(Closed) Sleeping together the night before…?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I gave mine the boot the whole weekend ! lol. We had seperate hotel rooms. I wanted the tradition and some anticipation, but also… sleep. I wanted to sleep like a rock which is best done solo 🙂

Post # 3
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

View original reply
llevinso:  My rule for pretty much anything wedding-related is not to do it “just because that’s what people do.” If you want to do it, do it. Personally, I don’t plan to sleep separately from my guy the night before because it does not sound appealing to be in separate places the night before.

Post # 4
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We already llived together so I felt like your Fiance, it was dumb. We stayed together and nothing terrible happened. We went out to a diner in the morning for breakfast and that is honestly one of my favorite memories of our wedding day because it was just us and we were so excited. 

Post # 5
3607 posts
Sugar bee

I’m going to spend the night away from my Fiance for an entire week before the wedding. For most of that time, we are staying in my parents’ home, and they are pretty old fashioned and don’t want any unmarried couples sleeping together under their roof. Their roof, their rules, so I’m not going to argue with them over it, but I think it’s dumb beyond belief…1) we live together, and 2) sex is not the enemy (their objections have a lot to do with sex, of course).

However, my mom doesn’t want us to sleep together on the night before the wedding either, which is unreasonable since we’re staying in a hotel that night. I’m pushing back on that one, since we’re adults after all and I know I’ll feel calmer and sleep better if he’s with me.

Post # 6
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

We slept together, in our own bed. I get tradition, but I sleep better when he is around. Why would I want to screw up my sleep before a big day? I can only imagine the tossing and turning I’d do alone in a hotel room. Besides, having him there really calmed my Type A nerves. 

Post # 7
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Fiance and I live together so even if our wedding was in state…we’d still be together the night before. However, I don’t have a huge social network. As it is, our wedding won’t be in our state and we’ll be staying in FMIL’s home for the duration of the week leading up to the wedding day. I imagine it’ll be on her pull out couch as well so we’ll be together the night before anyhow. 

Just communicate with your fiancé and choose what you think is more appealing. If you have a bunch of girlfriends that want to make it a special evening then tell him that. If you rather stay in with him then tell the girls he had special plans or what not. No right or wrong.

Post # 8
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We were in a hotel room the night before the wedding and were planning on having my brothers gf come over to my room and my husband go over to my brothers room but we wanted to sleep with each other and said forget that tradition. 

Post # 9
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I’m planning on sleeping solo. Or with my two dogs – depends if my mum lets them into my room as I’ll be staying at hers 😉

I want to get the best possible nights sleep I can, so I want an early night which isn’t easy with my FI!

Also, we’ll have lived together like 4 years when the Wedding rolls round – it’ll be nice to miss him! 

Post # 10
7513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope, we stayed together. When we got married we’d been together 11 years, and had been living together for 7. We got married in the town we live, and seemed silly for one of us to go somewhere else. We stayed together in our house. DH got up early the morning of the wedding and headed to the house his parents rented for the week, he and his groomsmen got ready there while my girls and I got ready at our house. 

We also stayed in our house on the wedding night. At first I assumed we’d get a suite somewhere, but the more I thought about it the appeal of being able to wake up and not feel rushed to pack up stuff and check out of a room won out. 

I think it’s silly to consider it “bad luck”. Do you know where the tradition came from? During the time when arranged marriages were custom, the couple wasn’t allowed to see each other before the wedding at all. The wedding was a business deal between two families, and a father would try and plan for his daughter to marry a man from a rich, land-owning family. The main reason for the tradition is because if groom met the bride before the wedding and thought she wasn’t attractive, he’d call off the wedding and shame the bride and her family!

Like a previous PP mentioned, if you don’t want to do it because you like the tradition by all means stay apart. But I’m a firm believer in doing the things you want to do because it’s what YOU want, not because you think you’re “supposed” to do it. 

Post # 11
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I booked separate rooms for us. I love the tradition of spending the night with your Maid/Matron of Honor and have done this for two of my friends. We live together too so it’s not like people don’t know we usually share a bed, but I like this tradition. I’d have the girls’ night in your room!

Post # 12
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse

DH and I were also living together 3 years by the time we got married (2 weeks ago :D) and up until the day before the wedding, we both expected to stay/sleep in the same hotel room.

Then the day before comes and everything was just so crazy, and we booked an extra hotel room for DH to get ready in the day of.  One of my bridesmaids was with us because I needed help with last minute things and we planned for her to stay at the extra hotel room.

After dinner, and when we were ready to retire, DH decided at the last minute to stay at the extra hotel room and leave me and my Bridesmaid or Best Man to hang out, relax, and have “girl time”.  I think it was a great move because I was able to re-hash our wedding schedule with her, get her thoughts on the vows I wrote, we were able to have breakfast together the next day (she totally relaxes me) and my Bridesmaid or Best Man was able to deliver my groom’s gift while DH got ready – which was a total surprise.  Being apart from him also made me miss him – and I couldn’t wait to see him at the altar!

It’s totally up to you what you want to do.  Out of the two of us, DH is the more “traditional” one and the decision to not see him until the day of, at the altar, enhanced the whole wedding experience for me.

Post # 13
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m fine staying together but my Fiance doesn’t want to (even though we’re doing first look). Honestly normally I’d love to stay with my sister (that’s what we did for her wedding) but she’ll have a newborn so that’s out, so now I’m going to be alone and I’m not sure how I feel about that – I’m going to be nervous and need distraction! So we’ll see. Hopefully I can find someone but the day before my wedding is Thursday and my close friends all have jobs and little kids :/

Post # 14
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We will be staying in the same hotel room the night before the wedding. I’m not really the superstitious type (my fiance came with me when I made the final decision on my wedding dress, so he’s seen the dress!) and we already live together. But that being said, it’s entirely up to you and your comfort level!  I’m a romantic at heart, but we are not keeping every single tradition. We aren’t doing the garter toss (FI is uncomfortable with that and I respect that) and are also considering not having speeches or the parental dances (for complicated family reasons). We also aren’t having a bachelor/Bachelorette party. It’s really up to you! We just figured we already live together and don’t want to spend extra on separate rooms. Plus, I think it’d be fun to spend one last night as just an engaged couple.

Post # 15
2460 posts
Buzzing bee

We were at a resort and stayed together the night before our wedding. In fact, we hung out together until after lunch, when I went to get my hair and makeup done. I’m not a big traditionalist so it worked best for us. 

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