(Closed) Skinny shaming vs. Fat shaming

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

i think overweight people have it harder because society has taught us that skinny is the norm and the desired. like the size 0 people like Victoria beckham are super skinny but is accepted by society and the media, tv, tabloids etc.. it seems like when people say “your so skinny ” etc , they seem usually insecure with themselves (not all of them though of course) but the people that i hear telling people they are too skinny are usually rather overweight themselves…..
i cant imagine being called either too fat or too thin would  be very nice 🙁

Post # 18
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@OnceUponATime:  I’ve NEVER been skinny. I’ve been kind of overweight to morbidly obese and everywhere in between! ::knock-on-wood:: – I’ve never had truly cruel comments, but I know big girls who have been told/called horrible things. I have a friend who was physically assaulted on the subway because the guy thought she was “fat, ugly, and taking up too much room.”

I think the thing that scarred me the most happened in Italy. I was a size 14 (I’m 5’10) and I had just walked up to my apartment on the fifth floor. I passed by a neighbor, smiled, and he actually GRABBED MY STOMACH and told me in Italian to eat less pasta. Yeah. Not cool.

That being said, skinny shaming is wrong too. I don’t think it happens as often…and when it does, it’s almost socially acceptable which is wrong. But as wrong as it is…I’d rather be told to eat a cheeseburger than have my ass kicked on the train.

 

Post # 19
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

“Desirably” thin women can be stereotyped as bitchy or vain while “undesirably” skinny people can be treated REALLY badly. My Fiance is very skinny, as are my father and brother, and it can be hard for them.

That said there is more societal shaming of overweight people. Thin people may be seen as sickly but their *character* isn’t under scrutiny. Heavy people are disparaged as lazy, slow, greedy, etc. And there is sexism underlying this: our society values thinness in women (whatever the cost) over heaviness.

Post # 20
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I notice a lot of both types of shaming, but people usually get called out for fat-shaming more. While both are wrong, most people who fat-shame seem to get swarmed (especially here on the Bee). I see a lot of rude comments made toward thin wedding dress models that really aren’t called for. There is a very subtle size difference between a truly underweight woman and a woman who is in excellent shape, especially under a big white dress. There are bees with bodies similar to those models who eat just fine – and the backhanded comments at models could be hurting the skinny Bees too.

I think people need to consciously make an effort to stop commenting on people’s weight as a general rule, though. If they are your family, go ahead and talk gently about your concerns, and consult a doctor about it, but some random skinny model or some random fat girl you don’t know? Just shut up!

Post # 21
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@OnceUponATime:  Growing up I have always been skinny. 90 – 100lbs even in High school and I’m 5’3″. But I would eat whatever I wanted and eat as much as I want. I also played sports so I was in shape, not just a stick figure. But I would have girls ask me if I was anorexic, why don’t I eat something, bones… it made me feel so bad that I would eat until i got myself sick to try to gain weight. i was eating so unhealthy which I was just hurting myself. So yes, it does hurt and just as worse as a bigger girl getting critizied for thier weight.

Post # 22
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@OnceUponATime:  Personally I think overweight people get the shitty end of the stick overall. It is generally more socially acceptable to be skinny than fat (usually it is a lot easier to gain weight than lose it, except in medical instances like the example you mentioned).

Post # 24
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@OnceUponATime:  Also, I’ve posted things on FB that weren’t about me, but people assumed so and it made me seem bratty (OR I’ve written bratty things and regretted it). It happens. Don’t feel too bad! 🙂

Post # 25
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My friend posted something about this on FB just yesterday. He’s rail thin and that’s just how he is. He was offended that someone could tell him to eat a burger, but he’s evil if he says anything about a fat person.

I feel for him, I really do, but as a big woman who has been bullied, I’d trade in a second. The things that people feel entitled to say to you JUST BECAUSE you’re bigger is just horrible. It’s taken me years to get over some of the things that have been done and said to me. In my adult life, I’m surrounded by people who don’t care if I’m 120 or 320 lbs., but man…that shit still hurts. Thin people already fit the beauty standard. Fat people most certainly don’t.

 

I think more people make assumptions if you’re big than if you’re skinny. If you’re skinny, people might think you vain or without worry. If you’re fat, people tend to think you’re lazy, incompetent, without control, and unkempt. I don’t think thin people get picked on more than a fat person would.

 

I know a lot of people who have metabolisms that are just off the charts and they eat A LOT in order to maintain their (thin) frame. ALL of the shaming is wrong.

