- 5 years ago
I actually cant really even believe im on this site and writing this post, and Im not even engaged yet….But i need some anonymous help, advice, words of wisdom…anything!
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, we have been living together for 1 year come this April, I am 24 years old, and so his he. We both have good and stable jobs, and money is OK. I mean we are young, paying off student debts, but we are making it by. I love my boyfriend, and I do feel as though he is the one for me, I have always in some way felt that. We started dating when we were 18, and have definitely had some rocky times over the years, but we always came out stronger and wanting to make things better.
We talk about marriage loosely, I try not to bring it up to often, bec the last thing I want to do is pressure him into proposing. I’m really trying to let him do it on his time. But it’s hard, im such a driven person very goal orientated, I feel like if i was the guy in this situation I would be saving everywhere i could just to get a ring. And i definitely dont think hes doing that. He says that he doesn’t have the money, and we don’t have the money to get married. Which is true, but the way I see it is the money is a poor excuse, I don’t need a princess wedding or a huge rock, I just want to be committed to him, I want to be a wife, and a mother. I feel like im auditioning to be a wife, cooking dinner, cleaning, making lunches, all that fun stuff, and sometimes I feel like he gets a free ride out of all this.
The problem is that hes lazy, he even admits it. He dosnt apply to better jobs, even though he wants one. He will talk of all these expensive electronics he wants to buy. I have flat out told him that if he came home with a new computer, or the newest xbox, I would leave him. I dont know if that’s fair for me to say, but its the truth. I wont be prioritized over an electronic, when im over here busting my butt. I dont see him saving money, or making an effort at all to move our relationship to the next level. When we talk of it its always the same story: he doesn’t want me to ask, hes wants it to be a surprise, and of course he dosnt have the money.
Honestly i thought once we moved in together he would want to lock me down, and i expected it to happen and am disappointed that it hasn’t yet, and I don’t feel like we are any closer to it than a year ago. I find myself coming to resent him, for seeming to not want it as bad as me. And the feminist inside of me is screaming to not wait for him, that if he wanted it as bad as I did than he would do it, instead of finding an excuse not to.
I love my boyfriend, and he loves me. He’s my first, and I am his. I know I called him lazy, and that’s the worst of his qualities. He’s a great guy, really patient with me, he cares for me, my family loves him. It’s just this one thing. Am i crazy for not wanting to wait around? Is it wrong for me to think of ending the relationship, because im ready and he isn’t? is it wrong for me to think that if he wanted to do it, he would? I would love to think hes saving for a ring, but it seems like hes waiting for the money to fall into his lap.
Please feel free to tell me im crazy, and selfish. Maybe I need to hear it 🙂