(Closed) Situation with friend (getting married a week after me)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

What a drama queen. Don’t change your plans for her, she’s clearly just attention-seeking and being manipulative. She can do whatever she wants to with her wedding; don’t compromise on yours just to appease someone who’s obviously overreacting.

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s really your choice, but if you’re feeling like this now… then there is a good chance you’ll be even less impressed with her as time goes on… so I say don’t change your honeymoon unless you *want* to be at the wedding. If she changes her date for you to go, then you go.

But it doesn’t sound like you even *want* to go…

Post # 5
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Go on your honeymoon, send her a nice gift and card and be done with it.  She (and this drama)sounds ridiculous.

Post # 6
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Wow…I really have no idea. I think I would weigh whether or not I wanted this person in my life. It sounds like you’re leaning towards not. I think if it were me, I may change my honeymoon date (mainly because having a honeymoon right after the wedding isn’t important to me), but start to distance myself from her afterwards.

I know that is kind of a passive aggressive way to do it, but considering how dramatic she is, I wouldn’t want to deal with her reaction if I just said “Look, don’t change your wedding date, but it’s obvious to me we aren’t very close and your behavior is ridiculous. Please don’t send me an invite. I won’t make your wedding regardless.”

Either way, she sounds like the kind of destructive person I wouldn’t want in my life, and I would hesitate to invite someone like this to my own wedding. 🙁

Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Post # 7
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ewwww she sounds like such a nasty person! Keep your honeymoon exactly where it is! I wouldn’t change my plans for someone unless we were the best of friends and they were going to be gracious about the whole situation. You need to be a little selfish sometimes… if she really wants you there THAT bad, then she’ll change it. You had your date set first anyway. 

Post # 8
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

To be honest, your post was a bit long so I mostly skimmed. But honestly, this doesn’t sound like a person who would be missed in your life if she actually made good on her threat of “never forgiving you”.

 

Post # 9
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I think you have to evaluate if you’ll miss her as a friend or if you won’t miss the friendship. The thing is, you asked her to stand in your wedding. At one point, during your planning process, you thought she’s important to you enough to ask her to be part of your bridal party. I think she’s acting very inconsiderate and selfish, but the fact is, you can accept the person she is and be the bigger person. You very well know that wedding planning is stressful, and she values your presence at her wedding. You said you can potentially go on your honeymoon a few days later. I think others’ posts make sense: do what you want to do. But if you think you’ll miss her in the future, I’d do my best to attend her wedding. It’s a once in a lifetime event for most. (So is your honeymoon, but I’m sure you and your SO will go on many trips in the future). Good luck with your decision, and I’m awfully sorry you have to make such a difficult choice. 

Post # 10
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

To play devil’s advocate a little, I think some of her behavior is understandable. You said you texted/emailed your close friends to announce your engagement, but it doesn’t sound like you reached out to her, since she found out from a mutual friend. I know if a close friend of mine (someone close enough to be a bridesmaid) got engaged and I heard it through someone else first, I would be really upset. I would have let her know at the same time as you contacted all of your other close friends. 

Similarly, you could have let her know your date sooner, since as a bridesmaid (and fellow bride) she needs to plan around it. 

Then again, she could have talked to you before she chose her date if your presence was so important! I know I checked with all the people who “had” to be at my wedding before setting the date. 

This sounds like a lot of miscommunication on both sides. Obviously some of her behavior is quite immature, but she sounds insecure and hurt by your actions. I would decide if you do want to be friends or not. If you do, you need to communicate better with her and see if you can figure out a way to attend her wedding. If you don’t, skip the wedding and I think that will pretty much end the friendship. 

Post # 12
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand where you are coming from.  If she is planning on moving her date because of you, and you think that she is going to ask you to be a bridesmaid, I understand why you are confused about what to do.  If you postpone your honeymoon you are going to be resentful, but if you don’t, I think you will feel a bit guilty, so regardless you are in a tough spot.  It sounds to me like you don’t really want to continue on with her being a big part of your life, nor do you see yourselves being friends 10 years from now, so I think you should keep your honeymoon date and just accept that she is probably going to be upset and mad at you. She will probably make you feel bad about it, and that is going to suck, but I don’t think you should change your plans just because of one very dramatic person. 

I would tell her not to move the date and that you will see what you can do, but that you can’t guarantee anything and that you hope she understands.  If she was/is a good friend she would understand.  Also, if she was someone you really cared about, this wouldn’t even be a question for you…. you would plan around it.  I know it sucks to be in this situation, but I would try my best to not let her drama get to you and just go on with your planning.  If you chose not to postpone your honeymoon, just buy her a nice gift and apologize and move on.  She needs to grow up.

I do understand your dilemma. Weddings make people craaaaazzzyyyyy.  I always thought my group of friends was fairly drama free and was surprised to see how wrong I was.  Weddings bring out the crazy in some people.  You just have to try and not let it get to you.

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