Post # 1
This is a best case/hypothetical situation that I am contemplating – and I need help! I am a planner… which means I over think everything. 🙂
My (only/younger) Sister is getting married in September 2013 and I am her Maid/Matron of Honor. She was my Maid/Matron of Honor last year, and we have a fantastic relationship. My husband and I and her and her fiancé live in Colorado – the rest of our family is out of state/country. Thus, ALL of her guests (our family) will be coming to CO for her wedding. My husband and I want to begin trying to conceive next year but I want to give her wedding/shower/bachelorette party as much dedication and attention as she gave mine.
We really don’t want to wait until after her wedding in case it takes longer than expected. On the same hand, I don’t want to “steal her thunder”. She will be BEYOND excited for us… I just don’t know how best to move forward. 🙁 Again, best case – we’d love to announce our (hypothetical) pregnancy the day after their wedding, when all of our family is still in town. I would never dream of doing such a thing before or at her wedding, but it is so rare that we are all together that I wouldn’t want to miss a beautiful opportunity with our family.
Anyone been in a similar situation? I’m already over thinking this, but I was curious as to how other ladies have handled this type of thing. xo
Post # 3
I know a lot of women who have been pregnant and in weddings at the same time. I’m sure your sister will be so happy for you if you end up being pregnant on her wedding day, that’s her little niece or nephew!
I don’t get this whole thunder stealing thing… she is the bride!! Of course people will be happy for you and asking about the pregnancy and baby but at the end of the day, it’s her wedding and she will be the one in the big white dress and all eyes will be on her.
Side note – my mom has two sisters and on her youngest sisters wedding, both my mom and my other aunt were pregnant and it still didn’t take the limelight away from my aunt on her big day.
Post # 4
I agree with PP that you wouldn’t be stealing her thunder if you were pregnant before her wedding. However, if you are really worried about it, you could consider talking to your sister about it. If you told her you are thinking of TTC soon, and she reacts favourably (I’m guessing she would… the prospect of little neices and nephews is always exciting) then you can put your mind at ease. I know not everyone likes to share the news that they are trying, but it sounds like you two are very close, so if you think she can keep it secret, that might be a good way to go.
For the record though I think it’s very thoughtful that you are concerned and that you want to be there for your sister leading up to, and on, her big day!
Post # 5
You can be pregnant and still be a good Maid/Matron of Honor – I’ve seen it happen. I wouldn’t put your plans on hold for your sister’s wedding.
However, I would be iffy about announcing it the day after the wedding. If there is a brunch or gift opening or something the next day, the focus will, and probably should, be still on the wedding/new couple. I understand why you’d want to announce the pregnancy then, but it seems a bit tacky to me. But if there’s nothing specific or wedding related going on, it’d probably be ok.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t put things on hold for her wedding. There’s no worry about stealing thunder, there’s happiness and attention enough to go around. I wrote a similar post 2.5 years ago but in context of a Destination Wedding for my husband’s sister… and JUST got pregnant now, so who even knows if it’ll be an issue. It’s just one of those things that you kind of have to relinquish control a bit…
If you want to be courteous, and don’t want to be massively pregnant AT her wedding, wait like 3-4 months. Then you’ll be in your first or second trimester, and you shouldn’t be completely tired and uncomfortable.
Post # 7
I don’t think anyone should have to plan their life aroudn someone elses wedding ubt it is certainly nice of you to be thoguhtful about it. YOu can be pregnant and still be a good Maid/Matron of Honor. I’d try and make sure that you aren’t actively tryiing to get pregnant at a time when you would be giving birth near her wedding.
That being said, and as someone with a sister who is trying to get pregnant before my wedding, I’d rather have you announce yoiur pregnancy before my wedding than the day after! At least for us, we are having a send-off brunch the next day and although I’d be super excited to hear my sister was pregnant, it just seems kind of stealing the thunder a bit, which I know isn’t your intention.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I wouldn’t adjust your TTC plans too much to accommodate her wedding because you can certainly be an amazing Maid/Matron of Honor while pregnant, but I would wait until maybe March to start trying so that you don’t run the risk of being huge or going into labor around ehr wedding date. You could wait until June if you want to be able to probably wear a normal dress insted of a maternity style. You should always remember that you could get pregnant the first cycle.
Post # 9
Thank you all so much for your encouraging words! Being the eternal pescimist I am a little worried about the time it will actually take to conceive. I would also love to surprise everyone at once (including my Sis) because I know that it will come as a complete surprise and my Sis will probably give the best reaction. 🙂
I suggested an announcement the day after (her wedding) based on my own wedding experience. My Sis and I are very similar/laid back and I know she’s not planning a fancy brunch/gift opening the day after – just family hanging around together (aka recovering from the night before). 🙂 NO tackiness intended.
Post # 10
Any additional comments/suggestions/similar experiences are welcome (please)! 🙂
Post # 11
@rckymtnwifexo: My sister got married when she was 7 months pregnant and said it was hell. She was hot and heavy and her legs were swollen. So consider that if you were pregnant at her wedding the first trimester you could be very sick (nausea/headaches/dizzyness/tiredness, i’ve seen pregnant women fall asleep everywhere! literally uncapable of keeping their eyes open) I hope not but many women don’t feel well. The second trimester is hard because your body changes very quickly, I had a friend who’s bump magically appeared in a week, she became huge all of a sudden! So that can make it really difficult with the dress. and the third trimester your often very uncomfortable (as my sister was at her own wedding).
So i don’t think your sister would have a problem with you being pregnant but maybe it would take away from the experience for you. Pregnancy can be very uncomfortable!
Not to mention the fact that (hopefully it won’t happen, but you never know) you may have some problems or complications and be put to bed rest, or told to take it easy or something similar.
So i’d think about it carefully because you could be feeling great, but (worst case scenario) you may have to rest and not be able to attend at all or not enjoy the event as you wished.
So just consider all the possible scenarios before TTC and also speak to your sister openly. You never know how she will react. I’m sure she would be delighted about becoming an aunt but people can surprise you sometimes and it might upset her if for example you are shattered and can’t go out partying at her hen-do, or feel sick the morning of the wedding. So maybe better to speak to her before.
Post # 12
My sister is my only bridesmaid and she will be hugely pregnant with her second child and that’s totally fine with me. I love her and want her there so pregnant or not shes gonna be in it. I just have to be careful with dress choice so she’s comfortable if your really worried though do what pp have stated and talk to her I think she will fine with it if you to are really that close.
Post # 13
@rckymtnwifexo: Being pregnant probably won’t take away from your Maid/Matron of Honor duties, and if you’re in a situation where it does then you probably have bigger, most likely health related, concerns.
That said, you DO NOT get to steal your sister’s thunder by announcing your pregnancy the day after her wedding. That’s selfish. You also don’t get to justify it by saying ‘oh but all of our family will be together’ yeah, for your sis’s wedding! I know you say that you’re both quite layed back but give her at least a week! Surely you can call/skype family members amd tell them?