Post # 1
In an attempt to shorten the story-factor in this post, here’s a few facts. My father passed away 4 months ago from pancreatic cancer. My mom now needs financial help. Therefore we have cut our wedding budget in half in an effort to help her get back on her feet. We refuse to let this scenario stop our plans to get married, so now we are revising our plans for HOW we get married.
Originally, we were going to rent out a pavilion in Vermont (2 hour drive so sort of a destination wedding) that also has a group camping spot, invite everyone (50-60 people so small wedding to begin with), and have our ceremony and reception there. It was going to feel more like a glorified family gathering/camping trip, but with casual wedding stuff like bbq/buffet style food, decorations, rentals, bridesmaids/groomsmen, games etc.
But now, we are looking at splitting this event into two parts: 1) small ceremony with immediate family and close friends (let’s say 20 people max) including a lunch out somewhere afterwards, and 2) family gathering at home afterwards in celebration of our marriage.
The budget change has eliminated all decorations, table/chair rentals, half the cost of food and supplies, and down-graded the formality of all attire.
Has anyone been married like this? I feel weird even calling it a wedding because it no longer is one, at least it’s no longer the one we originally planned.
Post # 2
Sorry about the death of your father. It’s very nice of you to change your plans to help your mom. I don’t see anything wrong with having two smaller events. Fiance and I are marrying in a private ceremony and then several months later having a small celebration with our friends and family.
Post # 3
Sorry for you loss.I’m not married yet but we are doing something similar.
I have lost both of my parents and Fiance has also lost his mom. We got engaged in August and the next day my grandfather (only living family I had) passed away. 2 short months later my FI’s grandfather passed away from pancreatic cancer. It was horrible and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Sorry for going off with my story…
But, because of all of our losses we decided it would be sad to have a “regular” wedding. We are going on a “weddingmoon”, that’s a once in a life time trip and it will be just the two of us. A couple of weeks later, we are going to have a reception with about 50-60 people. That way we can still have our special ceremony and celebrate with our friends.
I don’t see a problem with what you are doing. I still think it is a wedding, but some bee’s get their undies in a wad because of people’s wording when it comes to these situations. I think you should try to enjoy your day as much as possible, because I know it will be hard with your loss. If years down the road, you don’t feel like it was enough, you can always do a vow renewal or something when your mom gets back on her feet. It’s great you’re helping her!
Post # 4
Thank you for your responses.
Do either of you think it’s rude to have a small group of friends with us (mainly the ones we originally asked to be bridesmaids/groomsmen) there for the ceremony, while almost all family members (except mom, siblings and FI’s parents) are only invited to the home celebration afterwards?
Post # 5
No. I think that would be fine. Especially since they were going to be in the bridal party to begin with.
Post # 6
That sounds reasonable. You’ll have your closest circle at the small ceremony and then celebrate with your larger circle.