(Closed) Sister's not-even-real-yet pregnancy threatening my wedding – thoughts?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t change my plans for a sister’s possible baby! Seriously, though. My sister has been married twice now, and I was not able to attend either “wedding” (both very small, one was a courthouse), and she doesnt hold it against me. She’s in Texas, I’m in Florida, so not really that far either, but life got in the way. 

Get married. If your sister can attend, great. If she gets pregnant and can’t be there, sorry, but you need to live your life on your schedule, not hers. 

Post # 62
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

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samira86:  If I were in your shoes, my priority would be to move my location so that my sibling would be able to attend my wedding and that I would be able to afford to have my wedding sooner, within the next 6 months, so that I could start trying to conceive sooner. You don’t need to get married in NYC (the most expensive place in the USA) in order to have a nice wedding. So many people from NYC are plan weddings in cheaper states so that they can have a nicer wedding within their budget. All of my friends are doing it this way.

The fact that you’re 37.5 and want multiple kids means that you need to get a move on trying to conceive as soon as possible. Is your Fiance on board with having kids soon? What is the hold up? Is he unsure whether he wants children? How much younger than you is he?

Personally, I wouldn’t want to wait almost a whole year before starting to try to conceive if I were you. I would want to start TTC ASAP. No one knows what the future holds or how long it may take them to conceive, but it has been documented that the older the woman is the longer time it takes to conceive and the more likely it is that she will need medical intervention to get pregnant (on average). A woman’s fertility declines more rapidly and the chance of choromosomal abnormalities increases faster after she hits 40. Many women give birth in their mid-to-late 30s, but given that you are almost 38 right now, I would personally prioritize trying to get pregnant, because the clock is the only thing you can’t turn back. Look up the effects of age on fertility.

You can still have a dream wedding and move the date up so it’s within the next 6 months, but if it came down to it, for me, having a child would be more important than having a dream wedding.

Post # 63
Member
10496 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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serotonin:  

Oh yes 1000%. Don’t wait a year to start TTC at over 37. For any reason.  Far easier to get married earlier and maybe somewhere cheaper  too,  unless is has to be NYC.

Post # 64
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

Agree with other posters.  I would be REALLY sure the fiance wants kids, and I would start trying ASAP. 

I would not wait till the fall for that wedding. You might regret that. 

Post # 65
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Plan the wedding you want that works for you.  I have more friends than not that it has taken YEARS for them to either have gotten pregnant or they’re still trying (all in their 20’s too), so I would NOT consider your sister’s TTC plans in your wedding dream plans. 

 

Best wishes!!

Post # 66
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

Aww…I feel for you…you are kind of in a no win…also, depending on the timing – if your sister has a baby around your wedding, not only won’t she be there, but the baby will kind of steal your thunder…

As someone who never wanted a formal wedding, I can’t really relate, but I would advise you to either accept that you will do what you need to do for yourself and your sister will do the same, or speed up your wedding to the spring/summer…it might not be “ideal”, but I am sure it can be wonderful!

Congrats on the engagement!! 🙂

Post # 67
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

What if your sister doesn’t get pregnant? Each month it’s actually far more likely that she won’t than will (I’m not sure why you think she likely will So quickly?).

just do what makes sense for you. I’m glad your mom understands. Neither you nor your sister should have to make plans based on what the other feels is right for her life.

Post # 68
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

Btw – I can sympathize with your timeline and wants. I just got married (August) at 37 and am now 10 weeks pregnant. I wanted a wedding. I also wanted to be married before TTC, despite my age. good luck! 🙂

Post # 69
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016

View original reply
samira86:  My Future Sister-In-Law took her 12 week old baby to Italy for a wedding so that they didn’t have to miss it – travelling is definitely possible, albeit not the easiest thing in the world. Plus, given that only 30% of people trying for a baby get pregnant within the first three months of trying and only 75% in the first year you may well be worrying prematurely. 

Post # 70
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

She could still travel by land right? like train or car maybe? Such a stressful situation. hope it all works out xx

 

Post # 71
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Just make plans! She might get pregnant in the next couple of months, or it could take a while – are you going to keep pushing your wedding back further and further until she gets pregnant? It will suck if she absolutely can’t make it because she’s 40 weeks or has a 1 week old, but you can’t make your life revolve around a hypothetical baby. 

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