(Closed) sleeping over vs. living together

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Splitting chores is sometimes a sticky subject. Particularly if one partner is in the mood to relax at the time when the other is amped up to clean. The cleaning party might mistakenly think the relaxing party is lazy, especially if the person doing the cleaning never witnesses the other person cleaning.

Post # 4
Member
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh god yes.  Chores and cooking.  It didn’t bother us (me) at first because it was so new and great, but before long, the fact that I was doing all the housework started to make me grumpy.  Don’t let it fester and talk to him about it, make a schedule, divide things up and come to an agreement before it fustrates you too much.  That is of cousre assuming he’s the typical guy and a messy house will bother you before it bothers him.  Otherwise, congrats!  you’ve got yourself a keeper for sure!  Laughing

Post # 5
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think living together is a lot more difficult.  When you have your own place you know in the back of your mind that you always have an escape.  I spent the night at my FI’s place almost every night but I always had a place to go if we got in a big argument or he was simply getting on my nerves.  Once you move in together you are forced to be around each other even when you are mad.  Ultimately, it is a good thing but it takes some getting used to.

My biggest challenge when Fiance moved in together was making his place feel like my home.  He had lived there for 9 years prior to me and his house was the ultimate bachelor pad.  I wanted to decorate and make the place more style and he was kind of hesistant to change things at first.  There were many arguments in the beginning about making room for my things and me changing things.  We have been living together for a little over a year now and things have definitely smoothed out.  We still bicker and get on each other’s nerves at times but most of the kinks have worked themselves out.  It just takes time!

Post # 6
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with the other posters.  Our biggest adjustment was our different styles of cleaning.  He grew up in a spotless house that was cleaned every single day, and our house was a disaster growing up.  It took us a while to compromise on an acceptable level of clean – oddly enough, now I am a clean FREAK!

 

Post # 7
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah I agree with other people.  The cleaning I think is a hard issue.  Nothing was really difficult for us, but I don’t feel any “ownership” of the place and still think of it as his place not “our place”.  can’t wait til we move and buy a house! 

Post # 8
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Chores, Cleaning, Bills, and who pays for fun nights out. Anything and everything in between.

Post # 9
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@mkewed2010:  Just what you said!  About not feeling like this is “our house” but “his house” 

I rent out my condo now and combining 2 households of furniture into 1 was VERY challenging.  Finally we have more of a task “rhythm” going.  He cooks, I clean the kitchen, and we both share most other responsibilities. 

Its all worth it in the end – good luck!

Post # 10
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

hey, OP- you guys are engaged? Why not move in after you’re married?

I always wonder, why act like you’re married when you’re not married yet? (No offense at all to those who decide to cohabitate before marriage! :)) When I lived with my now ex, it completely changed the dynamics of our relationship. Instead of date nights, we were doing chores. And I felt like it wasn’t “our” place, but instead, I was just staying at HIS place. It was not a good feeling.

I am REALLY excited about looking for a place with my fiancee. And after our wedding night, we’ll be going to our new home together, instead of back to our apartment.

If you don’t want to wait until you’re married, I recommend finding a new place TOGETHER, and making sure that you are comfortable, and that at least half is yours and you have lots of input on decorating and stuff, so that it truly feels like your home as well.

Post # 11
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We found deciding who had to take the bin out to be a big problem….

Other than that the usual things, bills, personal space I was lucky in that I didn’t move intohis place and he didn’t move into mine. We both finished university and decided to get a new place in a new city together.

It was more than worth it though. Saying that I’m from Scotland, so I think traditions of when you more in are different over here.

Post # 12
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, it was easier living together than it was sleeping over. There were some disagreements, of course, about cleaning, but generally it was easier because we each had our own space. Before, if I were at his place it would feel weird to putter around doing my own thing. I’m sure it helped that we got a new place, and one of us didn’t just move in with the other.

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Definitely things to figure out like chores and cooking like other bees have said.

There’s also something about seeing each other in every moment of your down time (mind you we live in a one bedroom apartment…hopefully that will change soon) that can make you feel almost too comfortable and lose the anticipation of seeing each other. We have to work at things and try not to just fall into the routine of crashing on the couch and not moving for the rest of the night.

Post # 14
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Fiance and I have been living together for a couple months now and before we were just doing the sleepover thing. Honestly, I think living together is much easier than packing stuff, driving over ( 45 min one way for us), THEN adjusting.

Used to be when we weren’t living together I would get pissed if I drove 45 minutes to watch him sitting in his underwear playing xbox. Now that we live together I have things to do around the house so we are both able to relax more and the little things don’t get to me as much.

Also- my Fiance and I have a system down of who takes care of what… that helps a lot!

Post # 15
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I moved into his studio.  One of our biggest struggles was based on the issue of not having enough space.  I didn’t have anywhere to put any of my stuff – alot of it ended up in my mom’s garage.  Also, because I moved into his space I felt like a visitor most of the time we lived there.  I wish we would have found a place together and moved into some place new for both of us.

Post # 16
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Chores. Definitely chores. We slept over at each other’s places so often that we’ve barely noticed any living differences – except cleaning (because why would you clean each others’ place if you didn’t live there?). That’s easy to get around though,  just agree on a cleaning schedule and stick to it.

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