@ClaireV: Aw man. You’re in a tough spot, and your feelings are definitely natural. Maybe some people just have a thicker skin than I do, but I would most certainly be upset in your situation. In fact, I was in one quite similar! My twin brother got engaged a couple of months after we did (way unexpectedly!), and despite my best efforts, there were definitely times where the juxtaposition of having two weddings at once really got to me for various reasons. Our was first, but they set their date first.
The big upsides of 2 weddings in one year were that I got way closer to my SIL because we were going through similar things in similar time periods, I got to see my family and friends A LOT over the summer between our weddings, and our family had an overabundance of love and joy this year! All good things.
The real question here isn’t whether your feelings are valid, because you can’t really help how you feel about something as personal as your siblings and your wedding. The question is, how do you process those feelings in a way that keeps the peace and helps you get through the stressful planning process while keeping your focus on the right place?
It seems to me you have two options here: (1) change plans, make your feelings known, and almost certainly cause heartache for your sister, your parents, and most of all YOU or (2) find a way to let it go.
I think number 2 is your clear choice here. Give yourself some time with your Fiance to be upset about this, and then set a deadline to just let. it. go. Maybe find a trusted friend that you can vent to, but try as hard as you can not to express your frustration to your parents or sister. At the end of the day, no matter how valid your feelings are, the story five years from now could end up being “ClaireV was super jealous and made wedding planning difficult for both!!!” rather than what’s really happening here.
Not to be cheesy, but try to count your blessings. You are marrying the love of your life and starting a brand new chapter together. That’s really what matters. Both weddings will be great. My brother and I had really similar venues, an identical guest list on my parents’ side, similar DRESSES, similar food, etc. and they still ended up being so different.
Finally, for what it’s worth, going second could be a really good thing. Many unanticipated things went wrong at my wedding that really stressed me out. At my brother’s wedding, I was able to be “super bridesmaid” and anticipate those things to prevent them from happening again. His wife had a relaxing day and wasn’t not away of most of the problems that cropped up because I was able to run interference… I think learning from our experiences with my wedding contributed to that. My mom was less of a nutjob, our family all knew the drill. Things like that.
Sorry for the novel, but try to look on the bright side. 🙂 Letting this fester hurts you waaaaay more than it hurts your sister.
And don’t let negative comments on WB get ya down.. things will be okay!