Post # 1
Let me clarify that she’s stalking her own registry! Mr CL and I bought her and her fiancé something from her registry a few weeks ago (her wedding is next week). It cost more than I really wanted to spend, but there wasn’t really anything more affordable on there and she’s a close friend of mine so I definitely wanted to get them something. A few days after I had paid for it I saw her and she thanked me for the gift, saying it was a ‘great choice’ (well, yeah, you were the one who picked it!). Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate the gratitude, but I just feel a bit sad that she’s following who’s bought what before they’re even married – it’s like they’re trying to keep a tally of how much they’re getting.
There was also a conversation at her hen do when she was discussing who she thought would buy her the £600 (nearly $1000) canteen of cutlery that’s on there and how she’ll be really upset if her grandparents don’t buy it and give her a cash gift too. I was pretty shocked because she’s just not someone I’d class as being ‘that’ girl…
Am I overreacting here? I guess I just love surprises – it also really annoys me when people find out the sex of their baby and then tell me!
Post # 3
It’s a little annoying that she’s doing that, but unfortunately there is no way to avoid it. If she wants to see who’s buying what before the wedding, that’s up to her. Plus, at least she’s thanking you…some people I’ve given gifts to have never thanked me!!!
And the baby sex thing…why don’t you want to know the sex of the baby? If/when you have kids, you can keep it a secret if you want, but if others want to share, that’s up to them! Or if you really don’t want to know, just tell them…”Don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise when it’s born!” Although now that I wrote that, it does sound kind of strange…
Post # 4
If I was stalking my own registry I would NEVER, EVER tell someone I saw what they had purchased for me prior to receiving it. Never, ever, ever. That was definitely rude and took away from you the satisfaction of giving it to her and seeing her surprise! She sounds pretty entitled and I think it’s more the way she carries herself than the “registry stalking” aspect of it. Entitlement and being gift-grabby are not an attractive combo.
Post # 5
Yeah I get that this can be frustrating. I love giving gifts so that the person can be surprised by what’s inside. Taking that element away takes out the fun for me. Some registries send e-mails so the b&g can write thank you cards before the wedding. (I’m not registering anywhere, so I don’t know if this is something they can turn on/off). Did you ship it to her house? Some people might get worried if they bought something to be shipped to the couple and hadn’t heard that it had arrived.
Try to let it go… all the bridal stuff might just be getting in your head, and the huge gift giving from the grandparents might be something of a family tradition. I agree she shouldn’t be talking about that stuff in front of people regardless, but I would just try to forget about it and enjoy yourself at the wedding (and have more price selection on your own registry if you choose to have one)
ETA: getting in *HER head. gah!
Post # 6
If you haven’t given the gift yet, how does she know who purchased the item? The registry says that it was purchased, but not by what person..unless y’alls are done differently..?
Post # 7
I don’t know, i think it all sounds pretty normal. My fiance will wait till his birthday to open a gift or card that comes early in the mail, but I open mine right away. Chalk it up to people being different I guess. As for the baby thing, I actually lol’d when I read that. YOU get annoyed when someone else tells you the sex of THEIR baby??? That is just silly. You are more than allowed to keep the sex of your own baby a secret, but let others do what makes them happy.
Post # 8
I hate this. I also hate the idea of a “thank you manager” registry sites offer – you know who bought you what the instant its purchased. No fun at all!
Post # 9
What registries do you guys have that tell you who purchased what gift? Our registry shows when a gift has been purchased but not who purchased it… I’m glad it doesn’t as I would much prefer to be surprised!
Post # 10
I think you should just let this one go. You can’t really control her registry stalking and if she’s over-concerned with what gifts she’s getting. I was a registry stalker myself, but I never mentioned what someone got me when I noticed it was gone from the registry. To me, that is in poor taste, but just becuase you love surprises doesn’t mean everyone else does too.
Post # 11
@amethystbride: My Bed, Bath and Beyond registry would not tell us who bought what gift but the Crate and Barrel registry does have that feature unless you purposely click that you want your gift to be Anonymous. One of my bridesmaids bought us a great gift from there and she clicked Anonymous on purpose, lol. I wish BB&B had this feature because we got sent a very expensive gift that had no card or invoice in the box, BB&B says they can’t tell us who sent it and if their registry had the tracker (that’s what it’s called) then we’d know.
Post # 12
@star_dust: Ohhh, yes, I see how that would be useful if there was no card… I hadn’t thought of that!
Post # 13
..what if the gift arrived and she opened it and that is how she knew to thank you? I had an Amazon.com registry and those gifts would arrive sometimes the next day, so even if I never looked at the registry or it’s “thank you manager” I’d still be writing a thank you card very shortly after the purchase because the gift would already be at my house. I would hope my guests didn’t find my timeliness in sending thank you cards to be rude–I was hoping to acknowledge their gift had arrived safely.
….about the baby’s sex….yeah, I’m going to say that the parents get preference here. They may want to pick names and decorate and stuff and their desire for that without keeping it top secret wins out over your interest in being surprised.
About the cutlery/grandparent gift thing. Yes, your friend is being really ridiculous on that front (so I can see how the issue with the gift could also end up being interpreted in the worst light based on her totally bad attitude here). You can hope to receive a gift but you don’t really get to demand it from anyone and demanding cash on top is just weird. It can be really easy though to lose sight of the big picture as all those gifts roll in though so let’s hope it was a momentary lapse (since you say she’s not normally that kind of girl)
Post # 14
I could not stop myself from stalking my registry. But at least I didn’t know who got us what. I did manage to quit for a few days before the shower/wedding and got some awesome surprises!
It’s so tempting.. don’t blame her for giving in! And at least she thanked you!
Post # 15
I know a lot of registries have the email notification option where they send you an email daily on who and what was bought. She probably just subscribes to that. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. And she did thank you for it.
Post # 16
Yeah, I’m not letting it get to me and realise there’s nothing I can do about it. I think it just surprised me that she was so open about the gifts before they’ve even been delivered! She’s registered with John Lewis, I’m not sure whether she could have opted out of knowing the sender or not. On the baby thing, I know it’s silly! I just get really excited when friends and family are pregnant (we’re not financially stable enough for kids yet so I suppose I’m living vicariously) and personally part of the excitement is the not knowing until the baby’s born.
ETA – I know they’ve not received anything yet because they’ve (very sensibly!) set it up to deliver after they’ve moved house.