying as it is, I would continue to take the high road (or just dont send her a thank you card!)  Perhaps another tiem would be a better time to vent to your sister, I do think she deserves it.  Congrats on your wedding too!

Post # 11
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I would just write the shortest most impersonal thank you note ever and call it a day. That seems like a really bad situation. In my personal experience, being the good guy is always more satisfying than calling someone out on their bad behaviour, especially when it seems the person is never going to take the hint anyway.

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry.  And while I’ve never had a miscarraige, I know what it’s like to feel like someone’s health got screwed up due to circumstances that, you could sya, were preventable.  -However, since you don’t know for certain, I think the best thing for you is to not analyze it too much.  I think that can cause someone to go mad.

I agree to write her a thank you note.  But be sure to put as much time and effort into it as she put into your wedding and gift. 

So basically it should read:

Thanks for the Target card.

Sincerely,

northernazbride

 

…Maybe she’ll get the hint.  So sorry.

Post # 13
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh my gosh. I am so very terribly sorry about your loss. Obviously, that woman has done enough damage so I think at thi spoint you should focus on yourself. Since you are stressing about the thank you note, I would write it *only* to clear the worry from your head. I would write a very brief note like Tanya123 suggested. Nothing personal that invests any more emotion from you. Then, I hope you will be able to focus more on your own peace and healing. Have you been able to grieve? Talking to a counselor can really help, as can marking the loss with a momento such as a baby blanket that you save in a special place.

I wish you peace and happiness – and congratulations on your new marriage! I hope each new day is better than the last.

Post # 14
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

$25 target card? How cheeeeap for a lawyer too! Wow, so sorry about your loss, you are better off without

Post # 15
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Aweful!!! Terrible story, you have my deepest sympathy for the pain this has caused you.

Short and sweet note, then drop it. Honestly, toxic people, and they clearly know how to make a person miserable. Don’t invite it into your life.

Post # 16
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

sending you so many hugs!

I agree with the other bees: impersonal card and then cut her out of your life unless she makes a first move to come back!

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