Post # 1
There have been a lot of issues with my sister and it is really starting to wear on me. She has always enjoyed drinking and many times has taken it too far. Well, about two months ago we found out the drinking has progressed to drugs (heroin and who knows what else). Nobody saw this coming. She is a very educated smart, wonderful person. She just received her masters degree and is a dietician.
She seemed to be doing a little better and wanting to change but now apparently is right back to where she was a few months ago. She has lost most of her friends that she had since she was a kid and associates with these low lifes who have no jobs and do nothing with their lives. I think she has lost her job but don’t know since I can’t talk to her. She disappears at times and nobody knows where she is.
She was supposed to be my maid of honor. I just don’t know what to do now. The person she is now isn’t the person I asked to be in the wedding. At this point I don’t even know if she will be able to come to the wedding at all. She seems to have no interest anymore in planning with me or looking at the dresses. All she wants to do is associate with this other group of "friends" and do drugs and drink. I obviously cannot have her at the wedding if she is on drugs.
I just don’t know what to do. I never imagined not having my sister be at my wedding, especially because of her life choices. It breaks my heart to think that she might not be there. The wedding is 3 months away. I want to ask her if she even has any desire to be in the wedding and if not to let me know so I can figure out what I need to do. I don’t think I would have anybody fill that spot because my real sister is the only person I want there.
What do I do if she is not there? I know this day is still a few months away but I need to start preparing for what I will do. We are having something put on the program for our loved ones who cannot be there. Do I do that for her?
This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life but instead I find myself worrying constantly about her. I barely sleep at times worrying about what will happen to her and one day getting "the call." I try to much to be there for her but she doesn’t want it. She just doesn’t want to get help.
Please pray for her and hope she finds her way.
Post # 3
Oh my heart breaks for you. I am going through a very similar situation with my sister. I know what you are feeling – she is supposed to be my maid of honor in August and I have no idea if she will be coming. She hasn’t been communicating with my family for the past five months. I have been struggling with the question of whether or not to put someone in her place. I have a friend who is my "alternate", but she knows if my sister shows up, my friend will just take a seat. But that still leaves me wondering what to put in the program. I also don’t want to be on that day, hoping she will show up. i have no real advice for you, just know I will be praying for you and your sister. And that I’m here if you need someone who understands where you are coming from.
Post # 4
I’ll be praying for your relationship with your sister, I am so so sorry, I have two sisters, one who doesn’t always make the best choices, but nothing that bad. I hope you are able to sit with her and have a heart to heart and get her the help she needs.
Does she seem open to going to a crisis center, or any type of facility, does she wanna stop doing drugs? Can you hook her up with an intervention or something?
O this is such a stressful time, don’t need that on top of it, I’ll be praying for both of you.
Post # 5
Oh my dear, I am so sorry. It would be a terrible thing to deal with at any time, but doubly so right now. I don’t know what to advise, but I will pray for you both.
Post # 6
Sending you hugs. I went through this over and over again with my brother and you can’t help them until they want help, and it is SO hard on you and your family. I spent many a sleepless nights, too. I hope she finds her way. If you need to chat, feel free to PM me. Not sure how much help I would be, nothing seemed to work except rehab and he had to hit rock bottom a few times until he was open to the idea. But once he was open to the idea, it really worked.
Post # 7
Thank you. I am so sorry anybody else has to go through this. ejs, I am glad your brother was able to turn his life around. It is so amazingly difficult. She went through a rehab program that seemed like it was working but I think she was just faking to try to get us to leave her alone. She is clearly still doing drugs. I can tell the second I see her or talk to her when she is on something. She just doesn’t want help. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she will need to hit rock bottom – probably several times – before anything changes.
It is just so hard trying to understand why this happened. How can my parents have two completely different kids?? I am trying to tell myself whatever happens on the day of the wedding, happens. If she isn’t there it will still be the best day of my life. There is nothing I can do accept be supportive of her and tell her I am here for her when she is ready to change. I hope she is able to be there and be herself on the wedding day.
August – I hope your sister is able to make it to your wedding too. I will keep your sister in my prayers as well.
Post # 8
This is so sad, I am so sorry. One of my and my FI’s best friends was busted for dealing and doing drugs a little over a year ago- we were completely shocked, had no idea he was doing drugs at all, and this guy was honestly like family to us (ate dinner with him all the time, saw him at least once a day, the whole nine yards.) It was a very sad and hard thing, but thankfully our friend has completely turned himself around and is going to be in our wedding party.
I only hope for the best for you and your sister. As unfortunate as it is, I think you need to start preparing for her to not be there. I would not have her as your maid of honor, but I would invite her to the wedding and encourage her to come and tell her how much it would mean to you to have her there on such a special occasion.
It sounds like your sister is really taking a serious toll on you mentally. You may find it beneficial to seek out some counseling or a support group, so that you can talk to other people about what is happening and find some peace about it and refocus on your upcoming marriage.
Post # 9
I would put the wedding related issues aside with regards to her as it sounds as if she is in need of a family intervention.
There is no good time for such an event, even in the midst of your joyous occation..your wedding. But it would seem that it has to be done..when is up to you and your family.
I’m keeping you, you sister and family in prayers and sending hugs too.
" <span class=”body”><font size=”2″>Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.</font> "–my favorite quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Post # 10
We did do an intervention – that is what got her to go to rehab in the first place. So many of her friends were also involved in that. We have all changed since the intervention and have our "boundaries." She went to the rehab and we thought she was taking it seriously but she didn’t. As she keeps telling us "nobody can tell her what to do." She just doesn’t want to change now. All of her family and friends are here for her and so supportive but we won’t tolerate her drinking or doing drugs around us so she has kind of pushed us to the side for now. Hopefully one day she will realize what she is doing and get the help she really needs. She has so much potential and is just starting her life and it is so sad to see her doing this to herself.
My fiance has been so great through all of this – he has been here for us all which has made this at least a little easier. I really am lucky to have such a great guy. I feel so bad that he has been caught in the middle of all this – sleepless nights, last minute changes, etc.