(Closed) Skipping toasts to avoid embarrassment?

posted 9 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Is your Dad paying for the wedding? B/c in that case you really can’t stop him from making a speech. But you can talk to him beforehand about it and tell him how you feel about being embarrased by certain things and how your feelings are hurt when he always talks about favorite sibling. And hope for the best!

Otherwise, if he’s not paying, just instruct the DJ or Bandleader not to give him or anyone besides the accepted list the microphone. Tell the DJ/Bandleader to say to anyone who asks for it that he has to clear it with you first and you already have a schedule of speeches laid out that you have alloted time for.

Post # 4
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

My Future Sister-In-Law sounds similar…she doesn’t think before she speaks and spews offensive/shocking/horrible words at any given moment–and even more so when she has an audience (She thinks she’s funny…I think she’s insulting).  

She’s going to be on Fi’s side of the wedding party and will want to give a speech, but we’re going to lay down ground rules with her.  We’re telling her that we don’t want any embarrassing stories and we just want something nice and (hopefully) sincere.  We’re also going to tell her that we’ll have to read over and approve of her speech before she gives it.

A little extreme?  Maybe.  But after hearing some of the things she said this Thanksgiving, it’ll be necessary to give me peace of mind.

Maybe you could try a version of what we’re doing with your dad?  

Good Luck!

Post # 5
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I was worried about this, too, but we decided to let dad toast anyway. Just before the wedding, I was angsting about it to my friend, and she said that her dad had embarrassed her at her wedding, her best friend’s dad had embarrassed her at her’s… for those of us with embarrassing dads, it can be a rite of passage.

As it turned out, my dad decided to devote a significant portion of his toast to my ex-boyfriends. Embarassed It was SO EMBARRASSING, but for me, it was better than hurting my family’s feelings by saying my dad couldn’t give a toast, and nobody thought it was any reflection on me. I don’t know your situation well enough to say, but if you let him toast and he embarrasses you, it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll be angry, but you won’t really have time to focus on it, and it might be a funny story later.

Post # 6
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Make him write it before hand, and get your approval. Then hire a bouncer with a copy of the speech, and if your dad starts to deviate, have the bouncer take him out in dramatic fashion. 🙂

But really… good luck with this. Definitely talk to him about it beforehand.

Post # 7
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We skipped both the toast(s) and champagne and not a single person noticed.

They were too into their beer and wine! Wink

Congrats and good luck!

Post # 8
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t have anybody give a toast. My Fiance is asking his dad to be his bestman and his dad doesn’t do so well at public speaking so I said nobody in the wedding party will do a speech, that way his dad doesn’t feel weird if my Maid/Matron of Honor does one and he doesn’t. I think that Fiance & I will just do a toast thanking our parents for supporting us throughout our lives, and thanking everyone for joining us on our special day.

Post # 9
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think that’s one of those traditions that isn’t a “must” anymore. We’re not having toasts, we’re not even doing a dance. This day is about your fiance’ and you – do what YOU want to do! But I agree with ModernDaisy – if your dad is helping finance the affair then you can’t really stop him (or atleast it would be rude to!). Every family is different though I guess. Good luck!

Post # 10
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We didn’t do toasts for just that reason. They’re embarassing for the bride and groom and pretty boring for everyone else.

Post # 11
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are not doing any parental toasts because we are concerned about my fiance’s father doing similar things (he is very repetitive and insulting without realizing it, and constantly puts my fiance down.  I think he thinks it’s funny and a good joke, but it just comes off as cruel).  Just tell them you don’t like weddings where toasts go on forever so you are just having the best man do a toast and that’s it.

We’ll probably have best man/maid of honour and then we’ll do a quick thank you speech.

Post # 13
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think we’re pretty comfortable with allowing our parents, the best man, and the Maid/Matron of Honor.  If they manage to sneak in some less than memorable remarks, I guess we’ll have to deal with.  We refuse to have an open mic.  Saw this at a wedding once and it wasn’t pretty at all.

Post # 14
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am contemplating not having toasts/speeches. We are not having a DJ and doing an Itunes recption and we will have a mic so I don’t know how we would control it other than instruction to the DOC. Just wanted to bump this thread and see if anyone else is considering “no toasts” and get some more input.

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