Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have a great and very close relationship. We’ve dated over 3 years, were immediate best friends, and although the commitment and total devotion was a slow burn on his end, he made the decision that I was his future over a year ago and we began living together. Everything’s great as far as the bigger picture.
The first 2 years we were dating, he took me out to dinner. Not the evening of my birthday, but the same week. A couple of years ago, we had spent the weekend with his family since they are July babies as well, then we traveled back to NYC on the day of and he wanted to take me out to dinner 3 days later. The day of my birthday was miserable as I was with him but he didn’t want to do anything but sit at his computer and text on his phone. Turns out, he had another girlfriend that he was making plans with. That’s all water under the bridge now, but I didn’t feel good about that day. A year later, he had made his decision to be with me and only me about a month prior to my birthday. By the time my birthday came around, a month later, he was building trust with me but still getting over that other relationship, so he was not 100% present in the moment. He took me to a nice lunch. No gift.
This year, we’ve been partners in crime for nearly a year and really built trust and have become a true power couple. There is much love. He makes me feel special everyday. On my birthday, he was sweet in the morning but then communication stopped at 11am and he had a work event after work so I didn’t see him until 10:30pm. I already knew he had the work event, and we’ve made dinner plans for Friday….but he simply stopped being responsive or communicating. He knows that the lack of communication hurt me, and he’s thanking me for being so patient. I didn’t make to big of a deal because I figure we’ll wait and see. I know he’s made dinner plans and something is coming in the mail…. But seriously? I really felt like he just checked out on the day of my birthday, and I’m afraid to build up any expectations based on the past. Honestly, he’s talked about my ring size and weddings and I dunno….something doesn’t feel quite right.
Post # 2
So for 2 of the 3 years you’ve been ‘dating’ he’s had another girlfriend/took a year to get over said girlfriend and you are worried he doesn’t pay enough attention to you on your birthday when he is at work?
I’d way more worried about the dynamics of your relationship than not enough text messages on your birthday.
Post # 3
So, was he at work all day? Preparing for that work event? Stressed about the work event? I mean, that’s a legit reason to not be able to communicate all day.
Post # 4
something just doesn’t feel right because he’s had another girlfriend, over whom he was fawning, on a previous birthday.
I’m sorry to be so blunt but then you say it took a year for him to get over this other girl and he was still getting over her on your next birthday.
Did you have an open relationship? It doesn’t seem like it because you keep mentioning how you are rebuilding trust.
If you didn’t have an open relationship, this sounds like a nightmare. I don’t understand why you’re with him, this sounds so painful.
Post # 5
Oh boy. I feel like you are glazng over the fact that he completely and utterly CHEATED on you. There might be a lot of love now, but that is such a huge issue and one that breaks down all trust. Plus your expectations in my opinion are over the top…he was at WORK, so naturally he wasn’t able to respond to you. During my workday there is absolutely no WAY I can text or take calls as a teacher. Then he had a work event…again, he was focused on that event, not on you at home. I get that you’re upset over this however I feel like him cheating on you however long ago negatively impacted your ability to trust him. You say you are a “power couple” now but based on this post I just…don’t see it. I don’t see the trust that you claim to have for him now.
I would do some serious introspection to see if you *actually* trust him. I’m sure it hurt you like crazy when he cheated on you, but don’t lie to yourself and try to convince yourself that things are great and you trust him if you don’t actually trust him…
Post # 6
I stopped reading after you mentioned his girlfriend then him taking a year to choose you…You aren’t a Pokemon waiting to be released. I would have never stuck around a whole year being a side piece. I think you deserve better than that.
Post # 7
Oh honey I am sorry to say this, but he is just not that into you. Find someone who will make you a priority (I’m not talking about the birthday). If he already wanted to see other girls in the beginning of the relationship that is a VERY bad sign.
Post # 8
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
hi bee. There seems to be a lot of red flags. Lack of communication, not empathetic to your feelings, cheating, potentially still harboring feelings for someone else, not celebrating you. This all feels wrong, especially since it started SOOOOO early on during your dating and there were trust issues, which is well expected. But do you truly trust him? Does he really want to br with you? If so, why?
Would you both be willing to sit down and talk? Couples counseling?
I personally would just not deal with this; i had an ex boyfriend like this. NOT worth it. Truly wasted a few good years with him; was not healthy at all for my own self worth. You are worth more than that.
Post # 9
He sucks and you’re a doormat.
Anyway, I’ve been with my husband for over eight years now, married for over three. He’s not much of a planner, so if I want to do stuff for my birthday, I plan it. This year, I took the Friday before off to get a massage, eat fatty food at a diner, and then we came home to eat cake and clean up the house. My birthday was on Monday, and we both went to work and then we came home and went to dinner where I chose. I’m happy, he’s happy.
Post # 10
… And comment of the day goes straight to you!
Post # 11
“true power couple”…. gag
Post # 12
As long as you are with him, you’ll probably never feel completely okay during your bday if he isn’t 100% with you (or at least it will take you some time). It is normal, as your previous bday experiences with him were far from nice.
Hopefully he will do something special for you this Friday. Meanwhile you can choose to trust that he had a lot of work going on and sincerelu couldn’t contact you, or choose to believe he might be hiding something. You could also try talking with him about your feelings without blame.
In anycase, I would say that if he does ask you to marry him this Friday, answer with a big NO. Take at least 2 more years to see if he will be seriously faithful or not.
Post # 13
It took him 2 years to decide to be exclusive with you? He didn’t even have the decency to give you undivided attention on your birthday? The best prediction of future behavior is to look at past behavior. Cut your losses and run.
Post # 14
Don’t be stupid, girl.
Go get someone who:
a) does not text another girlfriend the week of your birthday (OR ANY TIME, OK? ANY TIME!!) to make other plans; and
b) does not take a year to “choose” you and then still be “getting over that other relationship” for MONTHS.
Don’t be stupid. Don’t be stupid. Don’t be stupid. [Important things bear repeating 3 times]