(Closed) sleeping in same bed

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I couldnt read past the first few lines. You need paragraphs to make it readable.

However from what I could get, yes it is very normal for people to not be allowed to sleep in the same room in their parents house. Its the whole “their roof, their rules” thing. It doesnt matter what you do at other locations because those other locations are owned/ruled by the parents.

You need to respect the parents on this even if you find it silly.

Post # 4
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

when youre living in your own house, you make your own rules. when youre living in someone elses house – you respect their rules.

Post # 5
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that if you are staying at a parents’ house before you are married, that you should follow their rules and sleep in seperate beds.

Honestly, it was hard to read you whole post though since it doesn’t have any paragraph breaks in it.  Since you have a place, is there any way that she could just move in with you?  Since you aren’t planning on having him help with the wedding, you two could just live on your own.

Post # 6
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If it makes you feel better, my first husbands grandmother was that way.  We all frequently went to stay at her camp in the summer, and despite the fact that all of her grandchildren were living with their SO’s, some were engaged and 1 had a daughter with theirs, no one was allowed in the same bed until they were married.  It was sort of the big joke, the girls would all go and sleep in the bunk beds, the boys would sleep in the other room and my husband and I would just laugh because we were the only ones married and allowed to share a bed.  

Post # 7
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My parents know SO and I sleep together, but when we stay in their house, he stays in the guest bedroom. It will be that way till we are married. I’m in my 30s, by the way. Funnily enough, when we’re on vacation together, he shares a hotel room with me and they don’t blink. It’s really an “under my roof” situation.

Their house, their rules.

I don’t mind, really. We don’t spend that much time there and I love and respect my parents feelings.

Post # 8
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Okay, I couldn’t read the whole post because it had no breaks in it, but I think it is very normal not to be allowed to sleep in the same bed/room until married.

When Fiance and I were dating, we’d stay with his brother when traveling because they allowed us to stay in the same room. However, their lives got really busy and couldn’t accommodate us any more, so now we stay with his mom. We are NOT allowed to sleep in the same room at his mom’s house. And I’m totally cool with that. Her house, her rules. Once we are married, we can share a bed & room. I respect that.

My parents allow us to share a room. I feel a little weird about it at my dad’s, but again – his house, his rules.

Whenever we go somewhere new (just this weekend we stayed at a coworker’s house), I always approach it in a way where they can tell us what they would prefer. “Where would you like us to put our things?” “Where would you like us to sleep?” If she had wanted us to have different beds, I wouldn’t have been offended in the least.

If you want to share a bed, get a hotel room. Rules of the house apply if you’re staying with someone. Engaged is not married.

Post # 9
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

My parents won’t let my Fiance stay in my bed when he stays over, he sleeps in a different room. When I am over at his place (he lives with his parents also) they have no problem with us sleeping in the same bed. My parents lived together before marriage, they have no problem with us living together, in fact they want us to live together before marriage. It is not for religious reasons they don’t want us sleeping in the same bed under their roof, it is just their rules. Their house their rules, it is annoying yes. But talking to her father like that is very much out of line! It is his house NOT yours.

Post # 10
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Their house, their rules IMO.

Post # 11
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

His house, his rules. I would suck it up and sleep in different rooms. Otherwise he might kick you out. I guess you could share a bed at a homeless shelter…..

While I (like you) see no problem with premarital sex and living together, I don’t think  its very respectful of you to speak to your Future Father-In-Law like that. He owns his own home and is hosting you. You have made no mention of paying him rent, so I think it is reasonable of him to ask that you each sleep in your own rooms.

As for the whole thing with him treating his son differently, my parents do that too. I am allowed to have my Fiance sleep over because we are engaged. My older brother is not allowed to have his gf (of many years) sleep over, even though they live together.Its their house and so they can make up their own rules.

You are also not entitled to any of their money. Just because they paid for their son’s wedding does not mean they have to pay for yours. The tradition of the bride’s parents paying is long gone. Most couples pay by themselves. Some have both sets of parents contribute and others have only one side contribute. You are not owed anything by them just because you are marrying their daughter. That includes a place to sleep and their money. They are being generous by letting you sleep there and you should accept that offer with the strings it comes with (having to sleep in your own bed alone) or move out.

Post # 12
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ehh, my husband and I had to sleep in separate beds at his parents house when we were engaged, except he was 37, not 27.  It’s ridiculous, but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the peace.

Post # 13
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i couldn’t read the whole thing.  paragraphs are your friends

anyways, bottomline…his house, his rules.  period.

Post # 14
9971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have to admit, I read the first 1/3 maybe, and it got too confusing because there were no paragraphs and just a blob of text.

However, if she (and/or you) is living under her parents roof, those are the rules that have to be respected.  If her father said no, you need to respect what his rules are.  If you don’t, you (and she) should move out and take the financial burden yourself.  Her father is concerned you are setting a bad example for his son, under the principles and morals that he chooses to raise his family with.  Just because you and your Fiance have decided to not follow the same principles and morals doesn’t mean you should throw them in the fact of her father.  I think it’s rude and, personally, insulting.

Post # 15
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you want to be treated like an adult then you act like an adult… which means you are self-suffient.  You dont’ appear to be self-suffient as a couple (because at least one of you is living with parents) therefore… you technically aren’t living as adults.

His house.  His rules.


You want to make the rules.  Get your own house.

Post # 16
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s just one of those things you’re going to have to accept. Some people are old fashioned, and unfortunately, as a guest in their house, it’s incredibly rude to object to the way they wish to do things. I know you’ve done it that way in the past, but the thing is, it’s their house. Their decisions don’t have to appear rational to you. In fact, if you threw a fit about it, I even think you should apologize. Especially if you got super emotional or yelled or called names, it probably did NO favors for you in terms of appearing mature enough to accept a truly “adult” sleeping arrangement.Especially, ESPECIALLY if you expect them to contribute financially.

This arrangement will not the rest of your lives, but the relationship you are building with her parents–or destroying–will. I have a feeling that if you continue to press this issue,you will regret it down the line.

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