Post # 1
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
Ok, so I think know I offended some friends/family earlier today and wanted to talk about it. This is a long one.
My Fiance is 6’4” and 145-150lbs. So he’s about as skinny and lanky as they come (I wouldn’t change a thing about him though!). He has medical issues that prevent him from gaining weight (though he tries so hard.) Anyways, he was so embarassed that it took him nearly a month to join the gym with me, despite being able to do p90x and can bench press far more than his body weight, etc. Almost daily he is ridiculed for his weight.
Early today I posted this on facebook out of frustration, “I’m pretty sure thin people are picked on by overweight people as much as overweight people are picked on by thin people.”
I didn’t want to talk about FIs personal issues so I didn’t mention him when my older brother tore me apart on my post. My sister then proceeded to lecture me for 30min about how women are more severly judged and shamed for being overweight and how it’s so much worse than skinny shaming. I realize the difference in severity, acknowledge the inappropriateness of the comment, and currently want to crawl under a rock..
Of course, I deleted it. (I recently posted an apology as well) But they don’t realize it was about him, not me. I just, aghh.. What do you ladies think?
Post # 3
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
in my own experience I’ve heard things said to skinny people like ‘eat a burger’, ‘lettuce for lunch again?’ Etc. pretty mean.
But then. I’ve heard overweight people get ‘you’re disgusting’, ‘you should kill yourself’, and have things thrown at them out of moving cars.
Personally. I think overweight people have it much worse (I’m pretty average for point of reference).
Post # 4
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
you have to realize that anything you put on a social media site is up for scrutiny by all. if you don’t put it in the correct context people aren’t going to know what you are referring to…as is your case it seems. my thoughts, in general about posting to facebook and such, are that if aren’t 100% willing to defend your position regardless, don’t post it. if you don’t want people to criticize you, don’t post it. if you are afraid you are going to offend someone, don’t post it.
now as for skinny shaming/fat shaming…both are totally unacceptable in my eyes. no one has any right to comment on another person’s body regardless. to pick a side and say one is worse than the other is impossible.
Post # 5
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
I do think skinny girls get picked on (comments like, “Will you eat something already?” etc), but I assume that heavier girls get picked on more and (I’m not really sure about this but) weight might be a more sensitive subject (in general, of course)?
If someone wants to tell me to eat something, I don’t care because it’s not a sore subject for me. If I were hassled about it repeatedly, it might make me more sensitive.
Apparently I really like parentheses.
Post # 6
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
@luvbug080688: I completely agree with everything you said.
@Catcat1: I agree. When I was being lectured by sister I told her that too. I didn’t mean to reference severity, only frequency, but I didn’t explain even that. Do you have a ginormous rock I can borrow?
Post # 7
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
@JenniMichele: I like parenthesis too. …and I agree.
Post # 8
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
Body shaming of any kind sucks and is inappropriate. I’ve sort of been on the receiving end of both fat and skinny shaming, and to be honest fat shaming’s worse because of how our society views fat vs. thin. As for posting on Facebook, unfortunately certain things are going to press people’s buttons. Basic lesson’s that on the internet you have to tread carefully.
Post # 9
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
Yeah… if you even have to question how something will be interpreted on FB, don’t post it.
I think fat shaming probably happens more than skinny shaming… but I have been picked on for years for being small, and it seriously blows. Not so much anymore (since I gained 10 lbs) but it was so bad in middle school that other students were switched out of my classes for being so hateful.
They both suck.
Post # 10
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Both are equally obnoxious. Lesson learned, don’t put cryptic messages on facebook that are sure to spark angry comments.
Post # 11
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
I think ppl have zero problem telling me to go eat a burger, but no ever told me NOT to when I was overweight. It’s PC to harass skinny ppl to our faces and it really pisses me off. I get comments on my weight and what I eat (or won’t eat) all the time. Not cool.
Post # 12
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
@Weetzie: That’s exactly it. People have no problem making fun of him because they think it isn’t as offensive or it isn’t a big deal, but it is. It makes me crazy. It hurts him so much and I can’t do a damn thing about it. #@$%U*&^%$#@
Post # 13
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@OnceUponATime: This is so frustrating! I get nasty comments about “being anorexic” / “eat a cookie” / “come on, you skinny bitch, you can eat XXXXX”
But if I COMPLAIN about how people feel comfortable insulting my size, it’s “thin privledge” and “I don’t know what it’s like to have people mock [me]” (Which I do, I was large through the first half of high school)
And I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to hear “Go kill yourself” from a passing car. But hearing someone yell “I want to fuck your face in” Isn’t exactly nice, either!
Post # 14
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
They both suck. They probably shouldn’t be compared. You know that. You apologized. Don’t know that there’s much to do at this point but just move on. If there are specific people (like your brother or sister) that are close to you and were particularly hurt, it might be worth a conversation to apologize and explain some of your fiance’s struggles.
The real key is: In general, it’s okay to complain about things, but comparisons usually get you in trouble. When in doubt, don’t post.
Post # 15
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
I don’t think you deserved to be torn apart for your comment. Skinny shaming is hard, especially so for men for whom the ideal is to be big and strong.
Post # 16
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
Shaming people about their bodies – fat or thin – is rude, obnoxious and unacceptable in any context. But that doesn’t mean that the experiences are equal. Fat people are statistically more llikely to live in poverty, and are discriminated against in all types of employment. (http://www.aarp.org/work/on-the-job/info-11-2011/weight-discrimination-in-workplace.html) Overweight women, especially, are passed over for promotions at work. Chris Christie had people openly speculating that he’d be too fat to run for President; that no one would vote for someone who so obviously lacked self control or would probably just have a heart attack in office. Fat people face incredible discrimination and prejudice when trying to seek healthcare. (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/16/health/16essa.html?_r=0) Obese kids are more likely to be bullied. (http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/05/03/obesity.bullying/index.html)
Yes, it is horrible and awful that anyone should be shamed about their bodies in any way. But it’s not the same.