Post # 1
So, shit just hit the fan. And I need some input.
My oldest sister (lets call her Sarah) is really, really promiscuous. She has been that way forever and just does not care. She has been married twice, both marriages ended because she cheated. She is just very…”extra”. My youngest sister (lets call her Amanda) is a little more chill, but her and Sarah have always clashed. So, Amanda just got engaged a few months ago and we were in the middle of planning her wedding, which Sarah and I are both bridesmaids. We were doing lots of planning and activities together and I noticed that Amanda and Sarah seemed to be arguing a lot, but like I said they have always clashed. Well fast forward to a week ago and I get a call from Amanda and she is very upset, she asks if I she can come over and I said sure. So she comes over and tells me that she thinks Sarah is sleeping with her fiance. At first, I was shocked that she would even think that; I mean, that’s our sister. I ask her why on earth she would think that and it turns out that there’s a few reasons. The first reason being that her fiance (lets call him Tom) has Sarah’s name saved as something “cute” in his contacts-a nickname type play on her name. Secondly, Tom mentioned that he finds Sarah attractive and “jokingly” said he might have asked her out if he met her first. So those two things I guess resulted in Amanda going through Tom’s phone and in the phone she found a picture of Sarah that she sent Tom. She said it was just a selfie pic, nothing risque. And in the text conversation he responded back with “beautiful” or something like that.
Obviously, being that these are my sisters, I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do, but I offered my condolences. But there was something she wanted me to do-she wanted me to confront Sarah and find out for her if there was something going on. I told her I was not comfortable being in the middle and she said she understood and then left. So the next day, my mom of course found out about all this and she was PISSED. So my mom takes it upon herself to call Sarah. She told Sarah that she had a lot of explaining to do and needs to come to her house ASAP. My mom also asked Amanda and I to be there as well so we can work through it as a family. So, we go to the house (I cracked open a bottle of wine to try and ease tensions-spoiler alert, it didn’t work) and Amanda very calmly asks Sarah if she is sleeping with her fiance. Sarah denies it and calls Amanda crazy, calls my mom and I b-tches for taking Amanda’s side etc. So my mom told Sarah that she wants to see her phone. Sarah said no-but kicker, Sarah (at 29 years old) is still on our mom’s cell phone plan. So my mom said either she hands the phone over or her service is getting shut off for good. So Sarah relents and my mom goes through the phone. My mom went through it, had a disgusted look on her face and told Sarah she needed to leave (she kept her phone). She then tells Amanda that she needs to confront her fiance over what has been happening. Amanda is devesated, crying, hysterical so much so that my mom then told her she didn’t want her driving and to spend the night. So, my mom goes into the bathroom to run Amanda a hot bath and get things relaxing for her etc. She has her hot bath, relaxes, goes to bed and seems to be having a nice peaceful sleep. So finally my mom and I have some alone time and I ask her wtf she found in Sarah’s phone and it turns out Sarah and Tom have been texting pretty consistently (like everyday). I asked my mom if they were sexual/inappropriate things and she said no, but a lot of selfies were being sent back and forth and they call each other affectionate names.
So, I go home and I have already decided that this is all too much and I am just distancing myself from this situation. A few days go by, I keep myself busy and not ask about it. I don’t hear from Sarah or Amanda, but I talked to my mom today and according to her the wedding is still on. I asked if Sarah and Amanda made up and my mom said yes…soooo yeah. I am thinking of telling Amanda that if she is going to go through with this cluster f-k of a marriage, that I don’t want to be involved. But idk! I guess any advice would be helpful….
Post # 2
WOW. I’m not even sure I have a useful comment on all that. What a mess. Both their behavior sounds shady af. If my husband was having a flirtlationship with my sister while we were engaged and I found out, we sure as shit wouldn’t be married. And his admission about being attracted to her! I can’t even.
You can’t really tell your younger sister what to do, but I do think you should stick by her. You don’t necessarily have to endorse her decision to move forward with the marriage, but keep asking her how she feels about everything..maybe if you push her for some introspection then she’ll be able to build up the courage to walk.
Post # 3
So what did Sarah and Tom say about this? That they’re just friends?
ive always gotten close to my sisters boyfriends, we’ve had a brother sister type relationship and will occasionally text but selfies and pet names and keeping it a secret? That’s sketchy as fuck.
id be really upset with Sarah and Tom and scared for Amanda to marry this asshole.
Post # 4
linaloves7 : Quite a story! I think you should participate only if you’re comfortable participating. You’re stuck with the family drama regardless, but the marriage is probably doomed from the start, so personally, I wouldn’t be able to take any of it seriously. Just be there to support little sis when big sis runs away with little sis’s fiancé. Hopefully, little sis will come to her senses sooner rather than later, and call off the wedding. I wouldn’t count on big sis coming to her senses any time soon. She’s old enough to know better. I guess you just have to accept some family members for who they are.
