- 4 years ago
Hopefully I can make this a long story, short! Bare with me..
Dh and I have been clashing for the past month or so. He has never snored before since we have been together, and it becoming a huge problem. He is snoring very loud, every night. We only have one bedroom, and no couch. He claims he’s snoring because he’s overly tired, and I get it, but I’m not getting any sleep. Like I said, it’s been going on for a month now, I’m getting irritated at him, even though I know it’s not his fault! We do good going to bed, then around 12 or 1 I wake up to the snoring, and then I’m up, so I toss and turn, go sleep on the floor, but it’s not helping. We take turns sleeping on the floor, but neither of us are getting any sleep, so we are down each other’s throats. I’m not mad that he’s snoring, but I can’t sleep, and he said he’s not getting much sleep because I’m either snapping at him, or tossing all night. I feel bad. He does not have any sleep apnea problems, so I’m not sure what’s going on. He says it’s just because he’s so tired (he works a lot). We don’t want to get to the point where we are sleeping in separate rooms, and we love being together, but what’s going on now is not working for either of us. I feel like he’s blaming me for HIS snoring, by his comments, on how our marriage is being affected, and how I just storm out of bed in the middle of the night and sleep on the floor. He sent me a couple texts regarding the snoring, and he says something like, oh you don’t want to sleep with me! Oh, you want me to go sleep somewhere else! I have never said anything like this. Gaslighting maybe? I feel like I’m getting blamed by him, but maybe I’m wrong. That’s why I’m here for advice. It’s like anything I say, about the sleep thing, or the sex issue, kind of gets turned around on me somehow?
I have been trying very hard to not make him feel bad about his snoring. But, when I’m up every night, I’m getting a little irritated. I have not yelled at him for it, but it’s coming in between us.
The sex issue is a little tough..In the beginning of our relationship we had sex 6-7 days a week, seems like the past 1.5 years he “deny’s” me more..as in, we get to bed, I try to initate, and he trys to “joke” around and tell me to go away, pushes me away, or “playfully” puts his hand on my forehead and pushes me away. He trys to make it cute, but it’s not..I finally said something yesterday about how it hurts my self esteem when he constantly deny’s me. He deny’s me at least 4 times a week, if not more. (this is probably Too Much Information, but he is a VERY sexual man), so it’s not like my sex drive is higher than his, trust me, it’s the other way around! When we first met, it was every day! He claims now he is just too tired, which I do believe him, I just don’t like his actions.
He took such offense to me calmy and gently saying that I’m hurt sometimes when he denys me all the time. I think denying someone 4-5 times a week is a little much. I told him it hurts my feelings, and makes me feel very unwanted. He blew up on me this morning, saying it was bulls*it! I feel like he is maybe gaslighting me a little bit? Maybe I’m wrong. I’m a very calm person, and I didn’t want to make him feel bad, that’s why I said it calmly and gently. I don’t want to have my husband put his hand on my forehead every night and push me away.