(Closed) Sister's wedding-going to happen or not? VENT

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

are your parents aware of your sister’s social life?  do they still want to contribute financially to that?

i think it’s rude of them to expect your parents to contribute just because his parents are.

Post # 5
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yikes.  I remember your other post.  This sucks.  I don’t see the point of having a “wedding” if they’re not actually getting married.  And 15,000 is a lot for just a party.  This would bug me too because I take my marriage and its commitment very seriously.  It sounds to me like they just want to get new stuff or something.  The disability thing irks me too because I qualify, but I don’t use it because I can work and I don’t need the money.  I would just try to stay away from them as much as possible since they seem like a bundle of drama.  I don’t have a problem with their choice of lifestyle either, but I do have a problem with their selfish behavior to their family.

Post # 7
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This is nutty and I totally agree the whole thing is being handled the wrong way.  Why keep thier lifestyle a secret from the parents?  If this was what I was all about it would be open with it at least to my parents.

I’d feel like I was cheating them out of money or something otherwise.

Post # 8
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

tough situation to be in!

i would try to stay out of it as much as you can (easier said than done i know) until your sister and Fiance actually speak to your parents about contributing.

i suppose the only thing which you can do at the minute is just be there for your parents, which im sure you are anyway.

understand where you’re coming from on the 15k party, especially if they arent willing to pay for it themselves.

Post # 9
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your sister’s lifestyle has nothing to do with this… BDSM, polyamory, whatev. That’s HER BUSINESS and whether or not you have issues with it is irrelevant. She and her Fiance are adults, and they can get their freak on with whom and in whatever style they find most titillating. Also, if they are not legally married (and make the choice not to marry specifically because of benefit eligibility) then your sister isn’t defrauding anyone. I get that you’re upset by the difficulties her wedding plans are causing your parents, but you’re coming across very judgy. These things have nothing to do you.

And now your sister and her Fiance want a commitment ceremony without a legal marriage because then she would be ineligible for disability, and they want her parents and your parents to each contribute 1/3rd of their 15K budget. This is up to your parents. Personally (if I were your parents) and someone started planning how much I was going to give them for their wedding/commitment ceremony/dog obedience graduation without even consulting me, I’d be like, “Haha. No.” But this isn’t *your* decision to make, either. It’s up to your parents whether they tell your sister no. 

It sounds to me like part of the problem is you feel like your parents are contributing  (or going to contribute) to your sister’s wedding while you and your Fiance are doing yours on your own. This *is* a completely valid feeling, and I think it would be okay to express that to your parents.  (Without bringing in your judgements on your sister’s lifestyle and choices.)

Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Poly and open relationships are more “normal” than you think. And BDSM… jesh. That’s super normal and getting to be more and more mainstream. It’s her and her husband’s choice on how they conduct their marriage and sex life. I say to butt out. Do not judge her on things you do not understand. And dont project your emotions on to the Fiance or your parents. 

As for the money aspect, this is your parent’s fight. If they cant pay, they cant pay. Like you said, it has nothing to do with you. So, be supportive of your parents and show them how appreciative you are of their help for your wedding. 

Post # 13
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@smcs28:  I read your other post. I don’t have too many encouraging words, because I don’t know much about it and I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth and offend anyone…but….she seems kind of all over the place. Does she like to passive aggressively be the center of attention? I have a few women in my family that like to shift the focus off of a good time onto something shocking/miserable/about them. 


Post # 15
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@smcs28:  Sexual preferences/government frauding aside, she just sounds mean. And maybe jealous? Was there some sibling rivalry growing up? I’d just ignore her. It sounds like you have your life together and she is struggling.

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