Post # 5
What did your mom say about the whole thing? If she’s funding the wedding she should pull the plug!
And how could little sister ever trust her fiancé again?! If he’s willing to send pictures and texts and have pet names with your sister… who wouldn’t he flirt with! And this is before they are even married. I would in no way support this.
Post # 6
I have lots of siblings and we are all as different as they come. I’m like you in the regard that I try keep my relationships on even keel with all of them and I’m often the bridge between siblings that don’t see eye to eye. I get not wanting to be involved and pick sides as that’s the minefield of my life pretty much everyday but the relationship between my siblings doesn’t even remotely reach the levels of the situation you are describing.
Honestly OP, this is a situation that you despite your reservations, you should be involved in. By not getting involved you are doing a disservice to both your sisters and the relationship you have with them.
You should be talking to your older sister asking her wtf she is playing at by doing what she is doing to your younger sister. Your older sister needs therapy ASAP because she is harming herself by the choices she makes in life. Clearly something major is going on with her mental health because she is continuing to create poor situations for herself. If you care about her then you should be actively pushing for her to sort out her life with the help of a professional.
As for your younger sister. You’ve not made an effort to contact her regarding this. She’s probably confused and is feeling very torn and upset over this. The only people she’s getting input from over this is your mum and her fiancé and from the sounds of this both your mum and her fiancé have vested interested in patching things over and pretending it didn’t happen. You should be the honest sounding board for your younger sister. You should be the person who is telling her that the red flags in her relationship with her fiancé should not be ignored. That the doubt in her mind is real and something she should not be ignoring. To pull away in her time if need is not being a good sister to her.
Forget about whether you want or need to be in the wedding for now. Talk to your sister and help her first. You can cross the bridge on being a bridesmaid later. You should also be talking to your mum too. I’m sure she is feeling very stressed and torn about this and might really need the support too.
Post # 7
linaloves7 : I saw that coming when you mentioned one sister is a party girl and the other one is engaged.
I originally had a different answer but as one PP mentioned, ignoring this is doing a disservice. Push Sarah to get therapy and Amanda to leave Tom. He can’t be part of your family if he’s tearing it apart.
Post # 8
linaloves7 : I just can’t imagine this will all blow over – even if the wedding happens, Amanda is ALWAYS going to be suspicious of Sarah and Tom. That’s going to eat her alive. I have 1 sister and I went into this thinking “there’s nothing that sisters can’t get over” and honestly, it would be awhile before I could talk to my sister even if nothing physical actually happened. Tom would be long gone because I wouldn’t be able to live with the suspicion.
I have called my sister a nickname for a loooong time that is really just a play on the pronunciation her name – not a “pet” or cutesy name at all. It’s been so long that my dad even calls her by that name most of the time (if that gives you any indication of how not cutesy the name is). Darling Husband and I have been together for almost 11 years (known each other for 14 total) and he has never, not once, called her by this nickname. They have a good relationship, and they will text occasionally, definitely not ever day. I honestly wouldn’t even MIND if he called her by the nickname because it means literally nothing to my immediate family besides a familial relationship, but that just goes to show that this has definitely crossed an emotional line, if not a physical one.
Post # 9
linaloves7 : Well….
just for my own personal reference, i would find out why they were able to patch things up so quickly.
I cant imagine any excuse would be enough to drop all suspicions, but i’d hear them out. But only because if i didnt, Tom and Sarah would be out of my life despite what Amanda thinks.
But that is just me. You should support Amanda and try to make sure she is 100% sure about her decision. I would def. reach out to her and if she really wants to go through with it, I would be there to support her on her day, but again, any future relationship with Tom or Sarah would be very dependent on their “explanation”.
This is sad, I am sorry you are dealing with all this.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
What in the world. I don’t blame you one bit. That is just to much.
Post # 11
linaloves7 : OMG THIS IS THE WORST THING IVE READ ALL WEEK.
Sodid anyone find out or confirm on the cheating? Like the messages along give it away, but did anyone own up to it??? So many questions
Post # 12
LIKE ITS NOT EVEN SEEING MESSAGES FROM OTHER WOMEN…ITS HER OWN SISTER..FAMILY. LIKE, SOMEONE HE WILL CONSTANTLY BE SEEING OR HEARING ABOUT.
Post # 13
Where’s “Tom” in all of this? Anyone talk to him about his sketchy, cheating ways?
Post # 14
Kind of dying for an update…
linaloves7 : I really hope you have take steps to side with / help your younger sister. This “Tom” person is not good for her.
Post # 15
Update: A month ago Amanda found nude pictures of Sarah on Tom’s phone…..after threats of physical violence by my dad and brother, Tom admitted that he’s been sleeping with Sarah since him and Amanda first started dating. My parents cut Sarah off and insisted she go to therapy. Amanda says she will never, ever, ever speak with Sarah again.