Post # 1
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
I just need to vent. I have been feeling like my self-esteem is dropping this week and I’m so frustrated and hurt. I work in a nursing home, and I know people with dementia/mood/behavior issues can’t control what they say all the time, but words can still hurt. During the weekend I was talking with a new resident and she was very friendly and asking my about my wedding. When I left the room I heard her say (quite loudly) to her visitor, “yeah she’s the nurse today. She’s getting married next year but she’s a bit heavy to be a bride.” To top it off, today a resident was joking around about who spilled a glass of water on the table and he looked at me and said “I think the chubby one wearing the black shirt did it.”
I don’t think of myself as overweight/chubby/fat/or heavy. I have size 12 hips and a size 10 waist. I personally consider this a fairly average size and I have a good hourglass shape so I definitely was feeling caught off guard and insulted by the comments I heard. I know I gained some weight during nursing school and I’ve been working on losing it, but I still don’t consider myself fat by any means.
So yeah, just needed to vent. It was just a crappy situation. Tomorrow is a new day at least, but for now my self-esteem is a little deflated 🙁
Has anyone else had issues with people calling you overweight when you don’t feel that you are?
Post # 2
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
crisy003: That sucks, those kinds of things are always hurtful (even if they’re ridiculous). HUGS! Just know you’re beautiful…hell you have a great man who wants to marry you and make you his forever! I bet he thinks you’re the perfect size to be a bride 😉
Post # 3
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
Older people tend to loose their filter so I would not take it to heart that one of your patients said something like that. I am around your size and don’t feel huge either but I know if someone said a comment it would probably hurt my feelings a bit, But I just think that my bf loves me the way I am.
If your SO didn’t love you exactly the way you are he wouldn’t want to marry you. Take the opinions of the people who count and anyone else doesn’t matter.
Thats just my take on things but hopefully it helps
Post # 4
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
Oh dang, I’m so sorry, that IS super rude 🙁 You’re right, you’re a perfectly average, beautiful size, and most certainly NOT too heavy to be a bride! Since when were there size restriction on who was or wasn’t allowed to get married anyway! Super hugs, I hope tomorrow is better and you’ll remember to look in the mirror and smile at your beautiful self!
Post # 5
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
I totally understand you. I get called “full figured” and “heavy” as well as asked if I’m going to “lose weight for the wedding” ALL of the time. I’m a size 10/12…hardly what I would consider fat. Just focus on being healthy & enjoying your body. If what people say hurts you, say something…I do this all the time and they’re usually embarassed (I guess they think a “fat” girl wont stand up for herself or something) and apoligize. I dont do it to hear their apology, I do it so hopefully they’ll be more aware next time they think about saying something like that to someone.
Post # 6
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
It sucks, I’m so sorry. 🙁 It’s a delicate situation since it can be related to mental health issues, so they were probably not saying this to be cruel. They might not even realize it’s hurtful. Will you have to work with them again ? If so, maybe you can handle this situation. Today you were taken offguard and it hurt you, next time maybe you can prepare an answer, just to let them know it’s not okay to comment on your weight, maybe something like ”Resident A, it hurts my feelings when you say things like that. I love my body and so does my fiancé”.
My granfather had dementia and started denying one of his sons and accusing my grandmother of cheating on him (which isn’t true). He didn’t mean to hurt feelings by saying this, but the thought that he was cheated on and that his son wasn’t his son was truly upsetting to him. He had no filter when it came to that topic. His other children had to tell him ”dad, when you say things like that, it hurts mom. It hurts (my uncle). Be careful, try not to talk about this when she’s around” and he apologized and tried not to talk about it. My grandfather is a good man, he’s not a mean person, but his illness made him act this way. In other circumstances, he would never have said anything like that.
Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
I just want to chime in and say that I have so many examples of the offensive things confused patients will say from my Mum! She has nursed for over 35 years and has been told she’s ugly, fat, a f***ing gypsy (?)… she’s been bitten, kicked, had bodily fluids thrown at her… The list is endless and it’s still being added to! It will only get worse I’m afraid while you continue to nurse in this particular role, but you will develop a really thick skin and carry on caring for them with a smile, just like my Mum. The woman has the patience of a Saint and I should add she is neither ugly or fat haha! Please don’t take anything they say to heart.
Post # 8
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
I ordered a size 8 dress, and I’ve been asked if I’m planning on losing weight for my wedding. As far as I know, a size 14 is about the size of an average woman – by no means is a 10/12 heavy! I think sometimes people get in the mentality of ‘be in the best shape you can be for the wedding ‘cuz you’ll never get there again!’ forgetting that the marriage isn’t about you being a stick (nor should you be a stick!), it’s about a loving union between two people. People are utterly ridiculous around weddings.
My response to anyone asking if I’m going to ‘get in shape’ for the wedding is usually a ‘Wow, what a rude question to ask.” and promptly ignoring whatever they think they need to say.
Post # 9
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
crisy003: I haven’t been called overweight by old bags… ahem, I mean elderly patients, but I have heard other nasty comments about my appearance. It’s either one of two things: it was more acceptable in “their day” to say those kinds of things out loud or they think because of their age they can get away with it.
Post # 10
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
I work in Aged Care too, once a resident said “My God your hair looks ugly” we must love our jobs.
Don’t worry about it, the most important person, your fiancee doesn’t think you’re too heavy!
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by sandy85. Reason: typo
Post # 11
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
Yeah… this is only one example of you being a better person than I. I probably would have replied back, “at least someone wants me and didn’t stick me in a home.”
When clothes shopping foran interview a while back rt out of college for my first “big girl job interview” my grandmother (who ISN’T demented, too old, or in otherwise poor health) decided to tell me then in front of the entire store that, “You’d better lose some weight to get those to fit!!” and then proceeded to cackle like the evil person she is. It was actually possibly one of the lowest weights I had been at the time, as college was good to me, so that blow to my self-esteeem from my own grandmother was like a gut punch.
10/12 isn’t fat at ALL. Continue to be the fabulous, amazing, caring person you already are! And relish the fact that if nothing else, YOU get to go home to your family and loving Fiance and have your entire life ahead of you. Most of them are probably just bitter old people anyways.
And for all those offended, I’m sorry. I have a habit of doing that, which is another example of how crisy is a better person than me!
Post # 12
Member
6534 posts
Bee Keeper
crisy003: “she’s a bit heavy to be a bride” wtf old hag? Size 10 brides cant get married? Tell her to go scratch!
Dont pay attention to her!!! What a bitch
Post # 13
Member
8063 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Props to you for working in a nursing home. Size 10 is quite normal in today’s society. Sometimes older people do not have the same verbal filter as everybody else, especially if they’re demented. As Taylor Swift says, just “shake it off!” You’ll be a beautiful bride!
Post # 14
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
I know it’s hard because although now size 10/12 is seen as normal, it wasn’t when they were young. Also before the womans lib movement, women didn’t have economic and personal power, so their sexual power was the most important. I think it’s important to remember that they are just speaking from a different era, when we weighed less on average, it was more appropriate to comment on another persons weight, particularly women. I think you need to let it go, as long as you are healthy, others peoples opinions about your weight do not matter. I agree with pps, a quick joke or response prepared for next time will help the situation.
Post # 15
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
I assume you wear scrubs to work? NOT figure flattering at all! I’m sorry. I WISH I was your size!
