- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2016
Christ on a cracker lady. You can do better!
Christ on a cracker lady. You can do better!
Wow, I had no idea I had opened myself up to a pack of wolves with no reading comprehension skills. Regardless, turns out he was able to coordinate an open bar surprise birthday party after a lavish dinner. I had the most amazing night of my life.
Like I said, it was a slow burn for us the first couple of years. We were not in a closed committed relationship at that time. But we were best friends and the love was there. Ever since he decided that he did not want to continue to living his life as a single man, he set his mind on spending every single day proving that to me one way or another. Good heavens, if I though he were going back on his word/promise and cheating on me, I’d get the hell out of the situation as a true partnership has complete transparency. That’s why my birthday felt so out of character at that moment. It raised alarms because a feeling of neglect and emotional vulnerability. That doesn’t always mean that the world is coming to an end, or the person is a doormat or whatever reality YOU dream up is my truth. Way to kick a person while she’s down.
Anyways, I can’t imagine how my birthday could’ve been spent in a better way in better company. My friends, family, and partner really lifted me up. I never put up a fuss; my answer was to wait and see. He knew I was feeling down when he came home; but I’ll tell you what….after a perfect day, perfect dinner, to see all my favorite people in the same room (some had traveled to be here)….I’ll never doubt him again. And I won’t go to a board such as this one seeking support from perfect strangers that know nothing of interpersonal relationships. Imagine the harm you could do. Some of you are fine, I’m sure. But most of the responses were demeaning, judgemental, and condescending. So grateful I can choose to not have that kind of negativity in my life, sign out, and never come back again.
OP: that’s wonderful that everything turned out. While I’m sure some of the “power couple” comments weren’t easy to read, most don’t have “reading comprehension” issues. You stated that your boyfriend cheated on you for two whole years and still seems to have issues communicating. That’s a red flag for many but only you know if he has actually changed. When you say that “we” weren’t closely committed do you really mean “he” wasnt and you thought you were? Having another girlfriend for two years isn’t a miscommunication, it’s a serious character flaw. Make sure he has actually changed. In my opinion, organizing a party is great but don’t be afraid of accepting that forgiveness is a process and one party can’t heal everything.
I wish you the best.
What exactly is a power couple?
The denial is strong.
People react and respond to what YOU post. It is fine and dandy to now claim you and he have complete transparency but it was YOU in your original post who described having to build trust after he ended things with his other girlfriend, who came on here questioning his distance, his lack of communication, and feeling neglected and unnerved by it (instead of asking him about it a la complete transparency). It is not fair to attack those who tried to help based on the information YOU gave because in the end he threw you a party and made it all better. I think plenty of people here are well informed and experienced in interpersonal relationships and rightly so encouraged caution based on the facts you gave in your very first post.
Anyway, clearly you are happy with how things turned out and perhaps in the future you won’t turn to “negativity” when he is not doing what you expect either like you did in your first post, as it seems important to you to not “allow negativity” in your life. Best wishes.
Calling yourself a power couple does remain ridiculous, though.
OP…when 100% of your readers interpret what you wrote the same way, that is not a reflection on their reading comprehension, it is a reflection on your writing ability.
As for the elaborate party, sounds nice, but not enough IMO to make up for the years of issues you described. My shitty ex through me an elaborate going away party when I moved away. There were like 25 people there at a fancy bar and it was awesome. It almost made me want to give him another chance. But you know what, throwing a fancy party for me was nice but it didn’t suddenly turn him into a non asshole…he still couldnt communicate, was a gas-lighter, and didn’t make me a priority in his every day life.
Holy over compensation, Batman!
the one where she said her boyfriend had another girlfriend for at LEAST the first year and a bit of their relationship and she had no idea
or how he made plans with the other girlfriend on OPs birthday two years ago
or he couldn’t celebrate her next birthday because he’d broken up with his other girlfriend and was sad (boo hoo, couldn’t have his cake and eat it too)
but at least he threw her a big fancy party! #truepowercouple.
Ah well, if she’s happy then that’s all that matters…. I’d be running for the hills but it’s not my life
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