Post # 1
Hello, I’m new to these boards and really need some advice.
I have known for a few weeks that my partner is set to propose in about 3 weeks time and he’s been planning it for months. Unfortately someone let slip and I know. Anyway, I have just heard that my sister has got engaged to her partner this morning and I’m gutted (but still really pleased for her). I think there’s a very good chance that my partner will now put off proposing until they are at least married (about a year or so) or if he doesn’t and still does propose then I really don’t want to upset my sister.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years and my sister and her partner 8 years so it’s a similar amount of time and kind of expected from either of us. I just don’t want my sister to think we’re stealing her thunder, especially considering her partner proposed as a ‘spur of the moment’ and mine’s been planning it for months and a lot of people know (friends rather than family) what he’s going to do.
I was just wondering really that if he does go ahead with it whether people thought it was disrespectful. We wouldn’t be planning at getting married anywhere near their date.
There is one thing missing from this story – I’m really really close to my Mum and so is my partner and she’s really not very well (she’s got a terminal illness) and I really want her to see my partner and I get married before she passes. My sister and my Mum don’t talk and haven’t seen each other in years so she’s not worried about that.
Post # 3
anon2017 : just talk to your sister. First congratulate her again, assuming you already have. And then in your next convo, tell her that you suspect your SO will be asking you soon as he’s been planning it for a while and you just wanted to give her a heads up.
Dont act like it’s a big deal, because it really isn’t. Be respectful and thoughtful, but don’t cede an entire year to your sister, that’s ridiculous.
Post # 4
anon2017 : Honey I’m sorry you’re mom isn’t well (((hugs)))
until I joined weddingbee I never heard so much about thunder stealing in my life! (except on Friends when Monica and Chandler got engaged) This is utter nonsense. One of my best friends and I unknowingly (until after the fact) got engaged on the same day. We were so happy and excited for each other that if anything it added to the whole specialness of the time. Be happy for your sister but don’t put your own life on hold.
Post # 5
anon2017 : Never put your life on hold because of other people. Your sister’s engagement has nothing to do with yours. Her wedding has nothing to do with yours. You can be happy for each other, while also enjoying your own moment. No thunder stealing. Get engaged in 3 weeks, as planned.
And so sorry to hear about your mother – you and your sister should both be able to get married and have your mom there. xoxo
Post # 6
I’m glad you’re happy for your sister, and I’m sure she’ll be happy for you. Once your partner proposes, perhaps you and your sister can go out for coffee/drinks to celebrate together, and maybe discuss timelines. Maybe she wants a longer engagement or a quick elopment. You’ll never know until you talk to her. Don’t try to make your weddings a competition, be gracious and happy for her, and everything will be fine.
Post # 7
Are you even close to your sister? The fact that you say you ‘heard’ she got engaged seems strange.
Its several weeks apart so I don’t see the big deal and waiting until after her wedding seems ridiculous.
Post # 8
Honestly bee I think your SO should go ahead with his proposal as planned. It’s really nice that you are considerate of your sister but waiting till after they’re married is crazy!
Post # 9
There is enough happiness to go around.
Post # 10
I’ve never really understood this. What does their relationship have to do with yours? I’ll answer that question. It has literally nothing to do with yours. So get engaged, get married, pop some kids out. Live your life and stop worrying about other people! It’s really a simple concept if you think about it
Post # 11
this is not a zero-sum game. Be happy together.
Post # 12
anon2017 : Are you kidding? Why would you put your engagement on hold? Life does not work that way. Your boyfriend can still propose.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
My DH proposed early last year. My sister and her FI were in the process of buying a house at the time, but we all knew they were planning to get engaged soon as well. He proposed near the end of the year. We were both equally happy for each other, and I didn’t feel like they were stealing our thunder. I think that would be an odd reaction on your sister’s part; you should both be happy for each other. If you’re nervous about it, talk to your sister and see how she responds.
Post # 14
anon2017 : That makes absolute zero sense. Don’t put your life on hold to space out life events with other people. It’s not like you’re getting married on the afternoon of her morning weddingS
Also, I don’t think talking to your sister about this is even necessary. First, what if your boyfriend doesn’t even propose any time soon? Second, what if your sister, for some ridiculous reason, does get upset and forbid you from getting engaged—will you listen to her?
For what it’s worth, even if let’s say in some bizarro world you HAD to arbitrarily space out engagements between all the sisters/female cousins/friends/coworkers in your life, well your boyfriend was the one who had been planning for a while which your family knew of. If anything, your sister’s boyfriend’s sudden proposal would have been the one that came out of nowhere and would have been considered “rude.”
Stop worrying and putting so much importance into this. In fact, it would be rude of other people to tell you to wait over something so ridiculous.
Post # 15
I also unknowingly had a friend get engaged the same day as me. It didn’t have a negative effect on either of us.
Three weeks is also a fairly long gap. He definitely shouldn’t put it off.