(Closed) Sisters who are much older

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You can have them do readings for the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m in exactly the same situation. I’ve got 3 older brothers who were all nearly 20 when I was born. Even more ironic… turns out my oldest niece is only ONE DAY older than Future Sister-In-Law. I was 9 when she was born. All 3 of my nieces are in my wedding party & my brothers are not.

We’re getting married in a catholic mass so my brothers will be bringing up the gifts. I’ll also probably be getting them each a boutonniere. I’ve left it up to them to decide if they want to wear a tuxedo or not. I know 1 of my brothers def. will and the other 2 def. will not – I told them to decide as long as they’re all uniform. I don’t want one brother in a tux because he’ll appear more important than the others & that’s not the case.

Can you have your sisters do a reading or be involved in the ceremony somehow?

Post # 5
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think it’s bad taste. You are obviously closer with your neices than you are your sisters. That’s okay.

If you want to include them in something, readings are a great option. Or, have them escort your parents down the aisle or pass out programs as ushers. No one says you have to have guys as the ushers. I wouldn’t worry about it. If you are close with them, but closer with their children, I think they understand why you picked who you picked.

I was going to ask one of my cousins to stand up in my wedding (she’s 20 years older than me) and she actually mentioned that she would rather not, since she’s pushing 50, and felt that it’s more of a young woman’s thing. Maybe your sisters feel the same way. Not that they don’t want to be there for you, but they might be happy you picked their kids to be in the wedding. In that way, they can participate with their children without having all the responsibilities.

Post # 6
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

hubs and i have sisters that are 10+ years older than us.  we invited them but did not make them part of the bridal party.  later, i found out they were hurt though.

Post # 7
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am in the exact same situation- younger sister is 4 year younger and is Maid/Matron of Honor, 2 older half-sisters almost 20 years diff. are not in bridal party. I will be having them/their husbands read blessings during the ceremony. I just cannot trouble them with the “tasks” involved in being BM’s and it’s a little weird with the age difference with my friends. So this is a compromise and everyone seems happy with it.

Post # 8
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ask them how they want to be included.  Just ask for their suggestions, they might feel weird being too involved since you didn’t grow up together and are older than your friends, or they might be really hurt if they’re not included.  They have the wisdom of their years, they might have some great ideas! 

Post # 9
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in the same boat – my Maid/Matron of Honor is my niece who is a year older than me.  My mom passed away 10 years ago so I asked my older sisters (who are 15&20 years older) if they would provide the motherly support for me.  I think they are honored to be there for me in that way and it is really nice to have them there since my mom won’t be.

Post # 10
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think its in bad taste. I am many years older than my brothers (who are currently still young), but when they’re old enough to get married, I don’t think I’ll be upset if they don’t want me to be in their weddings. As long as they know you love them and really value the fact that they’ll be there or you, they’ll probably be fine.

Post # 11
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am the older sibbling (by 19 and 20 years) and honestly I would be VERY offended if my siblings did not include me in some way. I think it really depends on your relationship to them, but in my case I am close with all four of them, and the age doesn’t mean that I am less of a sister to them. In my case my brothers are still only 2 and 3, but I am there for all the important things and really make an effort to have a strong relationship with them. I live an hour away, and just because they are growing up with me not physically in the house every day doesn’t mean that that relationship is any less or any different.

 

But if you weren’t raised as close, or haven’t been close for whatever reason, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… I would honestly just ask them how they would feel.

Maybe you could have your sisters do something like walk you down the isle with your dad, or who ever else is doing it. Or have them walk you the first half and meet your dad for the other half? Or even leaving the wedding to the ceremony?

 

 

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Who are your other bridesmaids besides the youngest sister?  I think this is somewhat of a tricky area, and depends a lot on what your relationship looks like. For instance, I am 10 years older than my half-sister, and she chose to have the rest of her sisters and brothers in the wedding party…in this case, I was the only sibling NOT asked to be in the wedding party. And no, we aren’t super close as I was adopted as a child and not rasied with her, but I won’t say that it wasn’t hurtful. For instance, she chose to have college aqcuaintances in her wedding as opposed to me, in order to keep her wedding party all around the same age – ouch. I suppose it’s a plus that the 2 older siblngs have each other so wouldn’t hopefully feel left out, I would just carefully evaluate the situation. You probably already know if they would or wouldn’t be hurt – go with your gut.

Post # 13
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My sister is 17 years older than me.  When I got married, I was 22 and she was 39.  I remember asking my mom if she thought my sister would want to be in the wedding party or should she feel silly about it about it.  My mother seemed really surprised that I would even ask such a question.  Her opinion was (and she was right) that my sister would assume she would be in it because she was my only sister..and she’d be hurt if she were left out. 

I am very glad now that I did ask her, because while I am still in touch with, but not really close anymore with some of my college friends that were in my wedding party, she is still my sister…and there were no hurt feelings.

Post # 14
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Maybe you could have your sister walk your mom down the aisle (assuming that your dad is walking you down)?

Also, we were super untraditional, and had “special guests” in our wedding party. My Aunt and Uncle are like second parents to me, but because of their age, they didn’t want to be GM/BM, so we included them in the wedding party, and they walked down the aisle (I gave my aunt a small bouquet, and my uncle a bout), but they were seated in the front row with the parents during the ceremony. Maybe your sisters could be special guests, and walk down together (not arm and arm, obvs), with small bouquets? You could ask them to pick any dress in a certain color that’s different from the BMs, but “goes.”

Readings are also a good way to go, but we weren’t feelin’ having any readings at our ceremony, so that’s why we did what we did.

Post # 15
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sure they’ll have enough to do just getting their kids wrangled. I also invited my little sister to be in my party (5 years younger) and my older sister is going to be a reader (she’s 5 years older). So not quite the same situation. You could always ask them if they want to be more involved or not.

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