Sisters wedding

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you continue to do the extra things?

    No

    Yes

  • Post # 32
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

    View original reply
    agio0429 :  

    like I said though you need to do what you need to do for you.. and you sound super hurt and used so I say don’t do anything more. look after yourself first. it’s not selfish 

    but try not to dwell on it 🙂

    I read more posts and you said parents are on your side too so I’m glad you are getting support xxx 🙂 

    Post # 33
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    How is your mom not completely lost her shit over this? Lol…

    Post # 34
    Member
    13649 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    agio0429 : It gets even worse that you were volunteered to help with the shower. 

    Actually, if you want to talk traditional etiquette, family members do not properly host a shower. And while it’s common, a bridal party is under no obligation to, either. Any friend, group of friends or friend of the family can volunteer to host. It is a nice thing to offer, but it’s optional and voluntary. That said,  more “modern” etiquette is OK with family hosting.

    So if she tries to guilt you, just turn it around on her in the name of “tradition.”

    Post # 35
    Member
    2033 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    This is bullshit. I have a sister. She was always, ALWAYS automatically going to be my maid of honour. I was hers. The only way she wouldn’t have been is if she did something terrible or was in jail or couldn’t make the wedding. If I had two sisters, they would have been co-maids of honour. I don’t buy it. She left out one person. It’s complete crap. I would attend the wedding of course, attend events if you feel like it, but don’t do any of the things the other two bridesmaids are going to be doing. Let them handle it.

    Also, when are we going to GET OVER the “I don’t want uneven sides!” thing? WTF. Who cares. Have six women and one guy. My sister had three attendants and her husband had one. It literally does not matter

    Look, 12 groomsmen. TWELVE. And four bridesmaids. It looks perfect and wonderful. Know why? Because the bride and groom asked those who meant the most to them to stand beside them, rather than relying on the outdated notion that both sides should be equal and perhaps one person would have to cut or add an attendant. 

    Image result for uneven wedding party

    Post # 38
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee

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    agio0429 :  Bee, that really stinks.  I do not think you are being overly sensative at all.  I had to cut close friends from my wedding party to include my sister and my husband’s sister.  (I had never even met his sister before the wedding as she lives in India, but she’s family.)  I think you can respectfully bow out of wedding planning.  It sounds like your feelings are very hurt, and planning these events will be rubbing salt in the wounds. 

    My personal feeling is that you should invite everyone in a particular circle.   We included sisters and long time best friends.  We didn’t have to choose a few individuals from very close friends which would show favoritism, and increased hurt feelings.  Originally, I was going to have 4 attendants to my husband’s two.  However, he wanted his sister to stand up next to him, so she ended up standing on his side.

    Just remember, wedding planning makes even sane, thoughtful people a little crazy.  If your sister is prone to drama and selfishness, the wedding planning process will make that worse.  It might be better for your relationship to step back during this process.  Try to forgive and forget when this process is over.  In the meantime, give yourself a little breathing room.  I’m glad to hear that your parents are very supportive of you.  My mother would have skinned me alive if I had not included my sister and my hubby’s sis.

    Post # 39
    Member
    7160 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    agio0429 :  OP I would definitely be hurt and I would also be pretty offended at her disrespect. Who drops a bridesmaid by text? She’s just a little too comfortable dismissing you and that wouldn’t sit right with me. I would use whatever compassion/patience I had for her to find a way to be really honest with her rather than to force myself to continue to work on her bridal shower. Especially since even your parents are saying to move on!

    I think I would reply with something along the lines of “Hey [Sister], I’m sad not to be a part of your wedding party because I was hoping it would be something that might bring us closer together. I’m disappointed that it seems like there will always be distance between us, despite being sisters. That’s kind of a bummer, especially since we come from such a close knit family.  I’d always hoped that as you got older we might be able to find some common ground. That said, planning your shower is a task for your bridal party so I won’t be continuing with that. I look forward to seeing you at the wedding (or the next family gathering) and I hope your engagement time is sweet.”

    And then I would mentally put her in a “distant relative” or “acquaintance” box and treat her as such. See her at events and even invite her to family gatherings but accept that she’s not someone I’m close to or working on building a relationship with.

    You should DEFINITELY focus on putting energy into relationships that are reciprocal rather than trying to make this one happen just because you are related by blood.

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