- 5 years ago
This is my first post and I had hoped it would be on something a little bit happier – something like planning my engagement party for example…but my future mother in law beat me to the punch and decided to throw an engagement party without consulting me at all on the pretence that it would be a surprise party. I ended up with an engagement party without any of my family there and his family who spent the day ignoring me.
I need some advice to see if I’m just over emotional but my mother has been super accepting of my fiance – she even calls him her son and absolutley adores him and I love her for it because even though my fiance is an an amazing guy, I’m sure she only acts that way to make life easier for me. This means a lot to me because my mother and I have had a horrible relationship previously and its taken a lot of work to get to this point on both our parts.
His mother spent this engagement party avoiding me and acting stand offish. She also spent the entire time fawning over my fiance’s brother’s girlfriend. I was talking to his aunt joking about how I think that my mother loves my fiance more than she love me, his mother heard this and didn’t choose to engage in the conversation until fiance’s brother’s girlfriend piped up about how its exactly the same for her and that her mom loves her boyfriend more than her at which point my fmil jumps in and says “Well then I’ll just love you more than him!”. This was a small thing and while I was taken aback by the favouritism I just grinned and bared it because there’s not a lot I could do that would not seem petty.
Later on in the party she was reluctant to take photos with me after the cake cutting and dragged the brother’s girlfriend over to her to take photos with her. Again I was saddened by this but just acted as though nothing untoward had happened. Even this I could have bared, but later in front of my fiance’s entire family she referrred to the girlfriend as her daughter in law! She has never done so to me, and i should point out they have been together for less time than myself and my fiance and they are not even engaged. I feel this was extremely disrespectful. Feels petty to even mention this but then the girlfriend uploaded a photo of her with my fmil with the caption “Mother in law :)” This just seems a bit on the rude side considering it was MY engagement party.
My fiance asked her about it on the phone last night because he did not want me to speak to her about and she claimed that she always feels left out and that we’re not including her in the wedding planning. This is bs. I even invited her to come wedding dress shopping with me despite really not wanting to – and without any prompting from her! She declined my invitation and later when she did sit down with me, it was only for literally a minute of conversation before she made an excuse to get away from me and make her youngest son (who is 19) a sandwich which he was happily making himself. We have been engaged for 3 weeks at this point I should add so nothing at all has been decided yet. I am absolutely fuming about that also.
Am I overreacting in saying I’d rather she didn’t come to the wedding? Its a bit step I know but I’m pretty fed up because she has been acting like this with me for months and my fiance refused to bring her behaviour up with her until he saw her behaviour this time. I do not think I want to be made to feel unimportant on my wedding day and until this point I had intended to ask the brother’s girlfriend to be a bridesmaid to please his mother as its a very male dominated family and I think its only polite to have somebody from the groom’s side as well as my side. Since this event though i don’t know if I could bare her fawning over her instead on my wedding day.
I can’t decide if I’m just being over emotional or not. His dad doesn’t really speak to me and his brother’s do not either. My whole family have embraced him and I feel like I have been handed an extremely raw deal to the point where I am feeling like calling it off. I will feel horrible if we have children and their grandmother shows a blatant favouritism towards their cousins instead and do not know if that is a life I can resign to. Sorry for the lenghy post – I just needed to get this off my chest and I just need to know the validity of my feelings.