Post # 1
Hey lovely folks!
So, I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor for my sister’s wedding, 2 years off. She recently had an idea for a theme, which happened to correspond to my best friend’s interests. I happened to share with the BFF “hey my sis is thinking about having this as her wedding theme!”. When my sis and BFF saw each other recently, BFF tried making convo, “Oh I hear you’re doing this for your wedding, nice!”
The minute my sis gets me alone she flips on me and tells me she doesn’t want me to talk about any details of her wedding to anyone, and only wants it to be between me her and my parents (Didn’t even mention her fiance LOL).
She mentioned that she’s afraid someone will copy her theme (?? the theme is not groundbreaking) and also mentioned her perception that everyone on earth wants to know about her fiance and therefore their wedding, since he’s from a well-to-do family in a small area. (She’s not marrying prince william, and my BFF and I don’t even live in the same city as them!)
Is she on crack? I reacted by letting her know I thought this was ridiculous and saying like fine, secret wedding. (mature i know lol! BELIEVE ME saying just that was self-control!). It is her wedding, fine, but it’s also my life if I’m investing time planning this, why can’t I share this with my own friends? People talk about weddings, what’s the big deal? It’s crazy to me.
Anyone ever go through that? Or maybe anyone that relates to her perspective and can share it with me better than she can??
Post # 3
@chillinchillin: If you read the friend stole my theme/colors threads that appear on here often you might understand why she would want to keep some things to herself. Also, you might want your guests to be surprised by your decor that you’ve worked so hard on coordinating.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, I mean its not like you told her full details like the set up and the decor you just told the theme. I would take it as a compliment if someone went with my idea “AFTER” my wedding, but hey thats just me.
Post # 5
Haha… I kinda know how she feels..
Although my theme isn’t a big secret, there are some little details I dont want any of my friends to know about since we live in a small town.. EXAMPLE: I have 3 other friends getting married this summer and they’re weddings were ALL before mine… Well at our wedding, when people want us to kiss (usually they cling there glass, where I live..) we are going to call out names of couples like “brides mom and dad” and they have to do a kiss that they want us to mimic … Its a super fun game and I stole it from one of my friends who got married like 4 years ago… I didnt want any of the other girls to know I was doing this because were having like the same people at both our weddings.. Well my Fiance told one of his engaged guy friends about my idea and they used it at there wedding in June.. Oh well what can I do about it! Soooo.. if there were going to be the same people at both the wedding I understand what she means.. She wants her day to be unique and special and not look like an exact replica of someone elses wedding.
Post # 6
@chillinchillin: Your sister probably could have approached it differently, but honestly I can understand her perspective. Since putting together a wedding is SO much work, and for a lot of people incredibly personal, I can understand why she might want to keep things under wraps until the big day. Even if she’s not worried about anyone stealing her theme, maybe she also just wants people to have a full experience when they attend her wedding, and if they already know about all the little personal details and touches, it might take away from all her hard work.
There’s also the possibility that she’s trying to avoid having to talk about wedding details with every. single. person. she. encounters. I get it, it’s so exhausting, and can make you tired of your own ideas, haha! Maybe she just wants things to be fresh and fun and exciting!
Post # 7
Your sister is funny and sounds very uptight. I agree it isn’t like she is a princess that EVERYONE is just dying to find out ever detail so they can copy. Also, isn’t copying a huge form of flattery. I would just tell people you trust very few details and explain your sister wants the wedding to be a surprise.
Post # 8
I can understand where your sister is coming from. We had to stop giving details about our wedding to friends and family because everyone came out of the woodwork with unsolicited advice and opinions on everything. It became extremely frustrating and stressful to have people telling us what we should and shouldn’t do, what would and wouldn’t look nice, etc. We want a wedding that’s a reflection of us, not a reflection of everyone else’s opinions!
Post # 9
I get where she’s coming from, but writing it out does sound ridiculous.
Post # 10
i hear what you all are saying, and thanks for the helpful advice! I’m sure her mind is fast forwarding to all those scenarios you mentioned, meanwhile all I’m thinking about is how my best friend isn’t going to do anything with the knowledge of one possible theme except use it to try to make convo w a girl she hasn’t seen in prbly 5 yrs! haha (My BFF won’t be invited to my sis’s wedding, and would sooner abandon any idea if she heard someone else had it than copy it, or gossip it to anyone else. She’s pretty tightlipped, and only starting less than a yr ago could she even get married in our state soo… but my sis obv isn’t thinking about any of that and is only thinking about her own deal..so much so that she didn’t even mention her fiance as being allowed to know about the wedding LOL)
i’m guessing this is the first of many threads of my sister’s wedding LOL..gonna be a long 2 yrs!
hey you know and what’s funny, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and i have been together for 5 yrs and have decided/realized long ago we’ll be getting married, and have been casually shopping rings w/ no hurry, and she knows this. i told her what colors we thought would be cool for our wedding, and then later she said she wants to use the same/very very similar palatte. you know what i said? I don’t care what colors you use, you can chose any ones you want, and i don’t care if we have identical colors for our weddings it won’t matter. everybody’s different i guess!
i can roll w the punches, but it’s nice to have an outlet, so thanks all! the solution to this is going to be me telling my best friend what happened and saying k so don’t mention her wedding when you see her, and going on telling my close friends anything i want as usual. tadaa problem solved. (lol)
Post # 11
I stopped telling anyone except my Fiance about wedding details because a girl I know whom is also getting married kept taking my ideas. So now everything is pretty much top secret.