Sister's BF cheated on her, need advice (NWR)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

sassybeee :  If he’s as sorry and remorseful as he sounds, he will give her space and respect her decision. He jumped on the first opportunity to have sex with someone else while his Girlfriend was out of town. He does not get to try and guilt her into forgiving him. Forgiveness isn’t given, it’s earned. Frankly, berating her night after night does not count as earning back her trust. 

As for your sister, I would tell her to take some time to herself. She does not have to make any decisions right away. If this boy is truly remorseful, he’ll also be patient and wait for her to come around–so there should be no rush. If he’s also handing out ultimatums, than he can suck the next dick he comes into contact with. I would just offer her support no matter what she decides, but urge her to take a few days, weeks, heck, even a couple of months to herself. Tell her that it’s okay to grieve the loss of trust, the loss of the relationship, to feel the betrayal. 

I would also advise her to get tested for Save-The-Date Cards right away and make that a condition of them getting back together, that he provides proof of him getting tested as well. All I can say is that this decision has to be your sister’s. The best you can do is let her know that you love and support her no matter what, but advise her to take some time to herself. There are men out there who will not cheat on her. 

Post # 17
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

Your parents are really failing your sister right now. They shouldn’t be feeling sorry for her ex and trying to justify your father’s cheating through their treatment of him. They should be on your sister’s side. Be the one person who’s standing up for your sister’s self-esteem and telling her she deserves better.

Post # 18
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your parents are giving terrible, destructive advice.

Did your father cheat 2 years into the relationship? If not, I think you should tell your sister that there is no comparison and hers.

Either way, you should tell him she should dump him. She is getting such bad advice from your parents, she desperately needs to hear the opposite point of view.

You might also want her to refer her to wedding bee (or any other forum) to ask about her situation, to see what other women’s experiences are with cheaters. Your dad is very much the exception.

Post # 19
Member
11643 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I agree with PP, your parents are sending the wrong message here. Number one is their daughter. They should have her back and be teaching her that she is worth being cherished and respected. 

‘As for you, there’s no reason to take a side. Be there for her. Validate her feelings. Encourage her to take time for herself.

His behavior is screaming controlling, not loving tenderness and regret. 

Post # 20
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Another thing I have noticed, both from life and from being on this forum a while: parents (especially mothers) often develop a strange affection for their child’s first love. It is usually mothers having an attachment to their son’s first girlfriend, but perhaps we’re seeing it here with their daughter’s first bf: they’ve got rose-coloured glasses and think this guy is wonderful. When in fact they should be putting their daughter’s interests first. In other words, it’s another reason not to trust your parents’ judgement.

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