Skipped the proposal, now happily engaged

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee

Congrats on your engagement, and it’s great that you did it without him proposing.

I am not being critical in any way, but I am just curious: why is it that you proposing didn’t feel right?  And if being married (and engaged) was the most important thing to you, why do you think you need jewelry to show off?  Just the news alone should have you beaming!

Post # 3
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

Congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 4
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

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@stateofbeeing:  not trying to speak for OP (and I’m curious to see their perspective on this)

In my relationship, we also skipped the proposal and agreed to be engaged, but I also wanted a ring (I now have a couple lol) and he wanted to do an announcement.  For us, I think that, while some cultural elements of engagement didn’t fit with us, that doesn’t mean that ALL elements have to go. 

We pick and choose what traditions feel right and which ones don’t and that’s sort of been how we have chosen to navigate this. Our wedding is being done with the same energy– just-us elopement, no officiant, he’s agreed to wear a wedding band, we’re getting a photographer, he asked for fancy wedding “costumes,” we might get a cake…etc.

Post # 5
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

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stateofbeeing:  Also, just to point out: “most important” doesn’t mean that that’s the only thing that can happen. Priorities lists don’t stop after the top thing is checked off. You can prioritize something and then do something lower on the list.

Being engaged is this highest priority, getting a ring might be down the list, and both can happen.

Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Congrats! It’s nice that more couples are deciding to do what works for them! My fiancé officially proposed but we had discussed and decided to get married and picked our rings. A few days after we picked them up he took me to some of our significant date spots. I knew something was up since it was during the height of the pandemic (and we hadn’t been going anywhere) and brought his ring along. He proposed, I said yes and then proposed to him with his ring and a curtsey. It was perfect for us and I’m 100% with you on still wanting bling!

Post # 8
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@castalia:  

l am very happy for you , it’s lovely and you sound very happy yourselves . But l win the simple prize . Ours took place one afternoon in bed, only days after we first met and went :-

him-  ‘do you think it’d be cool to move in and get married ? ‘

me – yeah , l think it would

him’ – ‘ l have to get a ring  or something don’t l ?”  

me- “that would be  very cool” 

Him – what about that one you liked yesterday ?( a little plain two tone gold entwined dolphins ring)

Me – ooh yes that would be lovely. 

Then we got up ( well, after a while lol.) went out, got it and that was it . I call that simple . Could have been disastrous of course! 

Post # 9
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee

Congratulations on your engagement.

I’m 100% with you – while I don’t have an issue with other people having a big pre-planned proposal moment, it wouldn’t sit well with me, because I feel like if you’ve discussed getting married and both agreed you want to get married…you kind of are engaged anyway!  

Would love to see a photo of the ring when you’re ready to share it.

Post # 10
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@castalia:  How much do I lie this story!!!! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•. Our trajectory was not tha different.  Too long to post but essentially we just decided together that this was the route we were taking Covid thrust us into cohabitating before we expected it and some family heartbreak due to my Dads illness inspired  him to finally just do it.  He really just came home after a I had an emotional day with my family and handed me a gift box and said I got this for you maybe it will make you a bit less sad and let you know everything will be ok. The box was a fed ex box so I had no idea it was a ring.   My reaction was so over the top.  I will try to post it.  But essentially I knew we were getting engaged but wasn’t prepared.  So I had him box the ring back up put it in the safe and we arranged to formally do it on our 3 year anniversary when I was more picture ready.  Sorry not sorry my leggings and messy hair didn’t do it for me.  LOL. I had to be picture perfect.  πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£ Other than that it was nice at this stage to come into a joint agreement that we were taking this step.  I would t have changed it for the world  

 

Congrats I am so happy  for you!  Please post a pic of your ring so we can drool over it!πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by ricli.
  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by ricli.
  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by ricli.
Post # 11
Member
4808 posts
Honey bee

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@castalia:  I totally understand wanting some of the traditional elements, I was the same way.

We also ended up coming to the mutual decision to get married. We set a budget and I went on the hunt for the perfect stone (he wanted me to get exactly what I wanted) and I also designed my setting. We then, for a very boring reason, waited a few months before it was publicly official.

Im not big into surprises or OTT gestures and I liked that we were both part of the process. We had a micro wedding due to Covid and I loved every part of that as well.  

Post # 12
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@teaandcake:  So true!

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@elderberry:  That story is Perfect!

Post # 13
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@stateofbeeing:  I can understand your point about the news should have her excited alone.   However, there is something about having the ring accompany the news that makes it a tad more special.  But true the engagement is certainly the priority!   Either way the way OP and her fiancé went about it so so damn cool!

Post # 14
Member
4808 posts
Honey bee

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@ricli:  exactly! You can be over the moon about the engagement, but still want some bling to show off!

The ring was the second most important thing to me. I didn’t want a big wedding and was happy going to the court house (we ended up hiring an officiant because the court house had a 2-3 month wait for appointments).  

Post # 15
Member
3888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Congrats! My husband and I did this too. We had both been previously married and were a little less starry-eyed about a magical proposal and all that. We decided to get married, had a beautiful ring made, and eloped a couple months later. It was wonderful ❀️ Congratulations!

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