(Closed) slight bm drama…should I be upset?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You’re 1000% overreacting. None of my bridesmaids are coming until the day before the wedding. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man I’ve never been expected to come any earlier than that. And if she can’t come to your shower she can’t come to your shower. She probably told the others first because they are involved in planning it and needed to know. At least she gave you warning ahead of time. She’s still coming to your girls weekend so that’s something. The Maid/Matron of Honor comment was a bit weird but it was just a dumb comment.

Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

She lives 6.5 hours and she’s coming out on Friday? Sounds reasonable to me. I think a whole week of vacation is overkill, personally. Doesn’t she work?! Unless I was Maid/Matron of Honor, I would not be taking more than a full day’s worth of vacation. It’d be nice if she could make the drive, but maybe she has work and stuff going on? And I wouldn’t take it personally that she said she couldn’t make the shower–maybe the other girls mentioned it to her and she mentioned she couldn’t make it right then and there.

Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe wait a couple weeks and see if she changes her day on when she’s coming to visit. If you say she was acting kinda weird all weekend and distant, maybe she’s just bumming hardcore or something and will come to her senses. Give her a few weeks to get out of her funk.

Post # 7
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do think it is too much to expect someone to come out for a whole week before your wedding. I mean really things should be pretty much completed and ready to go.

As far as her behavior at the shower maybe she is having a hard time. After ending a serious relationship and seeing someone go through the things that you planned to be going through would be a little tough on anyone. As long as she didn’t mope and cause a big scene, cut her a little slack.

 

Post # 8
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with everyone else–I think a day before is plenty in terms of commitment, and although it’s a bummer about the shower, I would have told the other maids first too, since they were likely planning everything. 

It is hard to see a friend going through a rough time, but maybe it was just a passing funk. 

Post # 9
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the other girls too. I’m not even taking a whole week off for my wedding (including honeymoon), and would never expect anyone in the wedding party to take a week off for it either. I am getting married on a Saturday and am only taking the Friday before off and the following Monday-Wednesday. This is all due to how much vacation time I am given at work, but even if I had more time, I wouldn’t expect any of my bridesmaids to take an entire week’s worth of vacation time for my wedding.

That was an odd comment though, but I’m sure it was just an off comment and she didn’t mean anything by it. It is too bad she is acting distant… I would wait maybe until after the wedding to look at the friendship- it could just be a passing thing.

Post # 10
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I understand being upste about it and only you know if she is acting strange or not… but… I wouldn’t take offense to her not coming earlier than the day before.  Her saying she can’t come to the shower–when the date has yet to be determined is a little odd though– how does she know she won’t be able to come if the date has yet to be set??

breathe in and breathe out– you are going to have things stress you out while planning your wedding– how you react is your choice. 

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

How can you seriously expect your girls to come out there a week before the wedding??  Hello! people have jobs and lives and if she’s in grad school, even on breaks your busting your butt with school work. Grad students don’t get true breaks from things.  And you shouldn’t be involved with the shower at all – it is something that is thrown for you.  you’re way overreacting.   

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am driving up to VA the Weds before my little sister’s Saturday wedding. Only because in addition to being the Maid/Matron of Honor….I am planning the wedding and have some last minute things that I will need to do. Even our family isn’t coming until the day before and my brother is a Groomsmen, his daughter is Flower Girl and his son is Ring Bearer. As long as she is there for the wedding rehearsal I would say that she has fulfilled her duties.

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m with the other bees in that I think you need to give your friend a break. I’ve never gone to a wedding that I was a bridesmaid in more than a day beforehand except for my brother’s wedding. And only b/c it was family and I wanted to help out. I know she said that she would be there for you a week before, but cut her a break. She obviously thought that she was going to be getting married before you, and it might just be a tough ego pill to swallow for her to see you getting married before her. I know it’s a bit selfish on her part, but I don’t think you have the right to be this upset over her coming the day before the wedding. Being in grad school, she probably has a lot of stuff going on.

Post # 14
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe she can’t afford to be there for the whole week?  Maybe she doesn’t want to crash with you the whole week and can’t afford a hotel room?  I get why you were upset (since she said that she could come originally) but at this point I would try to be positive that she has agreed to come the day before.  Also don’t worry about the shower thing.  If the other girls were trying to task her for the shower, she needed to let them know asap she couldn’t be there.  (Since the date is tbd, again, I’m thinking it’s financial?)

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