 

Post # 26
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Both sides of the shaming culture are nasty. I’m overweight (20 or so pounds above CDC healthy for my height) but Fiance falls into the healthy category at 6’2″, 155 pounds. Funny thing is… my own mother is constantly asking me if he’s going to “bulk up” before the wedding and makes off-handed comments about finding slender men unattractive. She even goes so far as to insinuate a lack of masculinity as a result of his build. It pisses me off far more than when she suggests that I am fat. I never repeat her nasty comments, but I find them hurtful, even if they aren’t about my body. Eff body shaming of all kinds!

Post # 27
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

im really thin no matter how much i eat and im self-concious about it. I don’t have breasts or an ass or hips, i do not feel like a woman should. People say comments to me all of the time. I get really upset depending on what they say. No one thinks its rude. IT IS. Society might tell women they should be thin but also if you are too thin you are automatically assumed to have an eating disorder. I had to go to the hospital for something and they would watch me eat and questioned me relentlessly about it cause I don’t weigh much.

Post # 28
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

All of the skinny shaming I hear is usually “ugh she should eat a hamburger” or “eew I can see her ribs”. These are all things said about the person, not to their face. I remember being tormented by kids in school. I was called Shamoo. I was told to dial 1-800-jenny-craig. When they learned that adipose refers to fat tissue they started calling me adipose. These things were said to my face. I was told that I was disgusting and worthless as a woman and that I was unlovable because of how fat I was. I was a size 12.

I was dieting in middle school and eating 1200 calories a day. Then when I was 14 I was molested. I was never thin enough to please them, no matter what I did. I decided to just stop caring about being attractive because all it did was get me hurt, I may as well be hurt and full instead of constantly hungry. I watched my sister become bulimic and go from a size 12 to a size 8 and all of the attention and praise that she got for being thin and pretty. I decided to tell everyone to go fuck themselves and stopped dieting. I gained a lot of weight. I was on anti-depressants for about 4 years between the ages of 13 and 17. Zoloft contributes to weight gain, and I’d stopped dieting and had slowly risen to 270 lbs. I was so depressed I fantasized about suicide daily.

Then after high school I lost 25 pounds just from stopping the anti-depressants and not being tomented/stressed on a dialy basis. I went away to college and got better friends. My weight still fluctuates and I still eat emotionally. It’s hard to overcome so much emotional turmoil. Especially when you have a large frame and you come from viking stock. I decided that I want to focus on healthy, not body size.

It’s still a struggle, of course. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything, you said what you said out of a place of love and frustration. But I don’t think that the skinny shaming is as bad as fat shaming. In the end, thin people are still revered as beautiful and better and good. In a perfect world we’d all just accept each other and not care about anyone elses weight, but the world’s not perfect. All we can do is try to make it a little better.

Post # 29
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OnceUponATime:  It goes both ways and you should have been upset about it. They had no right to jump down your throat like that on YOUR post.

I was extremely thin all through high school. I believe it was partially due to an undiagnosed heart condition as well as just good old genetics. My senior year I was 5’9 and 115-119 pounds.

I went on a mission trip with my church and ended up passing out (due to heart the heart condition I found out later). I was out cold for about a minute or so, and the first thing my pastor said to me when he came to talk to me was “well anorexia will do that to you.” I was CRUSHED. Later I found out that his daughter-in-law had started that stuff and he later came to me and apologized, but it definitely bothered me for a long time. I mean, I knew I was a bit built like a Tim Burton character, but I didn’t realize I looked starved.

So, yes, body shaming goes both ways.

Post # 30
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@OnceUponATime:  I am a petite person and I always have been and I can honestly say from experience that growing up I was bullied for being thin in the SAME way some other girls were bullied for being heavy.  I was called a fetus, people would comment on how I must be anorexic and I should eat a burger.  Even now that I’m more proportionate and not as sickly skinny, women gang up on me whenever they start discussing dieting or exercise or question me about WHY I’m at the gym or eating healthy.  I’m not “dieting”… I’m taking care of my body.  Sorry?  I HATE when people post pictures about how it’s better to have “curves” and how curves are “more beautiful.”  It’s JUST as hurtful as someone saying that having a flat stomach is more beautiful.  Personally, I think we should accept eachother for WHO WE ARE and recognize that beauty comes in MANY forms… and stop putting other women down. Do onto others…? You know?

Post # 31
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OnceUponATime:  Yeah. It happens.  Open mouth. Insert food. It’ll blow over. And people that really know you will know that you aren’t mean or judegemental. We all say things we shouldn’t. The internet just makes it all  more public. Don’t stress too much!!!

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